Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, December 31  Norah Head lighthouse NSW Australia Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: English Woman rode motorbike naked, got fingered in the street and punched a blind man and a cop  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 31 in 1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years.  See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to make a perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner, but there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don't know," said the farmer. "I can't catch him!" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM machine down there....." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   ____________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A Texan is bragging to his cousin in Montana. "On mah fahrm in Taxas," he drawls, "I can git on mah tractor, ride all daiy long, and still be on mah fahrm by nightfohl." "Yeah", replies his cousin, "I know what you mean. I once used to have a John Deere tractor like that too." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Natasha Claus, 36 Woking, England  English Woman rode motorbike naked, got fingered in the street and punched a blind man and a cop  A woman has been jailed and banned from entering Woking after she punched a blind man and was caught in the middle of a sex act in the street. Natasha Claus, 36, was described as 'a mess' by a judge after she turned up to court four hours late to be handed a 13-month prison sentence. The judge revealed that she had also been caught riding through the Surrey town naked on a motorbike, but added that she was not being sentenced for that particular incident. She pleaded guilty outraging public decency after she was caught in the middle of a sex act that Judge Peter Ross said was 'no doubt for money'. Prosecutor John Upton said she was spotted in Goldsworth Road, Woking, 'being fingered by a man' on July 29 this year. A mother with her two children asked her to stop and Claus responded by threatening to punch her. When she was arrested at the scene, police said her jeans were pulled up, but her knickers were in her handbag. Mr Upton told Guildford Crown Court that she was in the habit of befriending vulnerable men then taking advantage of them. Trouble flared when one of those men was threatened with being kicked out of his flat by the local council because of her anti-social behaviour. They argued and Claus attacked him. Because he was registered blind, he couldn't tell if it was with her palm or fist. When being arrested for the attack, she assaulted two police officers calling one of them a 'P**i c**t'. Defence barrister Timothy Leete said that she was addicted to inhaling butane gas, leading Judge Moss to tell her 'your life is a mess.' The judge added: 'Any assault on a vulnerable person is very serious indeed, as is any attack on the police officers who we have a moral obligation to protect.' The judge also made reference to a further indecent incident, saying: 'I had the impression there was some reference to her riding around on a motorbike with no clothes on, but that has nothing to do with the charges today.' He told her: 'You are a mess. Your life is a mess. I spoke to your son earlier and it is a testament to something in your son's life that he's never been to court and finds this whole situation awful. 'I have made a criminal behaviour order against you, restricting your movements and behaviour.' She was jailed for three months for the assault on the blind man, and two months for each attack on the police officer, two months for being racist to one of the officers, one month for outraging public decency and another month for abusing the woman who asked her to stop the sex act. She was also jailed for four months for breaching a suspended jail sentence.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Debi Re: NotifyAlert.exe Dear Webby, I enjoy your newsletter every day! Today I have a computer question that has been bugging my computer for some time. I continually get a Notifyalert.exe." Hwo do I get rid if that? Debi  Dear Debi Malwarebytes usually gets rid of that automatically. You can try using SearchEverything to find it and dump it. Notifyalert.exe could be from Novell, or from Dell, and most likely are due to transferring files from an old mqchine. Whatever the origin, you dont need it, and most sources say you should get rid of it, since it opens a back door to malware. Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  Thanks to Mona for this story: Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa. 
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 During the banquet celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" an anonymous voice yelled from the back of the room. Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self- restraint, meekness, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't need if you stayed single." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tablecloths for Fabric If you sew, a great way to find cheap fabric is to look at garage sales for tablecloths. Even if they have a stain or two, there will be plenty of good fabric for you to use for other projects. Tablecloths come in a variety of thicknesses, sizes and patterns so you can find fabric for a variety of projects. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font>  ____________________________________________________  Kids in the back seat cause accidents, and accidents in the back seat cause kids.  
 
Medieval Monarchs Who Died In The Most Embarrassing Ways Imaginable. 
 A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving.The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she was little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, December 31, in 1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in many windows being bricked up. 1711 The Duke of Marlborough was dismissed as commander-in- chief. 1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. Montgomery was killed in the battle. 1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental legislation in the U.S. 1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the capital of Canada. 1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive numbers of arrivals. 1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity before becoming part of New York City. 1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of hostilities in World War II. 1947 Roy Rogers and Dale Evans were married. 1953 Willie Shoemaker broke his own record as he won his 485th race of the year. 1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn more than one billion dollars in a single year. 1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 1967 The Green Bay Packers won the National Football League championship game by defeating the Dallas Cowboys 21-17. The game is known as the Ice Bowl since it was played in a wind chill of 40 degrees below zero. (NFL) 1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years. 1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start of 1979. 1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 1996 NCR Corp. became an independent company. 1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the public. 2017 Do smiled. 
 
 

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