Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, February 6 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Pastor who preached Integrity caught pants-down in bed with married woman Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 5 in 1778 - The United States gained official recognition from France as the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance in Paris. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. --- Don Juan Manuel (1282 - 1349) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ HUSBAND: 1) A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. 2) A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. "But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot." ----------------- Time to start playing with imaginary balls or the 15 cent exploding balls. They don't really explode, they are made from compressed clay and look like they exploded when hit with a golf club. ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rev. O. Jermaine Simmons Sr., 36, Talahassee, Floriduh Pastor who preached Integrity caught pants-down in bed with married woman A married pastor in Florida who recently chastised the media for dishonesty was caught having sex with a married mom, according to a police report. The Rev. O. Jermaine Simmons Sr., 36, ran naked from Claynisha Stephens Tallahassee apartment after her husband of seven years caught the two in bed together on Jan. 17, the police report said. The husband, Benjamin Stephens, chased after the pastor with a pistol, but police ? summoned by the wife ? found him first, hiding with no clothes behind a fence. Simmons, pastor at Jacob Chapel Baptist Church in Tallahassee, wrote a blog post just weeks ago titled, Journalism is Dead. He argued modern news reporting lacks honesty and integrity. I cant help but mourn the death of pure, untainted journalism, Simmons wrote. Simmons also authored a 2016 book, I Need A Man, touted in a press release as a fresh perspective on the issues of godly manhood and mentoring. A photo included in a press kit announcing the release of a new book by Rev. O. Jermaine Simmons Sr. Tallahassee police said they learned of Simmons extramarital relationship when Stephens wife called 911. She told officers her husband grabbed a small handgun after he caught them in bed and went out the door in search of Simmons. Im going to shoot both of you, Benjamin Stephens said, according to the police report. Benjamin Stephens was nowhere to be found when officers arrived. Police found Simmons hiding behind a nearby privacy fence. Simmons told officers he visited Claynisha Stephens that day to discuss church matters. One thing led to another and the meeting took an inappropriate turn, the police report quoted him as saying. Claynisha Stephens told officers she and her husband attend Simmons church. She acknowledged having sex with Simmons and said he bolted after her husband caught them in bed. She said her husband told her hed considered shooting her, but decided not to because of their son, police said. Officers eventually tracked down Benjamin Stephens and found him in possession of Simmons clothes, wallet and car keys. He told officers he caught his wife and the pastor having sex in his oldest daughters bedroom, according to the police report. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Phishing Dear Webby Is it true that some of those phishing sites can steal your passwords and bank information even if you don't click on anything ? Rhonda Dear Rhonda Yes, but not if you use MailWasher. (blue button one the right) In MailWasher you see how phoney their mails are, before you download the dangerous part. It shows you the underlying real URL under the phoney one. If you don't have MailWasher, be extremely careful with mail that pretends to be from ANY bank or government agency or any shipping company. Just opening, without actually clicking on anything in some of those mails, will start a script that will install a tiny trojan, that will later call for the rest of the program to harvest your computer. Whenever something looks like it could be from ANY bank, have a close look at the top 20 or 50 lines that you let MailWasher check. You can easily tell from that if the mail is legit or phoney. Don't even bother filling things out with your favorite politicians name and address. Just accepting the form or going to it is enough to contaminate your computer. If it looks the least bit suspicious, let Maillwasher send it to hell. Have FUN! DearWebby Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it she gets really mad and starts cussing." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Wallpaper Bubbles If you have a larger wallpaper bubble, bigger than quarter, cut an X into the bubble and carefully peel back each corner from the center of the X. Then apply some wallpaper paste to each corner and flatten them out with a damp sponge. For smaller bubbles, cut a slit into the bubble using a sharp utility knife. Then use a syringe to squirt some wall paper adhesive into the slit and smooth out the bubble. ____________________________________________________ Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and the junior one by 10 years said to the elder on his birthday; "How do you feel now that it's your 95th birthday... I mean... How do you really feel? You're 95 years old today... how do you honestly feel?" "Honestly, you say? You really want to know? I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, can't walk, just wet myself, and I think it's funny." ___________________________________________________ | | Stormtrooper animal helmets. |
A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about his life. He talked about his wife and 13 children. "My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very proud of you!" "I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish." "Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex maniac, aren't you?" Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today on February 6 1778 - The United States gained official recognition from France as the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 1815 - The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad charter to John Stevens. 1899 - The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. and Spain. 1900 - The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference decree that created in international arbitration court at The Hague. 1932 - Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic competition. 1937 - K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer when she received her degree from John Marshall Law School in Chicago, IL. 1952 - Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, succeeded him. 1959 - The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 1971 - NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on the surface of the moon. 1973 - Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. 1985 - The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first new product in 123 years. The new items were water with a twist of lemon, lime or orange. 1987 - President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and became the oldest U.S. President in history. 1998 - Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. President Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by U.S. President Clinton. 1999 - King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 1999 - Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's impeachment trial. 1999 - Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between Ethiopia and Eritrea. 2000 - Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 2000 - In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first woman to be elected president. 2000 - U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of New York, after the sitting Democrat senator was ordered by the Democrat party to resign and vacate his seat for her. 2001 - Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 2002 - A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban." 2017 Do smiled. |
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