Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, January 7 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Thank you, Al! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Westport teacher arrested for being intoxicated while teaching ____________________________________________________ Today, January 7, in 1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. ____________________________________________________ In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) "Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things." --- Robert Heinlein ____________________________________________________ At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating: "If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash - twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. ____________________________________________________   Short Eared Owl Santisouk Phommachakr (East of Calgary, AB - January 5, 2022) ____________________________________________________ Bill doesn't see the sense of increasing horsepower and top speed in the new cars with traffic the way it is. The other week on his way home on the Interstate highway, he had to leave the car twice to make payments. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michelle Babin, 32, Westport, Connecticut, USA  Westport teacher arrested for being intoxicated while teaching  An elementary school teacher is out on bond after police say she had come to work while under the influence of alcohol. Officers had initially made the discovery around 1:30 p.m. two days before Thanksgiving at the Greens Farms Elementary School. Police say Michelle Babin, a speech and language pathologist, had fallen asleep while teaching a student and it had taken about thirty seconds for school staff members to wake her up. When she awoke, witnesses told police that Babin was mumbling incoherently and allegedly had the smell of alcohol on her breath. Babin was transported to a nearby hospital for further evaluation. Investigators determined that because Babin was asleep and also possibly under the influence of alcohol, the child that was present at the time was at risk of being injured. A warrant was subsequently issued for Babin's arrest and she later turned herself in to police on December 30. Police charged her with risk of injury to a minor. She was able to post her $75,000 bond and was arraigned in Stamford Superior Court on Wednesday.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Liz Re: MS or Libre Office Dear Webby Which one is better, MS Office or Libre Office? If you got MS Office 365 for free, would you use it or stay with Libre? Liz  Dear Liz I would stay with Libre. The smooth and trouble free way to save spreadsheets as HTML or DOCX or XLSX or ODT is a very strong seller. For example, I save my glucose spreadsheet as xlsx, so that my Diabetic nurse can use it on her Govt provided Microsoft Office and annotate it. I also save it as HTML, so that her assistant can view it with just a browser on her telephone. And so on. In addition to that, I have as many hot-keys as I used to have in Quattro, when Quattro and Excel were in hot competition in the 80s and had monthly updates demanded by rude computer magazines. Libre still does that, but their updates are smooth. You don't have to learn driving on the other side of the road. Actually, during the last year or so the updates were mostly to the online manual. Pretty well anything you might want to do, is already in the program, they just have ot bragged about it yet. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" 
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 _____________________________________________  A completely inebriated lady was stumbling down the street with one foot on the sidewalk and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, ma'am. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Ociffer, are ya abscholutely schure I'm dwunk?" Yes, ma'am, I'm sure. Otherwise you wouldn't walk with one foot on the sidewalk and one on the street." said the copper. "Come on, let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, she said, "Thank goodnesch, I schought I had loscht the heel off a one of my new schoesch." ______________________________________________ A woman goes to the doctor. After examining the woman thoroughly, the doctor is perplexed. "I'm not sure what it is," he said. "You either have a bad cold or you're pregnant." "Oh," says the woman, "I must be pregnant --I don't know anyone who could have given me a cold." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog! ___________________________________________________  
 Today, January 7, in 1558 calais, the last english possession on mainland france, was recaptured by the french. 1610 galileo galilei sighted four of jupiter's moons. He named them io, europa, ganymede, and callisto. 1782 the bank of north america opened in philadelphia. It was the first commercial bank in the united states. 1785 french aeronaut/balloonist jean-pierre blanchard successfully made the first air-crossing of the english channel from the english coast to france. 1789 americans voted for the electors that would choose george washington to be the first u.S. President. 1887 thomas stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle trip. He started his trip in april 1884. Stevens and his bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 1894 w.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 1896 the "fannie farmer cookbook" was published. 1904 the distress signal "cqd" was established. Two years later "sos" became the radio distress signal because it was quicker to send by wireless radio. 1927 transatlantic telephone service began between new york and london. 31 calls were made on this first day. 1927 in hinckley il, the harlem globetrotters played their first game. 1929 the debut of "buck rogers 2429 a.D." Occurred in newspapers around the u.S. The title of the comic strip was later changed to "buck rogers in the 25th century." 1932 chancellor heinrich brning declared that germany cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 1935 french foreign minister pierre laval and italian prime minister benito mussolini signed the italo-french agreements. 1940 "gene autrys melody ranch" debuted on cbs radio. The show aired for 16 years. 1941 the nbc blue radio network presented "the squeaky door" for the first time. The show was later known as "inner sanctum." 1942 the world war ii siege of bataan began. 1949 the announcement of the first photograph of genes was shown at the university of southern california in los angeles. 1953 u.S. President harry truman announced the development of the hydrogen bomb. 1954 the duoscopic tv receiver was unveiled this day. The tv set allowed the watching of two different shows at the same time. 1959 the united states recognized fidel castro's new government in cuba. 1968 the cost of a u.S. First class stamp was raised to 6 cents. 1975 opec agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which began a time of world economic inflation. 1979 vietnamese forces captured the cambodian capital of phnom penh, overthrowing the khmer rouge government. 1980 u.S. President jimmy carter signed legislation that authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of chrysler corp. 1989 crown prince akihito became the emperor of japan following the death of his father, emperor hirohito. 1990 the leaning tower of pisa was closed to the public. The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the safety of its visitors. 1996 alvaro arzu was elected president of guatemala. 1996 one of the biggest blizzards in u.S. History hit the eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on the severe weather. 1998 former white house intern monica lewinsky signed an affidavit denying that she had an affair with u.S. President clinton. 1999 u.S. President clinton went on trial before the senate. It was only the second time in u.S. History that an impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 2002 microsoft corp. Chairman bill gates introduced a new device code named mira. The device was tablet-like and was a cross between a handheld computer and a tv remote control. 2009 russia shut off all gas supplies to europe through ukraine. Prime minister vladimir putin publicly endorsed the move and urged greater international involvement in the energy dispute. 2021 Do smiled. 

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