Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, September 24 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Firebug Claims He Torched 135 Cars Because "Others" Used Vehicles For Sexual Liaisons  ______________________________________________________ Today, September 24 in 1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Do you realize if it weren't for Edison we'd be watching TV by candlelight? --- Al Boliska He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ Richard said he had a hat that says, "For sale- Ex Wife. Take over payments." Leo said, "It was all going OK until we split the house. Seems I got the OUT-side." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Patricia for bringing back this classic: Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'." ______________________________________________________   Is thant a Canon? _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Evon Stephens, 23 New York City, New York  Firebug Claims He Torched 135 Cars Because "Others" Used Vehicles For Sexual Liaisons  The New York City man charged with setting a massive blaze that damaged more than 135 vehicles at a Brooklyn shopping center told investigators that he was motivated to start the fire by his belief that others used the parked vehicles for sexual activity. Evon Stephens, 23, was named yesterday in a federal complaint charging him with starting Monday's seven-alarm blaze inside the garage at the Kings Plaza Shopping Center. The garage was used by car dealerships to store vehicles for sale. Stephens, investigators allege, initially torched a Mercedes- Benz, with the fire spreading to other vehicles. As he departed the garage Monday morning, Stephens made an obscene hand gesture towards a surveillance camera. After being apprehended Monday afternoon, Stephens told police that he routinely went to the garage and accessed vehicles owned by auto dealers. He reportedly confessed to starting the fire because he thought the parked autos were being used by others for sexual liaisons. The Brooklyn blaze--which took hours to extinguish--was battled by hundreds of New York City firefighters. According to city officials, six civilians and 22 firefighters suffered minor injuries in connection with the fire. Stephens, facing a felony arson charge, is being held at the federal detention center in Brooklyn. The accused firebug is pictured above in a surveillance photo from the Brooklyn garage. 
 From Duffy Re: Outside air for computer  Dear Webby: Our computer keeps shutting down and restarts with an error of CPU too hot. I realize that it does not get a lot of ventilation where it sits, but I could put a duct through the wall to the outside. Would the outside air hurt it? Duffy  Dear Duffy The outside air won't hurt it at all. Just put a rain guard on it like you see on dryer vents. Staple some old panty-hose or fine mosquito mesh over the hole first, before you snap on the dryer vent cap. On the inside, put the side of the computer with the easily removable lid, with the lid removed, snug against the hole in the wall. I would also highly recommend that you unplug the computer, bring it to a counter or high table with good lighting, vacuum it out thoroughly and then remove the CPU fan. You can usually do that without tools, as long as there is good lighting and you can see the snaps and levers that hold it down. Under the fan there is a finned heatsink. Get ready for an ugly sight! Some of the dirt on the heatsink you can vacuum off, but it's best to remove it and wash it with regular dishwashing soap until you see clean aluminum. Don't skip that step! If you get a "CPU Hot" warning, the heat sink is always crusted with dirt. After you put the heatsink and fan back on, cover all the air inlets with DuckTape, so that the machine will just use clean outside air. If you wait too long with cleaning the heat sink after you get that warning, the machine will die, so better get to it soon! Have FUN DearWebby  
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 A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still needed one." 
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 One psychiatrist has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely. He puts a cell phone in their hands. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Checkout Surprise  Buy The Right Grade, Not the Most Expensive You don't need to buy the highest priced gasoline. Most cars are built to run on regular unleaded. Check your owners manual or consult a mechanic. I have had many tell me that the more expensive gas is a waste of money.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
The Mima Mounds in Washington are a phenomenon unexplained by Science. 
 ___________________________________________________ What's Wrong Now? My friend, an ex-Marine aviator, wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us. Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments. As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Uh-oh!" Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?" George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Actual Bumper Stickers Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Cover me. I'm changing lanes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let him sleep. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Forget about World Peace... Visualise Using Your Turn Signal! Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekasion We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile.You Will Be Assimilated. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word? Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...till you can find a rock. ____________________________________________________  
 Today, September 24 in 1789 The U.S. Congress passed the First Judiciary Act. The act provided for an Attorney General and lower federal courts. 1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 1915 "The Lamb," Douglas Fairbanks first film, was shown at the Knickerbocker Theater in New York City, NY. 1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2 Biplane over Mitchell Field. 1933 "Roses and Drums" was heard on WABC in New York City. It was the first dramatic presentation for radio. 1938 Don Budge became the first tennis player to win all four of the major titles when he won the U.S. Tennis Open. He had already won the Australian Open, the French Open and the British Open. 1955 U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower suffered a heart attack while on vacation in Denver, CO. 1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to Little Rock, AR, to enforce school integration. 1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was launched. The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA. 1963 The U.S. Senate ratified a treaty that limited nuclear testing. The treaty was between the U.S., Britain, and the Soviet Union. 1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO. 1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton, and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and development of nuclear weapons. Nobody paid attention to that. 1998 The U.S. Federal Reserve released into circulation $2 billion in new harder-to-counterfeit $20 bills. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of 27 suspected terrorists and terrorist groups. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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