| Good Morning, Do! Today is Fiday, April 28 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ History: Today, April 28 in 1986, The worlds worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at Chernobyl, in Kiev. Thirty-one people died in the incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. ___________________________________ Bonehead Award: Mother, who blocked son from turning himself in after "accidentally" shooting a coussin, is in jail now. _____________________________________________________ Q You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. --- Charles F. Kettering (1876 - 1958) ______________________________________________________ John was tasked with taking the Christmas decorations up to the attic for another year's storage. During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he slipped and luckily only fell about two steps before landing square on his behind. His wife heard the noise and yelled, "What was that thump?" "I just fell down the stairs," he explained. She rushed into the room, "Anything broken?!" "No, no, I'm fine." There was just a slight pause before his loving wife said, "No, I meant my decorations? Are any of them broken?" ______________________________________________________ Mom and Dad went to a restaurant one evening. Dad was about halfway finishing his meal when took a hard look at the potato. He called the waitress and said, "This potato is bad." The waitress picked it up, smacked it, and put it back on the plate, then said, "If that potato causes any more trouble just let me know." ___________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ Who needs a man ? If you want someone who will do anything to please you, get a dog. If you want someone who will bring you the newspaper without tearing through it first for the sports page, get a dog. If you want someone who'll make a total fool of himself because he's so glad to see you, get a dog. If you want someone who eats whatever you put in front of him and never says his mother made it better, get a dog. If you want someone who's always eager to go out any time you ask and anywhere you want to go, get a dog. If you want someone who can scare away burglars without waving a lethal weapon around, endangering you and all the neighbors, get a dog. If you want someone who never touches the remote, couldn't care less about Monday Night Football, and watches dramatic movies with you as long as you want, get a dog. If you want someone who'll be content just to snuggle up and keep you warm in bed, and who you can kick out of bed if he slobbers and snores, get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes anything you do, doesn't care how good or bad you look, acts as though every word you say is worth hearing, never complains, and loves you unconditionally all the time, get a dog! On the other hand... If you want someone who never comes when you call him, totally ignores you when you walk in the room, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, prowls around all night and come home only to eat and sleep all day, and acts as though you are there only to see that HE's happy... Get a CAT! ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ _Two farmers where discussing who had the meanest dog. One who had a very mean looking Doberman insisted that his was the meanest and that it could lick any other dog in the county. The second just looked at his mangy old yellow dog and said that he would wager his against any dog in the country. Well, after some animated discussion they finally decided to let the dogs fight it out. After a very short snarling match the old yellow dog leapt on the Doberman and killed it outright. The first farmer was aghast. His dog had been beating other dogs for years and had never had more than a small scratch or two. He turned to the other farmer and asked, "What kind of dog did you say yours is?" The first farmer replied, "Well before he lost his tail when he killed a gator, we called him a Mountain Lion!" ____________________________________________________ We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're orderinga la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and made some omelettes for taking along and eat down by the river. ___________________________________________________ The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." "Well, tell me!" the man said. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay." "Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her." "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded. The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning." ___________________________________________________ From: VeNus Re: Mystery money posting Dear Webby I am almost as poor as you, so a mmessage looking like a money transfer from a Kate Williams for $751 immediately cheered me up. However, I don't know any Kate, who has that kind of money or owes me that kind of money. Then, when I tried to find out more, Mailwasher told me to get out of there, that it was some kind of scam. So I got out of there, with a tear in my good eye, and a laugh in my bad one. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ Guido's first job when he got to the United States was sweeping the floors in a pizzeria. After 15 years of hard work, Guido owned not only the store he started in, but a chain of 50 pizza stores. Guido believes it's now time to relax a little bit. Enjoy the fruits of his hard labor. He calls a contractor to have a huge mansion built for himself. Guido tells the contractor, "Makea you sure you puta lotsa da 'halo statues' inna da house. I wanna have lotsa da 'halo statues' in my mansion, capiche? One inna every room. One in da kitchen. One in da bathroom. Every room!" The contractor is impressed with how religious Guido is, promises to do a good job, and carefully plans a niche in every room for Guido's statues. The contractor personally searches for just the perfect religious statues for each room. Finally, the house is completed and the contractor takes Guido on a tour of Guido's new mansion. The contractor is full of pride showing off his work, but Guido looks concerned and fretful. Finally, the contractor says, "Is there something wrong, sir?" "Wherea are alla my halo statues?" Guido cries. The contractor points to the different statues he's carefully selected and placed everywhere. "They're in every room, sir, just like you asked!" Guido replies, "No no no! I doan wanna no Saintas. I wanna da 'halo statues'!" "Sir?" "You know? Halo statues! Deya ring! You picka dem up, anna you say, 'Halo? Stat you?" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ Robert Vaughan 13h Bull Elk Patricia Lake, Jasper ____________________________________________________ Part of the passenger arrival briefing from the lone flight attendant on a United Express O'Hare-to-Memphis flight: "Please remove all personal items from the aircraft. Any items left on board can be found at my yard sale next Sunday." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by Tanyelle Williams, 45, Phpenix, Arizona, USA Mother, who blocked son from turning himself in after "accidentally" shooting a coussin, is in jail now. A teen accused of murder is in custody after a police pursuit ended in a crash near 101st Avenue and Grand early Friday morning. Sir Amir Williamson, 17, had been pulled over in an SUV in Wickenburg with at least three other people in the car at 4 a.m. on April 21. Officers later found out that Williamson was wanted for allegedly killing his cousin at a north Phoenix motel earlier this week. Police say that the SUV refused to yield and fled at high speed into the city of Surprise. The pursuit eventually came to an end in Sun City after the vehicle crashed into a block wall. The SUV had been traveling at speeds of over 100 miles per hour during the chase, officials said. Surveillance video shows police pulling up and finding a woman, along with children, inside the SUV. Several people were later seen being loaded into an ambulance. Williamson was on the loose for several more hours. Police and K-9 officers searched the surrounding area, scouring people's backyards and searching through trash bags. His arrest was announced shortly before 12:00 p.m. _____________________________________________________ Today, April 28 in 1478, Pazzi conspirators attacked Lorenzo and killed Giuliano de'Medici. 1514, Copernicus made his first observations of Saturn. 1607, The British established an American colony at Cape Henry, Virginia. It was the first permanent English establishment in the Western Hemisphere. 1819, The first Odd Fellows lodge in the U.S. was established in Baltimore, MD. 1865, Joseph E. Johnston surrendered the Army of Tennessee to Sherman during the American Civil War. 1865, John Wilkes Booth was killed by the U.S. Federal Cavalry. 1906, In Hawaii, motion pictures were shown for the first time. 1921, Weather broadcasts were heard for the first time on radio in St. Louis, MO. 1929, First non-stop flight from England to India was completed. 1931, NBC premiered "Lum and Abner." It was on the air for 24 years. 1937, German planes attacked Guernica, Spain, during the Spanish Civil War for the Spanish nationalist government against the Communists. This raid is considered one of the first to be attacks on a civilian population by a modern air force. The US quickly joined in, also on the same side as the Germans. 1941, An organ was played at a baseball stadium for the first time in Chicago, IL. 1945, Marshal Henri Philippe Petain, the head of France's Vichy government during World War II, was arrested. 1952, Patty Berg set a new record for major womens golf competition when she shot a 64 over 18 holes in a tournament in Richmond, CA. 1954, Grace Kelly was on the cover of "LIFE" magazine. 1964, The African nations of Tanganyika and Zanzibar merged to form Tanzania. 1968, Students seized the administration building at Ohio State University. 1982, The British announced that Argentina had surrendered on South Georgia. 1985, In Argentina, a fire at a mental hospital killed 79 people and injured 247. 1986, The worlds worst nuclear disaster to date occurred at Chernobyl, in Kiev. Thirty-one people died in the incident and thousands more were exposed to radioactive material. 1998, Auxiliary Bishop Juan Gerardi Conedera was bludgeoned to death two days after a report he'd compiled on atrocities during Guatemala's 36-year civil war was made public. 2000, Charles Wang and Sanjay Kumar purchased the NHL's New York Islanders. 2002, In Erfurt, Germany, an expelled student killed 17 people at his former school. The student then killed himself. 2023, Do smiled.
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