Good Morning, Do! Thank you very much, Frank!!! Today is Friday, December 7 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Naked N.H. attacked police officer. He got tased and jailed. https://youtu.be/hBq_r1-G_4E ______________________________________________________ Today, December 7 in 1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack resulted in Canada declaring war on Japan, followed a day later by the USA. That caused the U.S. to enter into World War II. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ >From Ed I walked into Dairy Queen the other day and asked for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge. The girl replied, "The hot fudge only comes in one temperature, Sir." ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Two voices, male and female, on an overnight "red eye" plane flight. "I think everyone's asleep, lets go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty. No ones is looking. You go in first" "It a bit cramped, let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume you think of everything" "This is great..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the fake smoke detector!" ------------- Frequent fliers know that airplane toilets have "fart extractors", the smelly air is suckd down the toilet and allowed to escape to the thin air outside. By bending low over the toilet, as if praying to Ralph, the god of drunks, you can have that smelly cigarette, that is between going berserk and relaxed calmness. ______________________________________________________ So much for Algorian Warming! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Chase, 52, Merrimack, New Hampshire Naked N.H. attacked police officer. He got tased and jailed. A man walking completely naked in the parking lot of a Merrimack hotel was stunned with a Taser on Friday night after police say he tried to punch an officer. Richard Chase, 52, has been charged with indecent exposure, attempted assault and resisting arrest. A man walking completely naked in the parking lot of a Merrimack hotel was stunned with a Taser on Friday night after police say he tried to punch an officer. Richard Chase, 52, has been charged with indecent exposure, attempted assault and resisting arrest. From: Helene Re: No Right Click Dear Webby, Although I disagree with most of your political & social beliefs, your letter is really addictive and, hate to admit this, but enjoy -- a lot. So, thanks. Before I go through an elaborate process, any hints about what causes the right button of a mouse to suddenly stop functioning? It worked fine yesterday. Appreciate any advice. Helene Dear Helene First go into Settings, Control Panel, Mouse, Buttons and make sure that right clicking has not been turned off by some left-wing liberal program. If that is OK, shake and bash the mouse on the table. Don't be too gentle, except with the mouse cord. Make sure that there won't be any strain on the mouse cord during that. If that does not help either, replace the mouse. They are not made to last forever. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Acron, Ohio." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Storing Video Tapes Be careful that your video and camcorder tapes are stored away from electronics that have a magnetic field, like stereo speakers and TV's. Store your tapes somewhere dry and room temperature (60-70 F). Consider having a backup created on DVD of irreplaceable home movies. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Cool ceiling! I love the way it ripples. |
___________________________________________________ Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking." ___________________________________________________ A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but the young man kept sending him back. At 9:00 p.m., the doorbell rang. It was the next-door neighbor, Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No." Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here, Mom, but he won't let me go home." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Father - Daughter Talk A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs; in other words, redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. One day, she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich, and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professor had to be the truth, and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends either because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened, then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over." Her father asked her, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend Audrey, who only has a 2.0? That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA, and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA." The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea! How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work. And she's done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!" The father slowly smiled and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party." ___________________________________________________ | Today December 7 in 1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France. 1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. constitution becoming the first of the United States. 1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring. 1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 150- yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies. 1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The Electrolux Servel Corporation. I had one of those in the Yukon. 1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack resulted in Canada declaring war on Japan, followed a day later by the USA. Tht caused the U.S. to enter into World War II. 1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 people. It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire. 1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British Petroleum's assets. 1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the last U.S. moon mission. 1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E. Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant. The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards. 1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months in exile. 1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane crash. 1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a prison in Huntsville, TX. 1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet. 1987 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev set foot on American soil for the first time. He had come to the U.S. for a Washington summit with U.S. President Reagan. 1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest Airlines jetliner. 1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. 1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by half a million. 1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with the plan for free elections and a revised constitution. 1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion law which, required women to get counseling and then wait 24 hours before terminating their pregnancies. 1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman opened fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train. 1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S. government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in secret at its Nevada test site. 1993 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that the U.S. government study the impact of drug legalization. 1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the mothership before it was presumably destroyed. 1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-ever shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes. 1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by fighting between army and rebel forces in central Angola. 1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over 1996 campaign financing. 1999 A U.S. federal grand jury indicted a former convict in the 1995 disappearance of atheist leader Madalyn Murray O'Hair. 2002 In Amsterdam, Netherlands, two Van Gogh paintings were stolen from the Van Gogh Museum. The two works were "View of the Sea st Scheveningen" and "Congregation Leaving the Reformed Church in Nuenen." On July 26, 2004, two men were convicted for the crime and were sentenced to at least four years in prison each. 2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movies theaters were bombed within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people were killed and over 200 were injured. 2003 A 12-inch by 26-inch painting of a river landscape and sailing vessel by Martin Johnson Heade was sold at auction for $1 million. The painting was found in the attic of a suburban Boston home where it had been stored for more than 60 years. 2018 Do smiled. |
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