Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday Aug 3 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: 3 illinois burglars arrested during cellphone store bruglary while cops were watching  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 2 in 1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships. The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 ______________________________________________________ The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A Minnesota Story All of his life Olle had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Olle's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Olle stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Olle went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Olle's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in August, and the lake is not frozen." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland: Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.' ______________________________________________________   Now THAT is a bouquet! _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Danielle Mitchell, 28, Rockford, William Howard Sanders IV, 31, Rockford, Michael Picaseo Davis, 24, of Chicago, Illinois  3 illinois burglars arrested during cellphone store bruglary while cops were watching  Three people from Illinois were arrested Saturday in Davenport after police say they broke into a cellphone store and stole more than $60,000 worth of phones. Danielle Mitchell, 28, William Howard Sanders IV, 31, both of Rockford, and Michael Picaseo Davis, 24, of Chicago, face charges of first-degree theft, third-degree burglary, conspiracy to commit a non-forcible felony and possession of burglary tools. They remained in the Scott County Jail Monday on a $10,000 cash- only bond. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for Aug. 9. At 4:46 a.m. Saturday, Davenport police were dispatched to U.S. Cellular, 351 W. Kimberly Road, for a burglary alarm. According to police, the three used a crowbar to enter the business and were wearing gloves to cover their hands. The three then took approximately $66,000 worth of cellphones from the business and tried to drive away from the area but were blocked by officers, according to police. Inside the vehicle, officers found 95 phones, according to police. The theft charge is a Class C felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. The burglary and conspiracy charges are Class D felonies punishable by up to give years in prison. The possession of burglary tools charge is an aggravated misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Martin Re: Listing Service Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Yesterday I rec'd a bill from Listing Corp (NY, NY) for the domain to the tune of $35.00. Was surprised as I thought I pay all such things through you. Is it something extra, to have it listed with the "10 search engines" or........? Martin  Dear Martin That's just scam-spam. There is absolutely no reason to be listed in the Nigerian Pork Inquirer or the NY Listing Corp, or similarly obscure "Listing" services, that absolutely nobody ever looks up. Just trash the scam-spam. It's just some scammers trying to con gullibility tax out of you. If you want search engine listings, add relevant text. That is all that counts. Have FUN! DearWebby    Thanks to Ross: Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there. 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fork as Barbecue Tongs  By joanWZ [109 Posts, 39 Comments] When you're going to a picnic and you forget your tongs, that's not a problem anymore! I used two forks as my tongs for picking up my barbecued food. Simply attached the forks back to back and tie it with a rubber band. Now you have your fork tongs! Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________  
  
 
The Lion Whisperer 
 ____________________________________________________  "Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "Whoa! But...how???" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was *me* coming home drunk!!" ___________________________________________________  
 
 The art of making people look twice. 
 ___________________________________________________ Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ >From Eva I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" -------------- That happened to me too once, in Las Vegas. 
 ____________________________________________________ 

 Today in 1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships. The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared School Management." 1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag was officially flown during battle. 1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of $2.75. 1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain due to the Spanish Civil War. 1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold medals. 1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to apologize for the incident. 1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island. 1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation Sunshine." 1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in Moscow's Red Square. 1989 Hashemi Rafsanjani was sworn in as the president of Iran. 1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the testing of nuclear weapons. 1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet under joint command. The agreement was to last for three years. 1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New York's World Trade Center. 2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the public. The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March 2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to declare the right of indigenous people to govern themselves. 2017 Do smiled.

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog