Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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  Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, December 13  Thank you, Clyde!!!!  Where is the Gaevle Goat? In Gaevle, northern Sweden https://www.visitgavle.se/sv/gavlebocken?fbclid=IwAR1WtIXMgUBa_wJJ6nBdE-dFJ1ZynvXtkKT4HhT8ZFIKQKfeDk-3y0LxUyo In Northern Sweden the Christmas goat brings gifts to the kids. 
1411
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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 12, in 1982, The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Suspect arrested in fatal Shell gas station shooting had dead body in his home _____________________________________________________ Q You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty (1937 - ) Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. --- Dandemis Acting is the most minor of gifts and not a very high- class way to earn a living. After all, Shirley Temple could do it at the age of four. --- Katharine Hepburn (1907 - 2003) ____________________________________________________ While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the man left his hat on the bench, but didn't miss it until they were back on the freeway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The woman fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, that they would be late getting to their destination, etc. She called her husband every bad name she could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the man got out of the car to retrieve his hat, the woman yelled to him, "While you're in there, you might as well get my purse, too." __________________________________________________ David and an Italian and an Irishman, all first time fathers, are pacing nervously in a maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding up a newborn black baby. "Yours?" she asked the Italian man, who immediately curses her out in Italian and says "No! notta my kid!" "Yours?" The nurse asks the Irishman, who answers "It blodie will betta not be!" "OK, then it must be yours", she informs David, who sheepishly looks at the ground and mumbles "It must be, my wife burns everything! __________________________________________________ An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Torrey Moore, 31, Silver Spring, Maryland, USA Suspect arrested in fatal Shell gas station shooting had dead body in his home Montgomery County police say they found a decomposing body after making an arrest in the fatal shooting at a Shell gas station in Silver Spring. 31-year-old Torrey Moore of Silver Spring was arrested and charged with a homicide that occurred around 3 p.m. Thursday at the gas station in the 11100 block of New Hampshire Avenue. Police say detectives tracked Moore to the Enclave Apartments across the street. After obtaining a search warrant, police discovered a decomposing body inside the apartment. Moore told detectives that he had been in a relationship with the person located inside the apartment, who he states was eight months pregnant at the time. At approximately 3:03pm on Thursday, responding officers located an adult male victim suffering from a gunshot wound. 61-year-old Ayalew Wondimu of Silver Spring, an employee of the Shell station, was pronounced dead at the scene. A preliminary investigation revealed that Moore approached Wondimu, and an altercation occurred. Moore then shot Wondimu and left the gas station. Cashier shot and killed at Shell gas station in Silver Spring The body of the female victim has been transported for an autopsy. Detectives are waiting for the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner to make a determination of the cause and manner of death to determine appropriate charges. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, nothing was wrong, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A surgeon came to see his patient on the morning after her operation. The young woman asked him, somewhat hesitantly, how long it would be before she could resume her sex life. "I really haven't thought about it," gulped the stunned surgeon. "You're the first patient who's asked me that question after cosmetic surgery on the nose!" ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life." _______________________________________________ I was just visiting some friends who have a farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I just stood there thinking to myself, "I hope I never get THAT hungry." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Poor Ole was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept telling him the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. But the birds were ruining Ole's prize-winning flowerbeds. Two weeks later, a friend visited Ole and noticed his flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" Ole replied, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered since." ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: Open Office or MS Office Dear Webby My daughter has a new teacher, who is a MS Office fanatic and claims she has to learn MS Office because, according to her, industry and commerce use MS Office. She threatened to fail my daughter, if she catches her without an MS Office registration. Elvira Dear Elvira Her teacher lied. Imagine a company with 15000 or more employees. Are they going to pay a ridiculous amount to do exactly the same amount of work? Not bloody likely. Obviously the teacher got a financial incentive, and does not give a Pelosi about the kids. The work produced is exactly the same. The only difference is the incentive given to the teacher. Using the programs is similar enough that if she goes to work at one of the few places that still use MS Office, she can fake it and adapt in an hour. You may have to talk to the superintendedent or some bigshot, and find out if the bribe was paid to the school or to the teacher, and raise a fuss. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? Three times a week for two years ? I may be crazy but I am not stupid. A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how, if I may ask?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" ____________________________________________________ Today, December 13 in 1577, Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of the globe. The journey took almost three years. 1636, The United States National Guard was created when militia regiments were organized by the General Court of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1642, New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 1809, The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was performed without an anesthetic. 1816, John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 1862, In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 1883, The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 1884, Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin- operated weighing machine. 1913, It was announced by authorities in Florence, Italy, that the "Mona Lisa" had been recovered. The work was stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris in 1911. 1913, In the U.S., the Federal Reserve System was established. 1918, U.S. President Wilson arrived in France, becoming the first chief executive to visit a European country while holding office. 1921, Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the Pacific Treaty. 1937, Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks. The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 1944, During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were killed in the attack. 1964, In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a century-old border dispute. 1966, The rights to the first four Super Bowls were sold to CBS and NBC for total of $9.5 million. 1980, Three days after a disputed general election, Ugandas President Milton Obote was returned to office. 1981, Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt to crack down on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law ended formally in 1983. 1982, The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. 1987, U.S. Secretary of State George Shultz told reporters in Copenhagen, Denmark, that the Reagan administration would begin making funding requests for the proposed Star Wars defense system. 1988, PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York. 1988, A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto real estate developer for $65 million. 1989, South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first time with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson Mandela, at de Klerk's office in Cape Town. 1991, Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed to join the new Commonwealth of Independent States. 1991, North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non- aggression agreement. 1993, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be seized. 1993, The European Community ratified a treaty creating the European Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1, 1994. 1994, An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people crashed short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina, killing 15 people. 1995, China's most influential democracy activist, Wei Jingsheng, who already had spent 16 years in prison, was sentenced to 14 more years. 1998, Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-binding referendum. 2000, Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering civilian workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition. 2001, The U.S. government released a video tape that showed Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2001, U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to Russia that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. 2001, Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 2001, Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers during a 90-minute gunbattle. 2001, NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the conditions for accepting liquor ads. 2001, Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 2022 Do smiled.

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