Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, May 5 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Arizona Father charged with child abuse after using taser on 11 year old son six times in a year to get him to do his homework. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 5 in 1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ History is more or less bunk. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo. "Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said. "But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained. "Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new miracle doctor was in town. He charged $100 in advance, with a full money-back guarantee if his miracle did not cure a person. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor to prove that he wasn't so miraculous. He goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor leaves and after five minutes brings a jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. I will keep your $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little. Then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ______________________________________________________ Chinese Topiary Gardens ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darryl Ingram, 49, Goodyear, Arizona Arizona Father charged with child abuse after using taser on 11 year old son six times in a year to get him to do his homework. Bus Driver Asked Boy About Marks on Shoulder. He Says Theyre From a Toy His Dads Been Using. Ingram reportedly tried to trick him into thinking he was using a phone app to punish him, not a real Taser but the injuries the child suffered were all too real. The 49-year-old father denied using a real Taser on his son, claiming he only used an app on him. The father told police he didn't even have a Taser, but authorities found one and a family member confirmed that Ingram owned it. Ingram then allegedly admitted to police later that he used a real Taser on his son one time. He explained: "I was telling him this is a toy compared to what police use. I just kind of showed him against myself. It basically is like a pinch. It doesnt deliver much voltage or anything. It does kinda like pinch the skin. He also described his reason for using it: "If your behavior and the way youre doing things continues on, somewhere down the line, this is something that is going to be used on you. You have to be obedient. Ingram has been charged with child abuse for his actions. This isn't the first time Ingram has been investigated for abuse. On another occasion, school officials called child welfare workers to report that the father allegedly hit his son. Court records show that the case was later dismissed. His 11-year-old son has been removed from his custody and is now living with his mother in another state, where the sweet little angel will do his homework without needing a jolt six times a year. -------------------------- Considering that one jolt was not enough and that he needed five reminders throughout the year, some stronger punishment might be necessary. The carpet beater used for dusting my butt worked fairly well, especially with having to hang all the carpets on the fence afterward and having to beat them until they were clean, with all the neighbor kids snickering at a safe distance. By the time we got a vacuum cleaner, I had learned to behave. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marnie Re: Old clip art Dear Webby I am writing a book for friends with old recipes and need clip-art to decorate it. Where would I find that? Marnie Dear Marnie Try the "Gallery Of Regrettable Food" at Gallery There are all kinds of nowadays funny pictures, from dough-boy-PLUS shaped, pencil-mustachoid chefs, to moms in 40's and 50's style hairdoos messing with dough or old appliances. Some of the pictures need to be touched up, but many of them are quite funny. Check for copyrights Have FUN! DearWebby >From the Kidd family: TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand." ______________ TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog! ______________ TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? PUPIL: A teacher. _____________ TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLIE: Me! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Broken Terra Cotta Planters By Sandra When one of my terra cotta planters crack, or break, I take a hammer and remove the broken side and then place the good half in front of a plant in my garden. I cover the edges of the planter with just enough soil to hide them so it looks like the other half is buried. I love how it appears that the plant is 'growing' out of the half buried planter. And with the broken half that I hammered away from the good half, I hammer the pieces small enough to use in the bottom of another planter for drainage. There is no waste of a terra cotta, or clay pot, at my house. :-) You can glue them back together with white or yellow carpenter`s glue, or cement milk. (Cement and water) Usually that is stronger than original, but if you are worried, you can get the mesh that the sheet rockers use for gypsum board, smear some cement milk in the break area, dip the mesh in cement milk and slap it on. The rest of the pot may get broken some day, but that repair will remain solid. You can also wash the pot with cement milk to give it a grey, rock color appearance. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A college freshman, returning home for the summer, was discussing the problems of living at college. He was commenting on the cost of food, power, insurance and the other costs of living that we must all endure. Mom commented back to her son that she knew just how he felt. He got a puzzled look and said how would you know mom? You still live at home. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of silica, indicating 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high- tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians." One week later, the Canadian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Canadian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology. ------------------ Yep. That's right. Smoke signals are definitely wireless. To this day half the Government is accusing it the other half, that their posturing is just smoke and mirrors, while those in turn are trying to tax smoking out of Canadian life. However, if everybody stopped smoking, the Government couldn't afford medicare! Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on May 5 1494 Christopher Columbus sighted Jamaica on his second trip to the Western Hemisphere. He named the island Santa Gloria. 1798 U.S. Secretary of War William McHenry ordered that the USS Constitution be made ready for sea. The frigate was launched on October 21, 1797, but had never been put to sea. 1809 Mary Kies was awarded the first patent to go to a woman. It was for technique for weaving straw with silk and thread. 1814 The British attacked the American forces at Ft. Ontario, Oswego, NY. 1834 The first mainland railway line opened in Belgium. 1862 The Battle of Puebla took place. It is celebrated as Cinco de Mayo Day. 1865 The Thirteenth Amendment was ratified, abolishing slavery in the U.S. 1891 Music Hall was dedicated in New York City. It was later renamed Carnegie Hall. 1892 The U.S. Congress extended the Geary Chinese Exclusion Act for 10 more years. The act required Chinese in the U.S. to be registered or face deportation. 1901 The first Catholic mass for night workers was held at the Church of St. Andrew in New York City. 1912 Soviet Communist Party newspaper Pravda began publishing. 1916 U.S. Marines invaded the Dominican Republic. 1925 John T. Scopes, a biology teacher in Dayton, TN, was arrested for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. 1926 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was shown in Germany for the first time. 1926 Sinclair Lewis refused a 1925 Pulitzer for "Arrowsmith." 1936 Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on bottle cap with a pour lip. 1945 The Netherlands and Denmark were liberated from Nazi control. 1945 A Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain in Oregon. A pregnant woman and five children were killed. 1955 The Federal Republic of Germany (West Germany) became a sovereign state. 1961 Alan Shepard became the first American in space when he made a 15 minute suborbital flight. 1984 The Itaipu Dam opened on the Paran River between Brazil and Paraguay. 1987 The U.S. congressional Iran-Contra hearings opened. 2017 Do smiled. |
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