Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, October 29 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Texas student crashes SUV into patrol car after taking topless Snapchat selfie Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, October 28, in 1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. See More of what happened on this day in history. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was. --- Margaret Mitchell (1900 - 1949) Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. -- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!" ______________________________________________________ 2017 Launch Flash Sale MTP $29.99 ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this one: As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a U.S. Marine Corps uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she ask quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose, and that I was just wondering if he was the one to kick out." ______________________________________________________ >From FB Frosty Lakes by Saed ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Kay Radar, 20, Ryan, Texas Texas student crashes SUV into patrol car after taking topless Snapchat selfie A Texas A&M student told police she was taking a topless Snapchat selfie for her boyfriend moments before her SUV slammed into the back of a parked police car. It happened around 8:30 p.m. Wednesday on East Villa Maria Road in Ryan, Texas. According to KBTX, Bryan Police Officer John Sartell approached the vehicle to find the driver, 20-year-old Miranda Kay Radar, wearing an unclasped bra, attempting to put her shirt on. There was also an open bottle of wine in the center console cupholder, police say. When Officer Sartell asked her why she was not dressed, the woman told him she was taking a Snapchat photo to send to her boyfriend while she was at a red light. Rader was charged with DWI with an open container and was also issued a citation for minor in possession of alcohol. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Marsha Re: Mysterious mail bounces Dear Webby, Ross, my oldest and blondest brother, thinks he is so smart that he can improve on the way I set the mail up for him. Right now, he told me on the phone, he can mail out to anybody, but if he tries to reply or forward, he gets bounces. What did he do now ? And what do you recommend? Thanks Marsha Dear Marsha Most likely he has his mail set to "Send a copy to self" for forwards and replies. And because he doesn't read his own copies of the replies and forwards anyway, he has himself blocked with some spam control program. He should either take the checkmark off "Send a copy to self", or else stop blocking mail from himself. Have FUN! DearWebby During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN ....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!" ------------------ For people for whom English is a second language, the word "alter" is normally used with animals, for example a bull is sometimes "altered" and made into an ox, by cutting off his family jewels. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mennonite Baked Corn By GRAPE [12 Posts, 14 Comments] Total Time: 40 minutes Yield: 8 servings Ingredients: 4 cups fresh, frozen or canned corn 4 Tbsp butter 3 Tbsp flour 2 cups milk 2 Tbsp sugar 2 tsp salt 1/4 tsp pepper 2 beaten eggs Steps: Melt butter and add flour over medium heat. Add milk gradually, bring to boil while stirring gradually. Add corn, sugar, salt and pepper, and stir and heat thoroughly. Remove from heat and add beaten eggs. Pour into buttered dish and bake at 350 degrees F for 35 minutes or until firm. YUMMMMY Mennonite recipe! Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A young man goes to a girl's house to pick her up for their first date. She shows him into the living room, then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them coffee. Looking around the room, the fellow notices a little vase on the mantel. He picks it up to examine it, and as he is looking at it, she walks back in. "What's this?" he asks her. "Oh," she says, "my father's ashes are in there." The young man turns beet red and is speechless as he gently sets the vase back on the mantle. "Yeah," the girl says, "he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." | | cargo ship responds to little girl's request to honk - Thank you Bausell Sailor |
____________________________________________________ A Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning, when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together!" ____________________________________________________ >From Ardy I just loved your story about Vancouver in the rain. You've always known how to have FUN, haven't you! In 1970, I was 25, divorced and working at one of the computer parts plants in town, Chip-Tronics. It was someone's birthday & I'd bought her a pretty umbrella. I remember telling everyone what a terrible time I had, gift-wrapping it. I went into such detail about all of the wrapping paper I'd torn & had to discard. It went on for 10 minutes, probably.....turning into quite a comedy routine. The 'Seinfeld' writers could have developed a half hour show with the material that I related! I ended my story with the revelation I'd had.....that perhaps if I'd close the umbrella, it might be easier to wrap! ____________________________________________________ | | Some of these I would like to have! |
____________________________________________________ | Today on October 29 in 1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy against King James I. 1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an independent commonwealth. 1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was the founder of Pennsylvania. 1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded. 1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley, was electrocuted. 1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal, later known as Kemal Ataturk. 1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the Wall Street stock market. 1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price of $12.50 each. 1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez Canal Crisis. 1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use close- circuit television. 1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight. 1966 The National Organization for Women was founded. 1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all school segregation. 1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records. He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season. 1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or marital status 1985 It was announced that Maj. Gen. Samuel K. Doe had won the first multiparty election in Liberia. 1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during its occupation of Kuwait. 1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an asteroid (Gaspra). 1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food and Drug Administration. 1995 Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers became the NFL's career leader in receiving yards with 14,040 yards. 1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the African National Congress. 1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the first American to orbit the Earth. 1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for $2 million at a New York auction. 2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released. 2016 Do smiled. |
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