Good Morning, Do!  Today is Thursday, August 17 Thank you, Marie W.!! Thank you, Claude P! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Beemer, Benz, Bentley, Busted! ___________________________________________________ Q Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. --- Russel Lynes ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: 1978, Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in Miserey, France. ___________________________________________________ A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to fill the eaten portion with some canned salmon and other camouflage and rushed to the store to get the stuff. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where your car ran over it, when you went to the store." ___________________________________________________   I have called you here today to finalize our plans for world domination. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Rock I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me. I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?" She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before your came here?" I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!" ____________________________________________________ >from Rock I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. "So, what have you been doing with yourself?" the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars, selling drugs and running a dozen hookers." They've never called back. ______________________________________________ For his wife's birthday party, George ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just getting better." Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the maid served the cake that he discovered, that the cake read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP. YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." ____________________________________________________   Gouldian Finches ___________________________________________________ So," Jane asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the- way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear, that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Dani Re: PlaceHolder Dear Webby Could you please tell me if there's a way to underline or mark a line to keep your place when reading a long document? I have Macular Degeneration and find it hard to keep my place when reading. I know you are full of precious tricks for the computer. Do you have one in your bag for my problem? Thanks so much. Love reading your newsletter each day. It always puts asmile on my face. Dani  Dear Dani I have Macular Edema, the opposite of what you have. You have potholes in the Macular, I have speed-bumps. Mine is kept under control with injections of Lucentis through the eyeballs into the macular behind the retina. Are you getting those injections? Re Placeholder: I don't know of one. Are you reading web pages, or PDF e-books? I usually just use CTRL and the Scroll wheel to enlarge the text, then scroll the page so that the lines I am reading are just above the bottom of the visible area. Wiping a sentence wit the mouse highlights it, temporarily. That works often, but not if you walk away. So far I have not found a proper place holder, but I will keep looking. Maybe one of the subscribers knows of a place holder? Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ >From Jeannie "Women don't need conventional tools around the house, we'll use anything that's handy. But when pounding a nail, don't use a shoe - shoes cost $40 a pair. A package of frozen hamburgers costs $2. Use the hamburger. ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Originally reported by Boca Post.com  Clint Augustin-Cox, 35, Hollywood, Floridam USA  Beemer, Benz, Bentley, Busted!  Detectives apprehend a suspect who they say is the ring leader behind a high end auto theft operation in South Florida. According to the Broward Sheriffs Office, detectives apprehended 35-year-old Clint Augustin-Cox, of Hollywood, who they say is the ring leader behind a high end auto theft plaguing several counties in South Florida. According to detectives, a two-year investigation ended with the arrest of Augustin-Cox for coordinating the sale of stolen high-end vehicles throughout Broward county. Detectives say Augustin-Cox sold a stolen Bentley SUV, a BMW X6 SUV, a Mercedes GT63 sedan, and a Mercedes G550 wagon. All of the vehicles were believed to be stolen from several different counties by juveniles males recruited by Augustin- Cox. Since auto theft, especially high-end auto theft, is such a problem in our area, BSO is reminding people of the following ways to help deter auto theft: Lock your doors. Do not leave key fobs in your car. Locked or not. Do not leave valuables in your vehicle, especially in plain sight. Do not leave your garage door opener in your vehicle. If you vehicle is equipped with a built in one, dont program it. Augustin-Cox is facing the following charges: 4 counts of GRAND THEFT FIRST DEGREE>$100000 OR LEO SEMI-TRLR 4 counts of DEALING IN STOLEN PROPERTY OBTAIN PROPERTY OVER 50000 DOLLARS BY FRAUD USE 2-WAY COMM DEVICE TO FACILITATE FELONY __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 17, in 1790, The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from New York City. 1807, Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. 1815, Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the island of St. Helena. 1859, A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 1863, Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 1896, The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 1903, Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 1915, Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first electric ignition device. 1943, The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and British forces entered Messina. 1945, The nationalists of Indonesia declared their independence from the Netherlands. 1961, The Communist East German government completed the construction of the Berlin Wall. 1973, Lee Trevino got the first hole in one of his career at the U.S.I. Golf Classic, in Sutton, MA. 1977, Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in the company's history. 1978, Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in Miserey, France. 1982, The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived in the United States before 1977. 1985, A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. meat packers walked off the job. 1992, Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 1996, A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 1996, Ross Perot was announced to be the Reform Party's presidential candidate. It was the party's first-ever candidate. 1998, U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 1998, NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest U.S. bank. 1998, Russia devalued the ruble. 2002, In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened to the public. 2017, The first observation of a collision of two neutron stars took place. 2023, Do smiled. 

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