Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, January 22 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Muslim student believing fake news and angry with Trump tries to burn down a Catholic college Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 22 in 1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives of Texas): "If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my being. However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation, the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it. This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle. ____________________________________________________ Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you thank her for two pies?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Lilac Roller, national bird of Kenya AND Botswana. It looks delicate, but actually is 14 inches tall. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ "Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them. _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tnuza Jamal Hassan, 19, St. Paul, Minnesota Muslim student believing fake news and angry with Trump tries to burn down a Catholic college Hassan was arrested after trying to burn down St. Catherine's University in St. Paul. She was upset after hearing that Trump's push to escalate the War on Terror resulted in a school being bombed in Iraq. There's no actual proof that happened, but Hassan wanted to retaliate nevertheless. She also tried to burn down a university building housing a daycare with over 30 children inside. A former college student from Minneapolis has been charged with intentionally setting four fires at St. Catherine's University in St. Paul to avenge Muslims killed in US bombings in the Middle East. A criminal complaint alleges 19-year-old Tnuza Jamal Hassan confessed to investigators she started the fires on Wednesday because she had been reading about the US military destroying schools in Iraq or Afghanistan and felt she should do the same thing. Hassan is charged with first-degree arson. 'Hassan said this was the same thing that happened in the Muslim land and nobody cares if they get hurt, so why not do this?' the complaint stated. The complaint, cited by Minneapolis Star Tribune, says Hassan told police her intent was to hurt people and to burn the Catholic university to the ground. The teenager was also quoted as telling police and arson investigators: 'You guys are lucky that I don't know how to build a bomb because I would have done that.' On Friday, Hassan appeared in Ramsey County District Court and was charged with a single count of first-degree arson, reported Pioneer Press. She was then remanded back to the county jail. Officials say a sprinkler system prevented a dormitory fire from spreading to a day care center where 33 children and eight adults were present. The university said in a press release on Thursday that the fires were 'small and quickly contained, and no one was injured. There was damage to furnishings, but no structural damage to the attacked buildings.' Police obtained surveillance video from the university, which allowed them to track Hassan to Crandall Hall where she was ultimately taken into custody in a student lounge after a room- to-room search. According to the college, the 19-year-old was last enrolled at St Catherine's in the fall of 2017. Hassan reportedly dropped out because her family were planning to travel to Ethiopia. Officials said between 11.40am and 2pm, Hassan torched a chair at St Mary's residence hall and burned a few smaller items, including books, toilet paper and sanitary napkins in women's bathrooms on campus. Following her arrest, Hassan allegedly told police that she had written a letter to her roommates containing 'radical ideas about supporting Muslims and bringing back the caliphate,' the complaint said. The letter frightened the roommates, who handed it over to campus security. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ilah Re: Picture compression Dear Webby, This question has been addressed before but I did not have the brains to print your response and put it on file. IT will be filed this time. How do you compress pictures? We have a large number of snaps of what has to be the world's most beautiful, intelligent and entertaining kitty and we want to send copies to friends and family. I do not know what we would do without your Humor Letter. It gets the day off to a great start. Ilah Dear Ilah When you open a picture with a graphics program, like for example Paint Shop Pro, you can re-size it. For example, straight out of the camera it is 4000x3000, for email it should be 640 x 480. So, first you change the physical size and save kitty27.jpg as kitty27-640.jpg. That preserves the original for your archive. That resizing alone might be enough to allow fast sending. You can still go a step further by compressing it. Now, when you save kitty27-640.jpg, you can click on the options and select the compression ratio. Compression does not change the visible size, it just changes the color depth, and the file size. Usually a compression of 10 - 15% is usually OK, but over 15% pictures tend to look a bit washed out. Keep in mind that compression is a one way street. Once pixels have been washed out, you can not get them back from Santa Claus and put them back in there. That is why you keep a pure archive copy. If you got too carried away with the compression, you can always start again from the big original. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. From a 2006 Bonehead Award: When moviemakers told Gallatin, Tennessee, Mayor Don Wright they wanted to use his office to film a scene with a superheroine, he kindly obliged. But Wright was startled when the movie's title, "Thong Girl 3," and his role in its making was splashed across the front page of Friday's editions of the Nashville Tennessean newspaper. "I had no idea what the movie was about," Wright said on Friday. "They told me it was about a superhero woman and there was no nudity or offensive stuff in it. Other than that, I really didn't have a clue." According to the Thong Girl Web site, heroine Lana Layonme wears a red thong under a cape as she flies over Nashville repelling a villain who is trying to turn country music performers into rappers. The movie is the third in a series released only on DVD. "They said it was family friendly," said Wright who let the locally-based crew use his office for two hours. "We've had a lot of movies filmed in this area during the past few years. In fact, I think Sally Field was in one of them. Anyhow, I thought it was good for business." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Old Magazines Give your old magazines to hospitals, nursing homes, senior centers, schools or clinics. Schools need magazines for research and for children to cut pictures out of. Any where there is a waiting room there are people hoping for something to read. By Marianne Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374? "No, this is 555-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 22, in 1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. 1771 The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain. 1824 The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast. 1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1879 James Shields began a term as a U.S. Senator from Missouri. He had previously served Illinois and Minnesota. He was the first Senator to serve three states. 1879 British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana. 1889 The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in Washington, DC. 1895 The National Association of Manufacturers was organized in Cincinnati, OH. 1900 Off of South Africa, the British released the German steamer Herzog, which had been seized on January 6. 1901 Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 64 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her. 1903 The Hay-Herr n Treaty was signed by United States Secretary of State John M. Hay and Colombian Charg Dr. Tom s Herr n. The treaty granted the United States rights to the land proposed for the Panama Canal. 1905 Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia, resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed. 1917 U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in Europe, calling for "peace without victory." The US entered the war the following April. 1941 Britain captured Tobruk from German forces. 1944 Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during World War II. 1950 Alger Hiss, a former adviser to U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, was convicted of perjury for denying contacts with a Soviet agent. He was sentenced to five years in prison. 1951 Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for politics. 1957 Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT. George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30 explosive devices in the New York City area. 1957 The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had invaded Egypt on October 29, 1956. 1962 Cuba's membership in the Organization of American States (OAS) was suspended. 1964 Kenneth Kaunda was sworn in as the first Prime Minister of Northern Rhodesia. 1970 The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of the Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London about 6 1/2 hours later. 1972 The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark joined the EEC. 1973 Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional career to George Foreman. He had been the undefeated heavyweight world champion since February 16, 1970 when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis. 1973 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that had been restricting abortions during the first six months of pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion. 1984 Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third quarter of Super Bowl XVIII. 1992 Rebel soldiers seized the national radio station in Kinshasa, Zaire's capital, and broadcast a demand for the government's resignation. 1995 Two Palestinian suicide bombers from the Gaza Strip detonated powerful explosives at a military transit point in central Israel, killing 19 Israelis. 1997 The U.S. Senate confirmed Madeleine Albright as the first female secretary of state. 1998 Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges for his role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison without parole. 2000 Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in removing the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting him with his father in Cuba. 2001 Former National Football League (NFL) player Rae Carruth was sentenced to a minimum 18 years and 11 months in prison for his role in the 1999 shooting death of his pregnant girlfriend, Cherica Adams. Adams died a month later from her wounds. The baby survived and lives with the victim's mother. 2001 Acting on a tip, authorities captured four of the "Texas 7" in Woodland Park, CO, at a convenience store. A fifth convict killed himself inside a motor home. 2002 In Calcutta, India, Heavily armed gunmen attacked the U.S. government cultural center. Five police officers were killed and twenty others, including one pedestrian and one private security guard, were wounded. 2002 Lawyers suing Enron Corp. asked a court to prevent further shredding of documents due to the pending federal investigation. 2002 Amazon.com announced that it had posted its first net profit in the fourth quarter (quarter ending December 31, 2001). 2002 AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in federal court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's Netscape Internet Browser when Microsoft began giving away its competing browser. 2002 Marc Chagall's work "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was found at a postal installation in Topeka, KS. The 8x10 oil painting is valued at about $1 million. The work was stolen a year before from the Jewish Museum in New York City. 2002 Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it the largest retailer in history to seek legal protection from its creditors. 2003 In New York, the "Leonardo da Vinci, Master Draftsmen" exhibit opened at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 2003 It was reported that scientists in China had found fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 2018 Do smiled. |
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