Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 20 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Naked homeless man breaks into ritzy LA home and slaughters family pets, terrorizes owner ___________________________________________________ Today, July 20 in 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. ____________________________________________________ I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) ____________________________________________________ >From Rock I waited for a very long time for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my driver's license. As I approached the window, the clerk asked how she could help me. I replied, "I need to get a haircut, can you save me my spot?" She said, "Why didn't you get a haircut before your came here?" I replied, "I didn't need one before I got here!" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ >from Rock I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. "So, what have you been doing with yourself?" the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars and selling drugs." They've never called back. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Paul Kiyan. age 34 Los Angeles, California, USA Naked homeless man breaks into ritzy LA home and slaughters family pets, terrorizes owner A naked homeless man broke into an upscale Los Angeles neighborhood home on Thursday in the middle of the afternoon and then proceeded to swim in the pool, shower, try on clothes, and stomp two pet birds to death. The man broke into the home using a garage door opener that was left in an unlocked car, according to the police. The owner, Mat Sabz was home at the time taking a shower when his wife checked in on their surveillance system and saw the man in their home. She called her husband who quickly confronted the man after realizing the sounds he heard downstairs were not from his wife. Im upstairs, whos in the house? Sabz yelled according to Fox 11. Hey! Who are you? What are you doing here? Its my house. What are you doing here? Im gonna call the police right now, Sabz informed the intruder. He didnt even move, he looked at me and said this is my house, and he started coming up the stairs, Sabz recounted. I said okay I have to escape, I dont have anything to fight this guy with. So I climb off the balcony and fortunately, the car is in the driveway, I jump on top of the car barefoot, he noted. Later, after the man was arrested by neighborhood security, he was identified as Paul Kiyan. age 34. He is being charged with burglary and animal cruelty. Kiyan was viewed walking around the pool without clothes just before 2 p.m. Thursday. He can be seen roaming inside the home from the wifes phone. I was so frightened and scared that this guy is going to be doing something to my husband, Monica stated. She reported that after her husband escaped over the second- floor balcony, they waited for private security and police to arrive on the scene. Kiyan was allegedly in their home for 45 minutes before he was taken into custody. The owners small children were not home at the time of the invasion. But later when the mother brought them home, they found their two beloved parakeets dead. The father reported that the homeless man had methodically and heartlessly stomped on the two birds: He went and opened the cage with like a serial killer looking smile squeezing them, dropping them and stomping on both of them as they are screaming for their lives these birds, Sabz angrily recalled. The other bird knew what was going on, Sabz recounted. You can hear the bird screaming and he did the same thing with the second bird. And that kind of changed everything when we saw that he killed these two defenseless animals. It doesnt matter where you live, it doesnt matter if you dont see transients, they could get in, and they got in, the couple warned after the incident. The family is so traumatized by the invasion that theyre not staying in their home in Bel Air at least for now. They are just thankful no one was hurt other than their pets. DearWebby's tech support pits from: Dani Re: PlaceHolder Dear Webby Could you please tell me if there's a way to underline or mark a line to keep your place when reading a long document? I have Macular Degeneration and find it hard to keep my place when reading. I know you are full of precious tricks for the computer. Do you have one in your bag for my problem? Thanks so much. Love reading your newsletter each day. It always puts asmile on my face. Dani Dear Dani I have Macular Edema, the opposite of what you have. You have potholes in the Macular, I have speed-bumps. Mine is kept under control with injections of Lucentis through the eyeballs into the macular behind the retina. Are you getting those injections? Re Placeholder: I don't know of one. Are you reading web pages, or PDF e-books? I usually just use CTRL + Scroll wheel to enlarge the text, then scroll the page so that the lines I am reading are just above the bottom of the visible area. Wiping a sentence wit the mouse highlights it, temporarily. That works often, but not if you walk away. So far I have not found a proper place holder, but I will keep looking. Maybe one of the subscribers knows of a place holder? Have FUN! DearWebby For his wife's birthday party, George ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just getting better." Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the maid served the cake that he discovered, that the cake read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP. YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ So," Jane asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the- way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear, that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site." ____________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first." ____________________________________________ Staggering in from their fifteenth anniversary dinner, the husband collapsed in a chair and let out a stentorian belch. "That's it George ! I've had it this time." his wife screamed. "No more sex for you, forever." "Nah, you can't control that." he replied, "You cut me off ten years ago, and you don't have a clue where I have been getting it regularly since then." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, July 20, in 1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White House. 1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 1861 The Congress of the Confederate States began holding sessions in Richmond, VA. 1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all cigarette packs was passed. 1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops. (Montana) 1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing on Mars. 1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work. 2021 Do smiled. |
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