Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, June 10 Thank you, Norm!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Naked woman tased after trashing an Outback in Ocala in rampage  ___________________________________________________ Today, June 10 in 1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. ____________________________________________________ Blessed are those who can give without remembering, and take without forgetting. --- Princess Elizabeth Asquith Bibesco ____________________________________________________ The class assignment was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Susie got up to read hers, "My brother was fighting with me, and he fell in the well last week..." she began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling yesterday." ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, everybody else does, often long before you actually get around to doing it. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Tina Kindred, 53, Ocala, Florida, USA  Naked woman tased after trashing an Outback in Ocala in rampage  Responding cops tasered a naked Florida woman who may have trashed two nearby restaurants and allegedly threw bottles at an officer much of it being captured on camera. Authorities charged the woman with aggravated battery on law enforcement and felony mischief. The incidents allegedly occurred at the Outback Steakhouse and the Mojo Grill in the city of Ocala. The woman was described as acting crazy at the Outback and acting out of control at the other establishment, both of which are located on the same road, according to the Ocala- News. Video of the bar breakage has gone viral. Video of the bar breakage has gone viral. https://twitter.com/i/status/1400846283611545600 Shortly before cops arrived, cell phone video shows the woman climbing on a bar and breaking bottle after bottle at one of the venues (which may have been recorded at the Outback location). A man can be heard in the background asking her to please get down. Before deploying the taser, the officer who dodged the thrown bottles ordered the woman to get on the ground. After he uses the device and she drops to the floor, he warns the suspect to get on her stomach, otherwise he will tase her for a second time. When [the suspect] was transported to Advent Health, the medical staff discovered she had a possible fentanyl patch on her pubic area, but it was later found she did not have any narcotics in her system, except THC, the report stated, Ocala- News claimed. The woman was subsequently booked into the Marion County Jail on a $5,000 bond and is due in court sometime in July.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Victoria RE: Fiber Dear Webby Are you going to be off for a while, while they install fiber? I hope not! Victoria  Dear Victoria I don't know. I tamed most of the cable spaghetti, that has accumulated in the last 20 years beside my desk. They have no excuse, but that has never made a difference to Telus. Hopefully they will finish their song and dance by evening. I am going to tell them, when they show up, that it is not MY stupid idea, but their Taliban fiber-salesmen pretending to be techs, who screwed up my perfectly good DSL to try to get me to downgrade to Fiber, and then claimed that the only way to unscrew their screw-up is by installing fiber. I think they know I am not impressed. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Hebonics 101 The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English - now dubbed Hebonics - as a second language. Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture. According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish. Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question -- plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus 'How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be, with my feet?'" Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?" Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress." Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a turtle,' could be: "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks." Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On Hebonics. Question: "What time is it?" English answer: "Sorry, I don't know." Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?" Remark: "I hope things turn out okay." English response: "Thanks." Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!" Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready." English response: "Be right there." Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business? Is there a fire?" Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time." English response: "Glad you like it." Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you? Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged." English response: "Congratulations!" Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds." Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?" English answer: "Just say when." Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?" To guest of honor at his birthday party: English remark: "Happy birthday." Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become." Remark: "A beautiful day." English response: "Sure is." Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?" Answering a phone call from son: English remark: "It's been a long time since you called." Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?" 
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 THE PLAN In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Airmen. And they spoke among themselves, saying "It is a crock of shit and it stinks." And the Airmen went unto their Sergeants and said "It is a pail of dung and we cannot live with the smell." And the Sergeants went unto their Captains, saying "It is a container of organic waste, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Captains went unto their Colonels, saying "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Colonels went to the Generals, saying unto them "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful." And the Generals went to the President, saying unto him "This new plan will actively promote growth and vigor with very powerful effects." And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. And the Plan became Policy. And this is how shit happens. ___________________________________________ Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing and eat for free; The fifth would pay $1: The sixth would pay $3; The seventh $7; The eighth $12; The ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. That's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement -- until one day, the restaurant owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." So now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six -- the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share?" The six men who had to pay realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being *paid* to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same proportion he had been paying. He proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay based on how they paid their taxes --- and so: The fifth man paid nothing (he had been paying $1) The sixth pitched in $2 (instead of his usual $3), The seventh paid $5 (instead of his usual $7) The eighth paid $9 (instead of his usual $12) The ninth paid $14 (rather than his usual $18) Leaving the tenth man with a bill of $50 instead of his previous $59. Each of the six was better off than before, and the first four continued to eat for free. As they left the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth and grumbled, "But he got $9!" Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got nine times more than me!" That's true!" shouted the seventh man, "Why should he get $9 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!" The eighth man grumbled, "He got three times as much back as I did, it isn't fair, it isn't fair at all." The ninth man screamed, "He got more than twice what I did." Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. We didn't get anything at all, the system exploits the poor, it's unfair, it's based on prejudice!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they each chipped in their revised amounts for the $80 tab and discovered something very important. They were $50 short! And that, boys and girls, journalists, college instructors (and teachers in general) is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. If you're the ninth man you better find other companions, maybe in a tax haven somewhere, because you know who the other eight will expect to make up the difference. Unfortunately, Liberals cannot grasp this straightforward logic, and they probably won't understand this explanation either. ____________________________________________ Two young women -- best friends -- try to do everything together. One day, one announces that she is going to start a diet to lose the pounds she has recently gained. "Good," the other exclaims. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great," the first woman replies. "I'll ride with you. Let's go to Burger King." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, June 10, in 1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to write a Declaration of Independence. 1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was the first public zoo. 1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to travel safely through the Mediterranean. 1854 The U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, held its first graduation. 1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was patented by Americus F. Callahan. 1903 Binney & Smith Company began developing a product line of wax crayons. The product was named Crayola. 1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first time. The Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when it wrecked off the Azores. 1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the British supported Arabs during the Great Arab Revolt. 1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman suffrage. 1924 The Republican National Convention was broadcast by NBC radio. It was the first political convention to be on radio. 1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text book that denied the theory of evolution. 1933 Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were in a car accident on a rural road in north Texas. The third-degree burns suffered by Parker resulted in a pronounced limp for the rest of her life. 1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G. Wilson and Dr. Robert Smith. 1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In addition, Canada declared war on Italy. 1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a Hungarian journalist. 1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock. 1944 The youngest pitcher in major league baseball pitched his first game. Joe Nuxhall was 15 years old (and 10 months and 11 days). 1946 Italy established a republic replacing its monarchy. 1948 Chuck Yeager exceeded the speed of sound in the Bell XS-1. 1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had been produced successfully. 1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended the Six-Day War. 1970 A fifteen-man group of special forces troops began training for Operation Kingpin. The operation was a POW rescue mission in North Vietnam. 1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China. 1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic missile. 1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years. 1985 Frank Sinatra was portrayed as a friend of organized crime in a "Doonesbury" comic strip. Over 800 newspapers carried the panel. 1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099 days of occupation. 1990 The Civic Forum movement won Czechoslovakia's first free elections since 1946. The movement was founded by President Vaclav Havel. 1990 Bulgaria's former Communist Party won the country's first free elections in more than four decades. 1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic material was extracted from an insect that lived when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. 1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions against Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air travel was suspended along with most financial transactions between Haiti and the U.S. 1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace talks. The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded. 1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor children in Milwaukee could attend religious schools at taxpayer expense. 1999 NATO suspended air strikes in Yugoslavia after Slobodan Milosevic agreed to withdraw his forces from Kosovo. 2015 The movie Jurassic World opened in 60 countries. It became the first movie to make $500 million its opening weekend. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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