Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, October 7 Thank you, Gordon !!!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Boca Raton Man Charged With Driving During Zoom Court Hearing  ___________________________________________________ Today, October 7 in 2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. ____________________________________________________ If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) "The freethinking of one age is the common sense of the next." --- Matthew Arnold (1822 - 1888), ____________________________________________________ A famous football coach was on vacation with his family in Maine. When they walked into a movie theater and sat down, the handful of people there applauded. He thought to himself, "I can't believe it. People recognize me all the way up here." Then a man came over to him and said, "Thanks for coming. They won't start the movie unless we have ten paying people or more." ____________________________________________________ A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions). The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully." The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do: 1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy teddy. 4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place. She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store. The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" ____________________________________________________   Ruth DeFoor Yellow-crowned Night Heron, Inglewood ____________________________________________________ GOVERNMENT PIPE SPECIFICATIONS 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Tony Cook, Boca Raton, FL, USA  Boca Raton Man Charged With Driving During Zoom Court Hearing  Tony Cook Drove, Spoke With Judge, Despite License Suspension For DUI.  Tony Cook Drove, Spoke With Judge, Despite License Suspension For DUI. Boca Raton resident Tony Cook is facing a felony charge of driving without a license after he was caught driving during a Zoom court hearing which he was attending for a burglary charge. BOCA RATON, FL (BocaNewsNow.com) (Copyright 2021 MetroDesk Media, LLC) Boca Raton resident Tony Cook is facing a felony charge of driving without a license after he was caught driving during a Zoom court hearing which he was attending for a burglary charge. The judge told Cook to stop driving, but apparently he didnt, even though his license was suspended for DUI. He was arrested on July 20th. This is the narrative written by the arresting Boca Raton Police officer: On May 28, 2021, I was contacted by Chief William (Bill) Fraser with the Palm Beach County State Attorneys Office in reference to a zoom court incident that had taken place on May 13, 2021. While addressing the Honorable Judge Daliah Weiss, Defendant Tony Cook in case number 21CF002120AMB was operating a motor vehicle during his court hearing. Assistant State Attorney (ASA) Kristin Vara brought this incident to the courts attention to where it was addressed. On June 1, 2021, I met with Chief Fraser and obtained a DVD copy of the court incident described above. Mr. Cook was identified through a FL driving record of C200-816-67- 163-0. Upon reviewing the video, I noticed the following: At 10:16:02 AM, Mr. Cook appeared on video as he sat in the driver seat of a vehicle. ASA Vara had acknowledged that she knew Mr. Cook had a permanent DL revocation from a prior incident. The court immediately addressed this and ordered Mr. Cook to pull over and stop driving. At 10:16:42 AM, the court again ordered Mr. Cook to stop driving, to by stating yes maam, I am pulling over right now. Cook was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail by Boca Raton Police. He was later released on his own recognizance. A court date is pending, fir which Cook will presumably be told to attend while sitting in one place.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Jody Re: Facebook spam Dear Webby, My dad is a minister and really lives on the straight and narrow, because if he as much as has a shoe lace improperly tied, they bitch. I KNOW he never went to any dubious sites on Facebook, because I use his account and that kind of stuff does not interest me. We use his account just for communicating with some of his members. Yet two or three times a day he gets friend requests from scantily clad hookers, inviting him to go to their WhatsApp pages for sex and prostitution. Dad is NOT interested. Not just because he is a minister, and mom takes good care of him, and according to her, his equipment has stopped working ten years ago. Is there a way to stop those whores from spamming him? Jody  Dear Jody WhatsApp is owned and operated by Zuckerberg. Nice irish name, eh? Same owner as facebook. As long as he wants to feature his sisters and friends, there is nothing you can do. I get those phony friend requests too. All I do is click on REMOVE. Anything else is a waste of time, because the hooker friend requests are a FaceBook inside job. Have FUN! DearWebby 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like my work, Please donate a dollar, they are all just guessing or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online!

 A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what ?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner. ____________________________________________ A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He even said, 'Thanks.' " ______________________________________________ A driver stopped by police for talking on his mobile phone told them his cousin had rung to warn him police were stopping cars ahead. ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping. The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, October 7, in 1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances." 1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of Saratoga began. 1868 Cornell University was inaugurated in Ithaca, NY. 1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly line when the chassis was added to the process. 1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was formed. 1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and entered North Korea. China in November proved their threat to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops over the border into North Korea. 1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the first hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and pillows. 1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty with Britain and the Soviet Union. 1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next president of Egypt. 1982 A record was set when 147,000,000 shares were exchanged on the New York Stock Exchange. 1985 The United States announced that it would no longer automatically comply with World Court decisions. 1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism in favor of democratic socialism. 1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor, and naval firepower to Somalia. 1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert. 1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by preventing banks from offering other cards. 1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to $4.83 billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet drug caused dangerous problems with heart valves. 2000 Vojislav Kostunica took the oath of office as Yugoslavia's first popularly elected president. 2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in Afghanistan in response to that state's support of terrorism and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first military action taken in response to the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 2021 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog