Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 1 Thank you, Betty!! Thank you, Norm !! ______________________________________________________ Today, May 1 in 1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost of $2,300. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Florida man was arrested last week for locking his girlfriend in a bathroom while he attacked a mattress in an apparent search for a man he believed was hiding inside.  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ In the fight between you and the world, back the world. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. --- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885) _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service) "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation) "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.) Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation) "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division) ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Felipe Oquendo, 37, Fort Walton Beach, Floriduh  Florida man was arrested last week for locking his girlfriend in a bathroom while he attacked a mattress in an apparent search for a man he believed was hiding inside.  Felipe Oquendo, 37, from Fort Walton Beach, was charged with false imprisonment and possession of drug paraphernalia on Friday morning after his girlfriend escaped from the bathroom and phoned authorities for assistance, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office. At around 1:10 a.m. on Friday, Oquendo's girlfriend, who has yet to be identified, called police, telling them that her partner had forcibly locked her in the bathroom after accusing her of cheating on him. Oquendo then attacked a mattress, believing that his girlfriend's alleged lover was hiding inside, according to authorities. The accused was said to have stabbed the mattress with a bedpost, before using his bare hands to rip it apart. His girlfriend was not injured in the incident. Upon their arrival, Oquendo told police that he had felt a movement within the mattress and denied allegations that he prevented his girlfriend from exiting the bathroom. He also claimed he found a man inside the mattress and fought him, but the man managed to escape the scene before authorities arrived, reported local news. Later, he admitted he had been smoking methamphetamine hours earlier on Thursday. Police discovered a glass pipe at the scene, which they believed Oquendo used to administer the drug. Authorities booked the suspect into Okaloosa County Jail. Fort Walton Beach, a small city in the Florida panhandle, has a crime rate 32 crimes per 1,000 residents that is considerably higher than the national average across all communities in America, according to NeighborhoodScout. Around 28 percent of communities in Florida have crime rates higher than Fort Walton Beach.  
 From: Janet Re: Not printing all letters  Dear Webby Every day we see an email from someone with a problem and your helpful reply. For those who are new to Dear Webby, I'd like to say that I have been receiving my daily dose of laughter and great links and assistance from the early 90's. And each time I have had a problem and written in, Dear Webby has helped me find a solution, even though my email was not printed in the newsletter. I know that I can trust the references, hints, and tips found in the newsletter. And I look forward to receiving it every day. I have it delivered to my gmail account also, so that when yahoo goes woooy I can be sure to get it. Thanks Webby, and keep up the great work. Janet  Dear Janet Thanks for the kudos! I get a lot of mail and a lot of help requests. It would be impossible to print all. Usually I try to select one that is representative of the most. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion. "Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let's say grace." When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only other person at the table. 
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 The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years". ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Movie Rewards Cards If you go to the movies often, check if they have a Movie Rewards program. You get points every time you purchase tickets and when you get enough points, you get something free like popcorn, a drink or a free movie ticket. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
Chandelier 
 ___________________________________________________ A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem." The next morning, when ! the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a huge stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table. "Gee, mom," the boy exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father." ___________________________________________________ One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older." ___________________________________________________  
 Today April 30 in 0408 Theodosius II succeeded to the throne of Constantinople. 1308 King Albert was murdered by his nephew John, because he refused his share of the Habsburg lands. 1486 Christopher Columbus convinced Queen Isabella to fund an expedition to the West Indies. 1707 England, Wales and Scotland were united to form Great Britain. 1805 The state of Virginia passed a law requiring all freed slaves to leave the state, or risk either imprisonment or deportation. 1863 In Virginia, the Battle of Chancellorsville began. General Robert E. Lee's forces began fighting with Union troops under General Joseph Hooker. Confederate General Stonewall Jackson was mortally wounded by his own soldiers in this battle. (May 1-4) 1867 Reconstruction in the South began with black voter registration. 1883 William F. Cody (Buffalo Bill) had his first Wild West Show. 1884 The construction of the first American 10-story building began in Chicago, IL. 1889 Asa Candler published a full-page advertisement in The Atlanta Journal, proclaiming his wholesale and retail drug business as "sole proprietors of Coca-Cola ... Delicious. Refreshing. Exhilarating. Invigorating." Mr. Candler did not actually achieve sole ownership until 1891 at a cost of $2,300. 1898 The U.S. Navy under Dewey defeated the Spanish fleet at Manila Bay in the Philippines. 1915 A German submarine sank the U.S. ship Gulflight. 1922 Charlie Robertson of the Chicago White Sox pitched a perfect no-hit, no-run game against the Detroit Tigers. The Sox won 3-0. Another perfect game did not come along until 46 years later. 1927 Adolf Hitler held his first Nazi meeting in Berlin. 1931 The Empire State Building in New York was dedicated and opened. It was 102 stories tall and was the tallest building in the world at the time. 1934 The Philippine legislature accepted a U.S. proposal for independence. 1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed an act of neutrality, keeping the United States out of World War II. 1941 "Citizen Kane," directed and starring Orson Welles, premiered in New York. 1944 The Messerschmitt Me 262, the first combat jet, made its first flight. 1945 Martin Bormann, private secretary to Adolf Hitler, escaped from the Fuehrerbunker as the Red Army advanced on Berlin. 1945 Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeded Hitler as leader of the Third Reich. This was one day after Hitler committed suicide. 1948 The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) was proclaimed. 1958 James Van Allen reported that two radiation belts encircled Earth. 1960 Francis Gary Powers' U-2 spy plane was shot down over the Soviet Union. Powers was taken prisoner. 1961 Fidel Castro announced there would be no more elections in Cuba. 1967 Anastasio Somoza Debayle became president of Nicaragua. 1968 In the second day of battle, U.S. Marines, with the support of naval fire, continue their attack on a North Vietnamese Division at Dai Do. 1970 Students at Kent State University riot in downtown Kent, OH, in protest of the American invasion of Cambodia. 1971 The National Railroad Passenger Corp. (Amtrak) went into service. It was established by the U.S. Congress to run the nation's intercity railroads. 1981 The Japanese government announced that it would limit passenger car exports to the United States over the next three years. 1986 The Tass News Agency reported the Chernobyl nuclear power plant accident. 1986 Bill Elliott set a stock car speed record with his Ford Thunderbird in Talladega, AL. Elliott reached a speed of 212.229 mph. 1992 On the third day of the Los Angeles riots resulting from the Rodney King beating trial. King appeared in public to appeal for calm, he asked, "Can we all get along?" 1998 Arrow Air was fined $5 million for using spare parts that lacked federal approval in the U.S. 1999 On Mount Everest, a group of U.S. mountain climbers discovered the body of George Mallory. Mallory had died in June of 1924 while trying to become the first person to reach the summit of Everest. At the time of the discovery it was unclear whether or not Mallory had actually reached the summit. 2001 Chandra Levy was last seen in Washington, DC. Her remains were found in Rock Creek Park on May 22, 2002. California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his relationship with Levy. 2011 U.S. President Barack Obama announced that U.S. soldiers had killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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