Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 5 Wednesday is my town day. Bank, groceries, post office. Today, that coincided with a an unsuccessful body transplant or at least rejuvenation attempt. Vision and balance went out so bad I needed help with my post office box. May 5 was my mother's birthday. She died in 1977. I inherited two aneurisms from her. As you may have noticed, I am a tough fighter and I survived. However, what happened today was a bit scary. So I asked myself, what would YOU, Do recommend? "Go for a nap! So I did. My naps normally are 45 minutes or 2 hours. Well, this one was 12 hours! I have not slept that long for decades, if ever. But at least my vision is back again so I can see the keyboard. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Mum jailed for five years 6 months after leaving baby to die in squalid in London home __________________________________________________ On May 5 in 1494, Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria. _____________________________________________________ Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. --- Allan Goldfein An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) ____________________________________________________ A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi from one city were taking a car ride to a conference on world religions. On the highway they were in an accident. First the Priest steps out, makes the sign of the cross and says, "Oh, God, thank you for letting us survive." Then the Minister crosses himself and says, "Thank you dear Lord for protecting us." Finally the Rabbi steps out and likewise makes the sign of the cross. The Priest and Minister look at each other. Baffled, the Minister says, "We thought you didn't believe in that." To which the Rabbi responds, "Ach no, I was just checking to make sure I have everything -- spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch!" ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ During a recent publicity outing, Hillary took off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortuneteller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question. "Will I be acquitted?" ____________________________________________________   Barb Brown ___________________________________________________ >Larry When the Rosenbergs cat was run over by a car, the mother quickly disposed of the remains before her four-year-old son Moishie found out about it. After a few days, Moishie finally asked about the cat. "Moishie, the cat died," his mother explained. "But it's all right. He's up in heaven with God," she said in an effort to console him. Moishie asked,"What in the world would God want with a dead cat? ____________________________________________________ Weird Houses ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Fartun Jamal, Kingfisher Way, Brent, England, UK  Mum jailed for five years 6 months after leaving baby to die in squalid in London home  A mum has been jailed for five years after she left her 11- month-old daughter to die in a squalid London home. Baby Nafahat Diini was only 11 months old when she died in squalid conditions, surrounded by walls covered in faeces, rotten takeaways, a broken crib and barely any edible food. Her mum Fartun Jamal has been put behind bars for causing her death after she failed to seek medical treatment for her daughter when she became ill, despite their GP practice being just 70m away in Kingfisher Way, Brent. Police and paramedics carried out desperate attempts to resuscitate Nafahat after Jamal phoned 999 to say had stopped breathing. She was pronounced dead in the bedroom with human faeces smeared on the walls and window. Nafahats cot was broken and collapsed with no toys or photos of her throughout the house. The cot itself was a travel cot and was not a suitable bed for a child of Nafahats age. In Jamals bedroom, officers found mouse droppings on her mattress and more human faeces on the walls. Several of the rooms contained carrier bags full of dirty nappies and plates of rotting food. Officers searched the kitchen and found hardly any food. The only items in the fridge were two bottles of milk that were nearly empty. In the broken freezer was a melted carton of ice cream. On the windowsill was a container of cooked and congealed pasta that was being used as an ash tray. Jamal told officers that she had offered Nafahat formula milk earlier that morning but she had refused it. However, officers found no formula milk in the flat. DCI Madeline Ryder, the senior investigating officer, said the death had deeply affected investigating officers. She said: This is an absolutely tragic case that resulted in the needless death of an innocent baby. No child should ever have to suffer in this manner. For the vast majority of parents, to care for, protect and nurture their children is their main priority. However, Jamal was out partying just days before Nafahats death and had clearly placed her social life above that of the basic needs of her baby. A post-mortem examination gave the cause of death as a respiratory tract infection (bronchitis complicated with pneumonia). The doctor who pronounced Nafahat dead told officers it was a case of neglect. Jamal was arrested on suspicion of neglect and answered no comment to all questions. She was found guilty of causing the death of Nafahat Diini as well as three counts of child cruelty following a trial. Jamal, of Kingfisher Way, Brent, was jailed for five years and six months at Harrow Crown Court on Friday. DCI Ryder added: There is no sentence long enough to justify the taking of a babys life, however I am pleased with the outcome of todays sentencing. We hope that in some small way, this offers some comfort to Nafahats remaining family. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: DearWebby Re: Balance It's Thursday now already. I don't normally go to sleep until all the newsletters are sent. Wednesday I go to town for bank, shopping, post office. This time my vision and balance went out, so I went for a nap, when I came back. Now it is 05:45. AM ! And I still got 5 hours of work!! Sorry that the newsletters are late! Dear Webby  Dear Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
 If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _____________________________________________ The Three Religious Truths of Life: 1. The Jews don't recognize the Messiah. 2. Protestants don't recognize the Pope. 3. Two Baptists in a liquor store don't recognize each other ______________________________________________ Little Johnny comes home from school with his report card which has all D's and F's. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him. "But what about David down the street," they said, "he brought home all A's and B's" "Well, David is different," Johnny explained. "How so?" his father asked. "Because his parents are smart!" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, May 5, in 1494, Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria. 1798, U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea. 1809, Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread. 1814, The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, Oswego, NY. 1834, The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium. 1862, The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as Cinco de Mayo Day. 1865, The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing slavery in the U.S. 1891, Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was later renamed Carnegie Hall. 1892, The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation. 1901, The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at the Church of St. Andrew in New York City. 1912, Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing. 1916, U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic. 1917, Eugene Jacques Bullard becomes the first African- American aviator when he earned his flying certificate with the French Air Service. 1925, John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. 1926, Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in Germany for the first time. 1926, Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith." 1936, Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on bottle cap with a pour lip. 1945, The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi control. 1945, A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed. 1955, "Damn Yankees" opened on Broadway. 1955, The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became a sovereign state. 1956, Jim Bailey became the first runner to break the four- minute mile in the U.S. He was clocked at 3:58.5. 1961, Alan Shepard became the first American in space when he made a 15 minute suborbital flight. 1984, The Itaipu Dam opened on the Paran River between Brazil and Paraguay. 1987, The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened. 1991, In New York, Carnegie Hall marked its 100th anniversary. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!