Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, October 1 Today in 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russian communists into capitalists. 26 years ago Russia gave up on Communism. Will somebody please tell Broom Hilda and Bernie? Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award:  Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now. Recovering from the fright.  ______________________________________________________ Today, October 1 in 2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated the use of the filters. San Francisco decided to provide sanctuary to child porno. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top...!" ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes God said, "Divorcing them works for most, but unfortunately not all. Do you want two lanes or four on that silly bridge?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John. ______________________________________________________   Usual practise in Britain is to bounce a vehicle out of the way, paint the new lines, then bounce the vehicle back on top of the new lines, and issue a parking ticket. This vehicle must have been too heavy for the yobs. _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Axel Rivera, 28, Titusville, Florida  Florida grandmother pops out teeth to scare off nude man on back porch. He is in jail now. Recovering from the fright.  Facebook A grandmother in Titusville, Florida, opened her blinds early Friday morning, expecting to see her cat on the back porch, only to see a nude man standing there, according to police. Axel Rivera, 28, was wearing a two-piece jail outfit and a pair of flip-flops when he faced a judge Friday afternoon on charges of burglary and exposing sexual organs. That's three more items of clothing than Titusville police said Rivera was wearing when he was discovered on Pennelope Pettersen's screened porch around 2 a.m. I always look first. I opened the blinds and said, 'What the hell? That's not my cat,' said Pettersen. Pettersen, who once worked in security and law enforcement, decided she'd give the intruder a fright. She popped out her teeth. Grandma no teeth! she shouted. Rivera's is held at the Brevard County jail on $20,000 bail. 
 From Gerry Re: Phoney PayPal mails  Dear Webby, I know you mentioned phoney PayPal letters a few times, but I never paid attention because then I didn't have a paypal account. Now I do and today I got an email that looks like it is from Paypal and that asks me to verify details about my account. But it was sent to my other address, not the one I use for PayPal. What's the proper procedure? Gerry  Dear Gerry PayPal NEVER asks you to submit any information via email. NEVER click on any links in mails pretending to be from PayPal. If you have MailWasher, then you can see in the preview details that underneath what looks like a link to PayPal, the link actually goes to some number domain. With some email programs you can see those numbers in the status line when you hover the mouse over the link. Real PayPal mail never has links except to https://www.paypal.com They just tell you to log in normally and go to this or that department. If you get phoney PayPal mails, expose the header and forward the mail to spoof@paypal.com Have FUN! DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex- husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex- husband will get ten times what she wishes for. "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 These were actual things that kids have said about our various phenomena of the world...you gotta love them! *Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there. *Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother. *Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers. *We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. *In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's. *Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do. *Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does. *We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe. *Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail. *In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes. *A blizzard is when it snows sideways. *A monsoon is a French gentleman. *Thunder is a rich source of loudness. *Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. *It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places. *The wind is like the air, only pushier. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Meatloaf Muffins To make meatloaf in convenient serving sizes, make your favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Then just serve a meatloaf muffin to each person.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Best of the week, People Are Awesome! 
 ___________________________________________________ A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son on and hugs him. "So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink. The man takes a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water . . . right Lou? ____________________________________________________  
 Today, October 1 in 1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France. Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively doubling its size. 1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The act raised tariffs to a record level. 1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post Office. 1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford. The purchase price of the car was $850. 1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I by a force made up of British and Arab forces. 1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the Spanish state. 1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control of the Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days before. 1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll superhighway in the United States. 1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World War II. 1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted. 1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University of California at Berkeley. 1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with the United States. 1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over to Panama. 1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on the cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to achieve this in 97 years. 1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney. 1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli jet fighters. 1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany after they were allowed to leave by the communist government. 1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait. 1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended. 1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the U.S. Senate. 1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a series of trade agreements. 1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a lockout of the players that lasted 103 days. 1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S. through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994. 1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing. 2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away from children at city libraries. The board left the decision up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated the use of the filters. 2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog