Good Morning, Do! Thank you very much, Frank!!! Today is Sunday, December 9 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Fla. Man Stole Sneakers After Job Interview at Kohl's  Blondie jumping onto frozen lake  ______________________________________________________ Today, December 9 in 1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball-bearing roller skate. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix. --- Christina Baldwin If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me --- Jimmy Buffett Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. --- Albert Einstein ______________________________________________________ Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he hanged the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: My creative mother enjoys doing crafts, such as making potpourri boxes decorated with ribbon and lace. Sometimes she gets so involved that she disappears into her upstairs workroom for hours, forgetting about more mundane things, like making dinner. One evening, I arrived home to find the kitchen empty again. But this time, I found a note that said, "Warning! Small craft advisory. Buy yourself a pizza!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Meredith for this famous classic: ( For English as a second language students: The old word for donkey, as used in the bible, is ass. When used in that sense, the word is no more obscene or objectionable than the word donkey. ) The Pastor's Ass The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the head lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The bishop was buried two days after that. ______________________________________________________   Dumbass parking _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Dominick Christopher Breedlove, 24, Spring Hill, Floriduh  Fla. Man Stole Sneakers After Job Interview at Kohl's  A Florida man was arrested after he allegedly stole two pairs of sneakers from a department store minutes after interviewing for a job there. Deputies in Hernando County arrested Dominick Breedlove and charged him with retail theft after the incident Wednesday afternoon at a Kohl's store in Spring Hill, located north of Tampa. According to NBC affiliate WFLA-TV, 24-year-old Breedlove went into the store shortly after the interview and started looking at a Nike display for women's shoes that did not have security tags. Breedlove left the store and later returned with a bag from a previous trip. A loss prevention officer called the Hernando County Sheriff's Office after seeing Breedlove put the sneakers, worth a combined $150, inside the bag and leaving the store. Officers arrested Breedlove on the way to his car, where he told deputies that he had planned to gift the shoes to his mother. Breedlove was booked into jail with a $500 bond. Needless to say, he did not get the job, the sheriff's office said. 
 From: Cookie Re: Open Office and PPS  Dear Webby, My personal computer Guru, Do I understand this correctly??? With Open Office you can snag individual pictures from pps shows? I sure hope so...there are so many fantastic pictures in pps files. Cookie  Dear Cookie Yes, you can! It opens the PPS with thumbnails of the individual pictures down along the left margin, and the highlighted thumbnail as the big picture in the center. You can edit the pictures, put text on them, change the duration of the show time, etc. And you can of course save the individual pictures that are "keepers". Or you can hit F5 for a traditional sit-back show. I can just hear you now: "Oh WOW! This is the way it should have been all along!" All of Open Office is that way. Like Microsoft Office SHOULD have been all along. Microsoft Office is trying to catch up, but in the meantime it got priced way too high for you and me. Have FUN! DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Thanks to Sandie for this story: My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed, "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued, "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue!" 
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 Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale?" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com December's Best Food Buys Buy food that is in season and you can save money at the grocery store. Here are December's Best Buys: Apples, Beef, Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, Chicken, Eggs, Grapefruit, Oranges, Pork, Rhubarb, and Turnips. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
Let's go to the Arctic. 
 ___________________________________________________ Abe came home one day and found his wife Esther in tears. "Darling, what's the matter?" "Oh, Abe," cried Esther, "Doctor Cohen says I have tuberculosis." "What! A big healthy woman like you has tuberculosis? Ridiculous," said Abe. "I'll call Doctor Cohen and get this sorted out right now." So Abe called his doctor. "Doctor, Esther says ! you told her she has tuberculosis." The doctor said something to Abe, and with that, Abe began laughing. "So what's so funny about my having such a dreadful disease?" asked Esther. "Esther, Doctor Cohen didn't say you that you have 'tuberculosis,' he said you have 'too big a tuchas'!" ___________________________________________________ Upon going away to college, my former brother-in-law received a hand mixer from his mother because of his fondness for mashed potatoes. Later that semester, she asked him how the mixer was working for him. "Not very good," Terry said, "the potatoes keep flying all over the kitchen." After a perplexed pause, his mother asked, "Terry, did you cook the potatoes first?" To which a surprised Terry responded, "You have to cook the potatoes first?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Polands Worst Air Disaster The worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. The search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. The pilot and passenger are helping with the digging. ___________________________________________________  
 Today December 9 in 1783 The first executions at Newgate Prison took place. 1793 "The American Minerva" was published for the first time. It was the first daily newspaper in New York City and was founded by Noah Webster. 1854 Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, "The Charge of the Light Brigade," was published in England. 1879 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Ore Milling Company. 1884 Levant M. Richardson received a patent for the ball-bearing roller skate. 1892 In London, "Widowers' Houses," George Bernard Shaw's first play, opened at the Royalty Theater. 1907 Christmas Seals went on sale for the first time, in the Wilmington, DE, post office. 1926 The United States Golf Association legalized the use of steel-shafted golf clubs. 1917 Turkish troops surrendered Jerusalem to British troops led by Viscount Allenby. 1940 During World War II, British troops opened their first major offensive in North Africa. 1940 The Longines Watch Company signed for the first FM radio advertising contract with experimental station W2XOR in New York City. 1941 China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. 1955 Sugar Ray Robinson knocked out Carl Olson and regained his world middleweight boxing title. 1958 In Indianapolis, IN, Robert H.W. Welch Jr. and 11 other men met to form the anti-Communist John Birch Society. 1960 Sperry Rand Corporation unveiled a new computer known as "Univac 1107." 1962 "Lawrence of Arabia" by David Lean had its world premiere in London. 1975 U.S. President Gerald R. Ford signed a $2.3 billion seasonal loan authorization to prevent New York City from having to default. 1978 The first game of the Women's Pro Basketball League (WBL) was played between the Chicago Hustle and the Milwaukee Does. 1985 In Argentina, five former military junta members received sentences in prison for their roles in the "dirty war" in which nearly 9,000 people had "disappeared." 1987 West Bank Palestinians launched an intifada (uprising) against Israeli occupation. 1987 In the Gaza Strip, an Israeli patrol attacked the Jabliya refugee camp. 1990 Lech Walesa won Poland's first direct presidential election in the country's history. 1990 Slobodan Milosovic was elected president in Serbia's first free elections in 50 years. 1990 The first American hostages to be released by Iran began arriving in the U.S. 1991 European Community leaders agreed to begin using a single currency in 1999. 1992 Britain's Prince Charles and Princess Diana announced their separation. 1992 Clair George, former CIA spy chief, was convicted of lying to the U.S. Congress about the Iran-Contra affair. U.S. President George H.W. Bush later pardoned George. 1992 U.S. troops arrived in Mogadishu, Somalia, to oversee delivery of international food aid, in operation 'Restore Hope'. 1993 The U.S. Air Force destroyed the first of 500 Minuteman II missile silos that were marked for elimination under an arms control treaty. 1993 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavor completed repairs to the Hubble Space Telescope. 1993 At Princeton University in New Jersey, scientists produced a controlled fusion reaction equivalent to 3 million watts. 1994 Representatives of the Irish Republican Army and the British government opened peace talks in Northern Ireland. 1996 UN Secretary General Boutros-Ghali approved a deal allowing Iraq to resume its exports of oil and easing the UN trade embargo imposed on Iraq in 1990. 1999 The U.S. announced that it was expelling a Russian diplomat who had been caught gathering information with an eavesdropping device at the U.S. State Department. 2002 United Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy after losing $4 billion in the previous two years. It was the sixth largest bankruptcy filing. 2003 In Australia, thieves broke into a home and stole two 300- year-old etchings by Rembrandt. The 4-by-4-inch etchings, a self- portait and a depiction of the artist's mother, were valued around $518,000. 2013 AMR Corporation and US Airways Group completed a merger and was listed on the NASDAQ as American Airlines Group, Inc. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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