Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 22, 2022  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 22, in 1902, In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first president of the United States to ride in an automobile. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Woman who slipped out of handcuffs, fired at Fresno County deputies identified _________________________________________________ It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) __________________________________________________ An IRS telephone assister was overheard to say, "Sir please watch your language!...Sir, watch your language!...Sir, please!...Reverend, I'm ashamed of you!" __________________________________________________ Girl Power: When and if you are feeling like nothing is going your way, just remember that.... *We got off the Titanic first. * We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses. * We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. * When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. * Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours. * We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. * We can cry and get off speeding fines. * We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. * Taxis stop for us. * Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. *We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. * Free drinks. Free dinners. Free moving (you get the point). * We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. * We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. * We know The Truth about whether size matters. * New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. * If we have sex with someone and don't call them the next day, we're NOT the devil. * Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex. * If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. * We can sleep our way to the top. * Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep. * It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. * No fashion faux pas we make could rival The Speedo. * We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. * If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected. * WE never have to wonder if his orgasm was real. * If we forget to shave, no one has to know. * We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her ass. * If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. * We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. * If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. *We don't have to memorize Caddy shack or Fletch to fit in. * We have the ability to dress ourselves. * We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month. * We can talk to people of the opposite sex without have to picture them naked. * If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. * Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. * There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. * Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable. * We'll never regret piercing our ears. * We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. * We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. * We'll never discover we've been duped by Wonder Bra. ___________________________________________________   Something magical about seeing just the head and ears. No matter how many times you see it its still awesome! Mule deer. Lethbridge, Alberta. 08/20/2022 __________________________________________________  Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  This picture taken with a police drone shows the moment that officials say 30-year-old Mariah Spate had a handgun turned on deputies from the back of a patrol car AFTER she had slipped out of handcuffs. Mariah Spate, 30, Clearlake, California, USA.  Woman who slipped out of handcuffs, fired at Fresno County deputies identified  A felon, handcuffed and locked in the back of a deputies cruiser, was able to get a gun and open fire. The felon has been identified as 30-year-old Mariah Spate of Clearlake in northern California. Officials say on Thursday afternoon, three deputies called to evict the wanted professional criminal out on bond, waited for Spate to leave her apartment complex in her car before making contact with her - because she was known to be armed and dangerous. They got her handcuffed and into a patrol car. But while they were checking the car for a weapon, it turned out Spate still had a gun on her. She managed to slip out of handcuffs and fire at least once at deputies. Two of them fired back at least twice. A picture shows a bullet hole in the back window of the deputy's car she was being held in. Spate was taken to the hospital where she's in critical condition. Fresno police are investigating the shooting since it happened within city limits. They say it's still not clear how she managed to keep a gun on her after being arrested. Sheriff-Elect John Zanoni admits that when deputies are searching the opposite gender for weapons, the search is more minimal. Zanoni says there was a female deputy on the way to the scene to conduct a more thorough search. Spate has been wanted for months for being a felon in possession of a firearm. Plus, Fresno police say she is the prime suspect in a domestic violence shooting that happened on July 15th in northeast Fresno. Officials believe the firearm used in July could be the same one used Thursday afternoon. Now, she will also face two charges of assault with a deadly weapon on a peace officer. _____________________________________________________   Daryl Machum,Lethbridge, Alberta __________________________________________________ In 1987, Congress required that the Social Security numbers of all dependents age five and older be included on the tax return. In that tax year, over 7 million dependents disappeared from tax returns all over the country. Must have been the largest case of mass alien abduction in the history of the world. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Janine RE: New Browser Window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in my browser? Thanks Janine  Dear Janine Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. A brand new browser window will open with that link on it. HaveFUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Top 12 Reasons To Become A Nurse 1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good. 2. Fashionable shoes & sexy white uniforms. 3. Needles: It's better to give than to receive. 4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually. 5. Expose yourself to rare, exotic, & exciting new diseases. 6. Interesting aromas. 7. Courteous & infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting. 8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world. 9. Celebrate the holidays with all your friends....at work. 10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them. 11. All male doctors will flirt at you and one of them will marry you. 12. If not, a cute patient will. ___________________________________________________ "How are things going?" one bee asked another. "Terrible," the second bee replied. "I can't find any flowers or pollen anywhere." No problem," said the first bee. "Just fly down this street until you see all the cars. There's an outdoor bar mitzvah going on with lots of flower arrangements and fresh fruit." Thanks!" said the second bee, buzzing off. Later the two bees ran into one another, and the second bee thanked the first bee for the tip. Then the first bee asked, "But what's that thing on your head?" My yarmulke," the second bee replied. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  Today, August 22, in 1485, The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth Field. His successor was Henry VII. 1567, The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the Netherlands. 1642, The English Civil War began when Charles I called Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 1762, Ann Franklin became the editor of the Mercury of Newport in Rhode Island. She was the first female editor of an American newspaper. 1770, Australia was claimed under the British crown when Captain James Cook landed there. 1775, The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state of open rebellion by England's King George III. 1846, The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 1851, The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup. 1865, A patent for liquid soap was issued to William Sheppard. 1902, In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first president of the United States to ride in an automobile. 1906, The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with horn cabinet, sold for $200. 1910, Japan formally annexed Korea. 1911, It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 1932, The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its first TV broadcast in England. 1941, Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during World War II. 1959, Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy Rockefeller family. 1968, Pope Paul VI arrived in Bogota, Colombia, for the start of the first papal visit to Latin America. 1972, Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 1973, Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S. President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in the same year. 1984, The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly line in New Stanton, PA. 1986, Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old nuclear contamination lawsuit. 1990, U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the Persian Gulf. 1990, The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam Hussein's demand. 2022 Do! smiled.