Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, May 22 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman in labor smokes crack, leaves newborn in yard  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 22 in 1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and roll dances might be featured." See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. ---Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Malcolm: The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date. "Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks south of here." ______________________________________________________ Whoever sent this one to me, years ago, Thank You!   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Katrina Kegelman, 24, Clearwater, Floriduh  Florida woman in labor smokes crack, leaves newborn in yard  A pregnant Florida woman was arrested for allegedly smoking crack cocaine while in labor and leaving her newborn outside, police said. Katrina Kegelman, 24, of Clearwater, gave birth Monday night at her home and left the baby in the back yard, according to the Tampa Bay Times. A friend noticed blood on Kegelmans pants and called 911, the Times reported. Kegelman finally motioned to firefighters that the newborn was hidden in the yard, police said. Kegelman told police she lied about the child because she was afraid of getting arrested for having smoked crack moments before giving birth, the Times reported. Kegelman faces a child neglect charge. The infant is well, according to police. In most places use of crack, cocaine, or heroin during late pregnancy results in automatic confiscation and adoption of the infant by Protective Services and automatic child neglect charges.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: phishing at the PayPal pond Dear Webby I know you've touched on correspondence from PayPal in the past, but of course, I don't remember what you said! I received a notice to update my info with them today at the link below (which is in German, by the way, when I click on it). Any thoughts on whether they're who they say they are? The msge said to update by Aug 2 or my account will go into suspension. I know your knowledge is vast; maybe you can help me. Thanks! PS. It would not hurt to post a heads-up to the newsletter. Bonnie  Dear Dear Bonnie That's just some crooks trying to con you into giving them your PayPal password and info. PayPal will NEVER ask you for that info. They already know it! The same goes for Ebay or any bank. Forward PayPal spoofs to spoof@paypal.com. If you do feel compelled to fill it out, use totally bogus info. If some politician sends you junkmail, use his or her name and email address, and make up the rest of the info. It will just waste the crook's time, since it is highly unlikely that you correctly guess that politician's password. (unless you type in "password") Have FUN! DearWebby    A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead. 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Altoid Tin to Hold Business Cards By Judy Pariser S. [286 Posts, 2,665 Comments] The Altoid tin is the perfect size to hold business cards. I like to keep cards of recommended people like plumbers and electricians before I need them. The tin keeps everything neat and in one place. Comment: By Sandi/Poor But Proud [600 Posts, 2,474 Comments] Great tip. I also get the 12 packs of waxy ear plugs from Walmart. The container is the best size for cards and you can see them as well.   

Eagles take out drones!

There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me." ---------- I`ll keep that in mind just in case I ever get fairly wealthy when I turn 70! ___________________________________________________

In search of America's darkest skies.

"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous,...handsome, attentive, sensitive, caring and considerate." What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol asked?" "Oh," Betty replied, "the other one is straight."

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

>From Linda For many years I worked as a receptionist and switchboard operator at a busy company. After a good annual review, my supervisor told me I was up for a raise, pending approval of the vice president. A month later, my supervisor called me into his office and told me the VP had refused to approve the raise. His reason? I clearly wasn't doing my job. Every time he saw me, I was either chatting with someone in the lobby or talking on the phone. So I started doing the work for my Internet home business while on the job, and at the next review, got my raise.

 Today, on May 22 1246 Henry Raspe was elected anti-king by the Rhenish prelates in France. 1455 King Henry VI was taken prisoner by the Yorkists at the Battle of St. Albans, during the War of the Roses. 1570 Abraham Ortelius published the first modern atlas in Belgium. 1761 In Philadelphia, the first life insurance policy was issued in the U.S. 1819 The steamship Savannah became the first to cross the Atlantic Ocean. 1841 Henry Kennedy received a patent for the first reclining chair. 1849 Abraham Lincoln received a patent for the floating dry dock. 1868 Near Marshfield, IN, The "Great Train Robbery" took place. The robbery was worth $96,000 in cash, gold and bonds to the seven members of the Reno gang. 1872 The Amnesty Act restored civil rights to Southerners. 1882 The U.S. formally recognized Korea. 1891 The first public motion picture was given in Thomas Edison's lab. 1892 Dr. Washington Sheffield invented the toothpaste tube. 1900 The Associated Press was incorporated as a non-profit news cooperative in New York. 1900 A. DeVilbiss, Jr. patented his pendulum-type computing scale. 1900 Edwin S. Votey received a patent for the pianola (a pneumatic piano player). It could be attached to any piano. 1906 The Wright brothers received a patent their flying machine. 1939 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini signed a military alliance between Germany and Italy known as the "Pact of Steel." 1947 The Truman Doctrine was enacted by the U.S. Congress to appropriate military and economic aid for Turkey and Greece. 1955 A scheduled dance to be headlined by Fats Domino was canceled by police in Bridgeport, Connecticut because "rock and roll dances might be featured." 1955 Jack Benny did his last live network radio broadcast after a run of 23 years. He devoted his time fully to TV. 1969 A lunar module of Apollo 10 flew within nine miles of the moon's surface. The event was a rehearsal for the first lunar landing. 1972 U.S. President Nixon became the first U.S. president to visit Russia. He met with Soviet leader Leonid Brezhnev. 1972 The island Ceylon adopted a new constitution and became the republic of Sri Lanka. 1977 Janet Guthrie set the fastest time of the second weekend of qualifying, becoming the first woman to earn a starting spot in the Indianapolis 500 since its inception in 1911. 1986 Sylvester Stallone agreed to a 10-picture, six-year deal with United Artists. He signed for a reported $15 million for each film. 1990 In the Middle East, North and South Yemen merged to become a single state known as the Republic of Yemen. 1990 Microsoft released Windows 3.0. 1997 Kelly Flinn, the U.S. Air Force's first female bomber pilot certified for combat, accepted a general discharge. She thereby avoided court-martial on charges of adultery, lying and disobeying an order. 1998 New information came to light about the June 1996 bombing that killed 19 American airmen. The information indicated that Saudi citizens had been responsible and not Iranians as once believed. 2002 Chandra Levy's remains were found in Washington, DC's Rock Creek Park. She was last seen on April 30, 2001. California Congressman Gary Condit was questioned in the case due to his relationship with Levy. 2002 In Birmingham, AL, a jury convicted former Ku Klux Klansman Bobby Frank Cherry of murder in the 1963 church bombing that killed four girls. 2012 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower opened. 2017 Do smiled.

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