good morning, Do! Today is SSunday, June 4 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 4 in 1784, Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height of 8,500 feet. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Mesa woman tried to kill boyfriend by running him over _____________________________________________________ Q Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. --- Doug Larson Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910 ______________________________________________________ The doctor was making his rounds and walked into the semi- private room in the hospital to examine old Mrs. Williams. After the exam in his best professional voice, he said smoothly, "You are coughing much more easily this morning." "I should," snapped the patient. "I've been practicing all night." _____________________________________________________ A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said: "Rapes in the underground parkade." ___________________________________  Rodochrosite ___________________________________________________ an fl bonehead award has been reported by rock  Gloria Gomez, 24, Mesa, Arizona, USA A San Tan Valley woman accused of running over her boyfriend during an argument Police say 24-year-old Gloria Gomez and her boyfriend got into an argument while she was driving last December in Mesa. During the argument, investigators say Gomez pulled into a parking lot near Main Street and Sycamore where her boyfriend got out of the car and tried to run away. Gomez allegedly ran her boyfriend over with the car, causing him major injuries, including broken ribs. ___________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, a husband asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." ___________________________________________________ A new addition to the periodic table of chemical elements Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: 180+ Physical properties: Solid at room temperature but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KID (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralizes by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janine RE: New Window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in my browser? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure there is. Hold down SHIFT when you click on the new link. ___________________________________________________ We got 10cm (4 inches) of snow, and it is still snowing. -9 degrees C. Forecast says it won't warm up until June or July. Then, according to the 172 year cycles, we will get Gullible Warming untill next October. ___________________________________________________ Today, October 18 in 1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." _____________________________________________________ Seeing ourselves as others would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Jones _____________________________________________________ Overheard at drug store last week. Standing near the check out stand, a teenager spotted a display of condoms. "Hey Dad, what's a three pack for?" remarks the teenager. "Those are for the weekend. Two for Friday night, and one for Saturday" remarked the father. "Then Dad, what's a six pack for?" "That's when she moves in to your pad. Two for Friday night, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday". "Then Dad, what's a twelve pack for?" "That's for when your married. One for January, one for February, one for......." _____________________________________________________ One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her dishevelled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janine RE: New Window Dear Webby, Normally I want my browser to re-use already open windows, so that it doesn't gobble up more memory than my computer has. But occasionally I DO want a link to go to a brand new window without losing the one that is open. Is there a way to do that without changing all the settings in my browser? Thanks Janine Dear Janine Yes, sure ther is. Hold down SHIFT while you click on that link. A brand new browser window will open with that link on it. Have fun! Dearwebby ____________________________________________ if you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ___________________________________________________  OrchidGoofus __________________________________________________ Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." _________________________________________________ today, June 4 in 1615, The fortress of Osaka, Japan, fell to shogun Ieyasu after a six month siege. 1647, The British army seized King Charles I and held him as a hostage. 1674, Horse racing was prohibited in Massachusetts. 1783, A hot-air balloon was demonstrated by Joseph and Jacques Montgolfier. It reached a height of 1,500 feet. 1784, Marie Thible became the first woman to fly in a hot-air balloon. The flight was 45 minutes long and reached a height of 8,500 feet. 1792, Captain George Vancouver claimed Puget Sound for Britain. 1794, British troops captured Port-au-Prince, Haiti. 1805, Tripoli was forced to conclude peace with U.S. after conflicts over tribute. 1812, The Louisiana Territory had its name changed to the Missouri Territory. 1816, The Washington was launched at Wheeling, WV. It was the first stately, double-decker steamboat. 1878, Turkey turned Cyprus over to Britain. 1892, The Sierra Club was incorporated in San Francisco. 1896, Henry Ford made a successful test drive of his new car in Detroit, MI. He called the vehicle a "Quadricycle." 1911, Gold was discovered in Alaska's Indian Creek. 1918, French and American troops halted Germany's offensive at Chateau-Thierry, France. 1919, The U.S. Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill. 1924, An eternal light was dedicated at Madison Square in New York City in memory of all New York soldiers who died in World War I. 1931, The first rocket-glider flight was made by William Swan in Atlantic City, NJ. 1935, "Invisible" glass was patented by Gerald Brown and Edward Pollard. 1939, The first shopping cart was introduced by Sylvan Goldman in Oklahoma City, OK. It was actually a folding chair that had been mounted on wheels. 1940, The British completed the evacuation of 300,000 troops at Dunkirk, France. 1942, The Battle of Midway began. It was the first major victory for America over Japan during World War II. The battle ended on June 6 and ended Japanese expansion in the Pacific. 1943, In Argentina, Juan Peron took part in the military coup that overthrew Ramon S. Castillo. 1944, The U-505 became the first enemy submarine captured by the U.S. Navy. 1944, During World War II, the U.S. Fifth Army entered Rome, which began the liberation of the Italian capital. 1946, Juan Peron was installed as Argentina's president. 1947, The House of Representatives approved the Taft-Hartley Act. The legislation allowed the President of the United States to intervene in labor disputes. 1954, French Premier Joseph Laniel and Vietnamese Premier Buu Loc initialed treaties in Paris giving "complete independence" to Vietnam. 1960, The Taiwan island of Quemoy was hit by 500 artillery shells fired from the coast of Communist China. 1974, The Cleveland Indians had "Ten Cent Beer Night". Due to the drunken and unruly fans the Indians forfeited to the Texas Rangers. 1974, Sally Murphy became the first woman to qualify as an aviator with the U.S. Army. 1984, For the first time in 32 years, Arnold Palmer failed to make the cut for the U.S. Open golf tournament. 1985, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a lower court ruling striking down an Alabama law that provided for a daily minute of silence in public schools. 1986, Jonathan Jay Pollard, a former Navy intelligence analyst, pled guilty in Washington to spying for Israel. He was sentenced to life in prison. 1986, The California Supreme Court approved a law that limited the liability of manufacturers and other wealthy defendants. It was known as the "deep pockets law." 1989, In Beijing, Chinese army troops stormed Tiananmen Square to crush the pro-democracy movement. It is believed that hundreds, possibly thousands, of demonstrators were killed. 2003, The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill that would ban "partial birth" abortions with a 282-139 vote. 2003, Amazon.com announced that it had received more than 1 million orders for the book "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." The released date was planned for June 21. 2008, The United Kingdom and Canada became the first countries to be able to buy and rent films at the 2023, Do smiled.
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