Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 27  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 27, in 1914, World War I officially began when England declared war on Austria-Hungary. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award What luck for rulers that men do not think. --- Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945) Joe's Philosophy is based on that, and so is Petunia's. _________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?" __________________________________________________ WOMEN'S DAILY PRAYER Dear God, Thank you for making me healthy, Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, PLEASE make all my friends fat. Amen. ___________________________________________________ >From Roland A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk and asked if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life. Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures - 25 cents." "Why not," thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and pulled them out perfectly manicured. The next machine had a huge sign that read, "This Machine Provides What Men Need Most When Away from Their Wives - cost 50 cents." The salesman was embarrassed and looked both ways. Seeing nobody around he put in fifty cents, then unzipped his pants and stuck his penis into the opening - with great anticipation, since he had been away from his wife for 2 weeks. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony. Fifteen seconds later it shut off and, with trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his penis, which now had a button sewed on the tip. __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Tammy Schreiner, Brent Cox, Fresno, California, USA  Fresno mother admits to sex crimes for bringing 11-year-old into her 'throuple'  Investigators say Brent Cox repeatedly sexually abused the child and planned to make her his third wife. Tammy Schreiner was involved in a long-term love triangle relationship with husband and wife Brent and Jillian Cox. Prosecutors say Schreiner added a fourth person to their "throuple" when she brought her then-11-year-old daughter into their sexual relationship. She pleaded no contest to lewd acts with a child and felony child abuse Wednesday. "She's been held accountable for exposing her daughter to this terrible situation," said prosecutor Andrew Janz. Schreiner will have to register as a sex offender as part of her deal. Jillian Cox admitted to child abuse in October and is now serving four years of probation. Investigators say Brent Cox repeatedly sexually abused the girl and planned to make her his third wife. They say he even recorded video evidence of his crimes, but tried to hide it. They found it in a safe at his workplace, along with firearms Cox is not allowed to have because of a prior conviction. Brent Cox is still facing charges that could send him to prison for more than 41 years. His attorney didn't want to comment for this story, but legal analyst Tony Capozzi says he's more likely to try to settle the case now that the two women have reached plea deals because they could make the evidence against him even stronger. "They admitted what they did," Capozzi said. "This will have, I think, a direct effect on what he will do in the case now." "There were some legal issues with them being able to testify against each other," Janz said. "Now that they're no longer defendants in this case they're available to testify against Brent Cox who has not entered a plea." Cox has pleaded not guilty to the 13 charges against him. Janz says the girl is now living with other family members and recovering from the trauma. "It appears that she's doing better," he said. "So we're happy she's moving on with her life and being spared of going through a trial." Schreiner will be back in court in September when the judge is expected to sentence her six years in prison. _____________________________________________________ The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. When he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and after a rather bumpy ride down the runway, the plane rose just before the end of the runway. As they flew higher and higher the photographer said, "Fly over the north side of the fire," adding, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?" _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Audrey RE: PDF Program Dear Webby, Is Neil's PDF program really free? Can I use it to edit PDF docs before printing? Audrey  Dear Audrey Yes, the pogram recommended by Neil is free, and you CAN indeed use it to fill out PDF forms. Every tool you need to work with PDFs in one place Every tool you need to use PDFs, at your fingertips. All are 100% FREE and easy to use! Merge, split, compress, convert, rotate, unlock and watermark PDFs with just a few clicks. ------------ >From Neil heck this out https://www.ilovepdf.com/ Just don't get caught editing invoices. That would be fraud the same as editing $1 into $100 bills. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'p-u-t' or 'p-u-t-t'?" she asked the instructor. "'P-u-t-t' is correct," he replied. "'P-u-t' means to place a thing where you want it. 'P-u-t-t' means a vain attempt to do the same thing." ___________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor and tells him, "Doc, I'm having a really hard time controlling my bladder." The doctor says, "Get off my new carpet! Now!" ____________________________________________________   Nicobar Pigeon Jirawat Bousod ___________________________________________________ Having lost weight over the past few years, I was discarding things from my wardrobe that no longer fit. My seven-year-old niece was watching as I held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," I said. "I must have worn these when I was 183." My niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." _____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ There was this Lutheran minister who served a predominately German congregation for years. Pastor Heinz enjoyed telling Norwegian jokes from the pulpit, much to the delight of his flock. One year, Heinz was transferred to a predominately Norwegian congregation and the first Sunday, he told a typical joke from the pulpit. After the service a deacon approached and said that perhaps he should reconsider his choice of humor as some of the people may be offended. Pastor Heinz apologized, saying he would break this habit. One day, while reading his Bible, Heinz came across a story of the Amalekites and had an idea. He approached the Deacon and asked if he could tell an Amalekite joke. The Deacon said "I suppose that would be okay, I don't think we have any Amalekites in the congregation." Next Sunday, Pastor Heinz was getting into his sermon and said, "This reminds me of a funny story, seems there were these 2 Amalekites, Sven and Ole..." ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
 If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 
 Today, July 28, in 1821, Peru declared its independence from Spain. 1865, The American Dental Association proposed its first code of ethics. 1866, The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. Some pople are still fighting it. 1868, The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was declared in effect. The amendment guaranteed due process of law. 1896, The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated. 1914, World War I officially began when England declared war on Austria-Hungary. 1932, Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. They were demanding money they were not scheduled to receive until 1945. 1941, Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. House of Representatives. 1942, L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 1945, A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were injured. 1951, The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released. 1965, U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000. 1973, Lee Majors and Farrah Fawcett were married. 1982, San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to ban handguns. It made absolutely no diference. 1998, Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that created the second-largest phone company. 1998, Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of Malisevo. 1998, Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 2006, Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon after the Jurassic era. 2022 Do! smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!