Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, February 2 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: English woman was raped at gunpoint by men in 'twisted tag team' in front of her dad   Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 2 in 1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ I don't really trust a sane person. --- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992) Getting caught is the mother of invention. --- Robert Byrne One forgives to the degree that one loves. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld It's not the years in your life but the life in your years that counts. --- Adlai Stevenson-Nightingale ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lilly for this story: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting. ______________________________________________________ A man had a terrible accident. His manhood was mangled and torn from his body. The doctor reassured him that modern medicine made it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but insurance didn't cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic. He had three choices - small for $3,500; medium for $6,500 and large for $14,000. The man was sure he'd want a medium or large. The doctor suggested that he discuss it with his wife privately before a final decision was made. The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man called his wife and told her their options. The doctor returned and found the man looking very sad. "Did you make a decision?" the doctor asked. "Yes," said the man. "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "I sure can. Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Aquib Ahmed, 18, Sheffield, England  Woman was raped at gunpoint by men in 'twisted tag team' in front of her dad  An 18-year-old man who repeatedly raped a young woman at gunpoint has been jailed for 20 years. Police said Aquib Ahmed and a 16-year-old boy, who cannot be named for legal reasons, operated as a 'twisted tag team' as they subjected the woman, who is in her 20s, to 'a disgusting, heartless attack'. The pair broke into a house in the Fir Vale area of Sheffield in March last year looking for drugs and threatening the man and his daughter inside, South Yorkshire Police said. Hunt for cyclist who sexually assaults women while riding past them But they realised they had targeted the wrong house as the occupants had no criminal or drugs connections. The pair returned three days later when they subjected the young woman to 'a disgusting, heartless attack'. Detective Constable David Devey said: 'They returned to the house, purely for their own sexual gratification, where they threatened the man and his daughter at gunpoint before they each raped the young woman repeatedly. 'Ahmed told the man and his daughter he'd kill them both if they reported what happened to police.' Temporary Detective Inspector Anna Sedgwick who led the investigation, said: 'The victims quite rightly viewed their home as a safe place, where they could relax and spend time with each other. Police confirmed that Ahmed, of Barnsley Road, Fir Vale, Sheffield was jailed for 20 years on Wednesday after pleading guilty to two counts of rape and possession of a firearm with intent to cause fear of violence at an earlier hearing. The 16-year-old boy was jailed for six years after pleading guilty to the same offences.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen  Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can do it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them. For the same legal reason, you also can not collect for somebody else. You have to collect for a company, and then let the company pay your partner. Have FUN! DearWebby   
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 A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman. "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. "No peer pressure" she responded. 
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 Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson. "And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it does YOU to go to church." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Debt Consolidation Warning Debt consolidation can offer a great opportunity for people that have amassed large amounts of credit card debt at unfavorable interest rates. You can get lower, more manageable monthly payments and reduce the number of bills you have to pay each month. The problem many people have is that they then start using their newly paid off credit cards again and end up with even more debt. If you don't change your spending habits, debt consolidation merely enables you to get further in debt.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."  
 
 Oh, wouldn't this be nice! 
 Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Johnny Cooper is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, February 2, in 1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. 1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was incorporated. 1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions of land to the U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility of all claims against Mexico by American citizens. Texas had already entered the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 1848 The first shipload of Chinese imemigrants arrived in San Francisco, CA. 1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark Twain. 1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history when they filmed the first motion picture close-up. The studio was owned and operated by Thomas Edison. 1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened at 12:01 a.m. Even though construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000 people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph machine, in Portage, WI. 1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from the Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. Stalingrad has since been renamed Volgograd. 1945 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 1946 The Mutual Broadcasting System aired "Twenty Questions" for the first time on radio. The show moved to television 3 years later. 1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400 years. 1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that ousted President Milton Obote. 1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports surfaced that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that targeted members of the U.S. Congress. Phony Arab businessmen were used in the operation. 1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, after nine years of military occupation. 1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 1998 U.S. President Clinton introduced the first balanced budget in 30 years. 1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when a cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 1999 Hugo Ch vez Fras took office. He had been elected president of Venezuela in December 1998. 2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the powder was the poison ricin. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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