Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 18 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Mother kills five-month-old baby and stabs ex-boyfriend in neck ___________________________________________________ Today, January 18 in 1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. _____________________________________________________ Anger is never without Reason, but seldom with a good One. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist(1801-1850) If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, You're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist. --- Joseph Sobran, former Editor of the National Review The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --- Winston Churchill _____________________________________________________ Moshe was crossing the street in Miami when he was hit by a bus and knocked unconscious. A Catholic Priest arrived about the same time the paramedics got there. Not knowing his religion, the Priest administered last rites, following which Moshe's eyes fluttered and he was fully awake. The Priest told him about the last rites. Moshe said, "Well, a little change doesn't hurt". He couldn't wait to get home to tell his family about his experience. When he got there he said to his wife, "Sadie, you won't believe what happened to your husband today." She said, "Moshe, I don't have time. I am late for a Hadassah meeting. Your T.V. dinner is in the oven. See you later." Moshe then went to his daughter's room and said, "Darling, you should hear what happened to your Father today." She said, "Daddy, I am on the phone with a friend planning a wedding shower. Please close the door." Moshe then went to look for his son who was just backing the car out of the driveway. "Son, let me tell you what happened today. The son said, "Dad, I am late for a date. I need the car and $100." So Moshe went back in the house, shook his head and said. "Here I am, a gentile for only two hours and already I hate three Jews." _____________________________________________________ *Grandpa's Manners* "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???" _____________________________________________________ Village in Tibet Zakouvic Debbache ___________________________________________________ Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, Bill again contacted the phone company and told them there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine... except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour! __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Corrie Cowlay-Saunders, 22, Williamsport, Pennsylvania, USA Mother kills five-month-old baby and stabs ex-boyfriend in neck A mother has been charged with killing her five-month-old old baby and stabbing her ex-boyfriend in Pennsylvania. Corrie Cowlay-Saunders was arrested after police discovered the body of her five-month-old daughter with bruises around her neck and throat. According to police, the mother admitted to the killing. The death investigation began when the father of the child, Cordell Faltz, called police to report he had been stabbed by his ex-girlfriend, Cowlay-Saunders. Faltz said his ex-girlfriend broke into his home, stabbed him in his neck and jaw then took off in his car, according to WNEP. Cowlay-Saunders crashed Faltz's car and told responding officers her baby was dead. I killed my daughter was among the spontaneous utterances Corrie Shanikah Cowlay-Saunders made at UPMC Williamsport Regional Medical Center, city police say. She also is alleged to have commented about the babys father: I said to myself he is the one who deserves to die, so I went to his house to kill him. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Andy Re: No floppy slot on W10 laptop Dear Webby I used to do that trick with a floppy, but my W10 laptop does not have a floppy drive slot. Now what? Andy Dear Andy Get a penguin (Linux user) to make you a "Linux on a stick" Set your ccomputer to look for the USB port first when booting up. Linux boots up in a few seconds. You can make a background with your picture and name on it. "There! It's a computer, not a bomb!" You can even buy a "Linux on stick". It is usually very basic and not a full Linux installation, but more than good enough to boot up and show the page background. Have FUN! DearWebby The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16- 1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see...9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36." Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old" The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy who I put off in Buffalo!" ____________________________________________ A major electronics company, Siemens, is introducing a tiny necklace cell phone for women. Have you seen this thing? It's on a chain - you wear it around your neck - it hangs down right here to a woman's cleavage. The only problem women have with it; when it rings, every guy in the room yells, 'I'll get it.' ____________________________________________ What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today Jan 18 in 1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. 1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed the first German Emperor. 1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This date is the birthday of modern field hockey. 1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor. 1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles, France. It ensured that there would be a WWII 1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers Creepers." 1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in September of 1941. 1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World War II. 1948 "The Original Amateur Hour" debuted. The show was on the air for 22 years. 1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed. 1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight by huge aerial tankers. 1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York were unveiled to the public. 1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler," was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed robbery, assault and sex offenses. He was sentenced to life in prison. Desalvo was killed in 1973 by a fellow inmate. 1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning against Rhodesian independence. 1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a misdemeanor. 1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all 50 U.S. states for the first time. 1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was created. 1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three soldiers and seriously wound an American in a night attack in NW Rwanda. 2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was incorporated in Beijing. 2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and others, contended would make it challenging if not impossible for them to operate. 2021 Do smiled. |
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