Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, May 14 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Panty Claus Stalker arrested Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 14 in 1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France.  More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >A classic from Kati Thanks to Kati for this story: The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney. The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no Full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable." "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a Demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, With Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week." Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Isitro Lee Sanches, 59, Panama City, Floriduh  Neighbor guilty in stalking case busted with 90 pounds of panties  A man known in his trailer park as Santa Claus has been convicted of breaking into a neighbor's home to leave her notes and panties he wanted to see her wear. The Bay County Sheriff's Office arrested Isitro Lee Sanches in April 2017 after serving a search warrant on his Kimbrel Avenue trailer in Callaway, where they found about 90 pounds of women's underwear. After a one-day trial, jurors on Friday found Sanches, 59, guilty as charged Thursday on three counts of burglary and a count of aggravated stalking. Sanches faces up to 40 years in prison on the combined charges, according to the State Attorney's Office. His sentencing is set for May 11. Prosecutor Calie Rivera told the jury that from January to April 2017, one of Sanches' neighbors received countless notes and pieces of undergarments in her car, on her front porch and inside her home on her bed. Within each note was a subtle message that a stranger was watching her and waiting for the day he could see her in the underwear he'd picked. This case was a nightmare, Rivera said. It was one long nightmare from January to April 2017. Sanches' defense attorney, Seth Killion, argued that prosecutors had no direct evidence that tied him to the stalking charge. He conceded Sanches was in her home, but that he did not have a criminal intent. The only thing they are going to prove is that he was there, Killion told the jury. But they won't be able to prove he was there with intent to commit a crime. The jury disagreed. Rivera presented bag after bag of panties to the jury during the woman's testimony, having her read aloud the notes attached. The woman said while the jury saw numerous panties in the trial, she hadn't been able to collect all of them. It got to the point it happened several times a day, she said. I was just gathering the notes and the panties so I could report them later. It got too much. I work two jobs. The woman said on top of the growing task of collecting all the evidence, she and her family also became scared and eventually were forced to moved. My kids were scared, she told the jury. We had to get hotels a few times. I had to move as soon as school got out. BCSO initially responded in January 2017 to a stalking complaint after the woman found about eight pairs of panties and a note inside her unlocked car. Months passed, and she continued to find women's underwear on her front porch, in her kitchen and on her bed. After she went to work April 13, 2017, her boyfriend heard someone enter the residence and confronted a male neighbor known as Santa Claus in the kitchen. He found a man in the kitchen staring back at him and demanded answers, Rivera said. Instead, the man he confronted stared off like a deer in headlights. He then walked to the door and used his shirt to turn the knob and leave. Sanches then walked home to his trailer, looking over his shoulder to see the boyfriend in pursuit. After that, BCSO obtained a search warrant and recovered three 30-pound bags of women's underwear from Sanches' home. It's unclear if there were other victims, but the woman said she was traumatized by the experience. He was just my neighbor we waved a couple times, she said. I felt violated and scared scared for my children. 
 Tech Support Pits From: Tory Re: Power Strips  Dear Webby Dear Webby, The power cord question reminded me of two more... 1) I've been told power strips and/or surge protectors wear out and that one should replace them about as often as one does the computer - every 3 yrs if budget allows (grin). True or not? 2. At work, it used to be the practice to use the on/off switch on surge protectors/power strips to turn off computers. "Back when" we were always told it was a lot cheaper to replace a power strip with worn out switch than it was to repair a worn out on/off button on a computer. Then folks started saying that that was a stupid idea, since "how could a surge protector do it's job if it wasn't turned on?". 3) Do you know whether a computer is still protected if the surge protector is turned off? (At home we don't debate this. Since we have a lot of storms, the practice has been to just unplug anything electronic and expensive.) Thanks from a fan! Tory  Dear Tory 1) Cheap surge protected power strips usually have a light or lighted switch. When their suicide transistor has given it's life while protecting your equipment, the light flickers or, with some models, does not light. You can still use it for power tools and lights, but it won't protect delicate equipment from surges any more. 2) The power switch on a computer is $1.29 retail, the power strip is $9.95 Strange math they used there! However, if there were people around, who could not be relied on to turn their machine off, then of course a common power strip or breaker does make sense. In the days of 10" greenie monitors and the IBM DisplayWrite menu permanently burned into the screens from people leaving their machines on all year, I installed quite a few switches and contactors, so that the last one out could axe all the computers on that floor. In those days, that was a valid concern. 3) When the power strip is turned off, then normally only the ground wire is still connected. That makes it perfectly safe. The white wire is grounded at the breaker panel, and only the black wire can bring in any surges or spikes. When that wire is disconncted at the power strip switch, nothing can get to the computer. Keep in mind that with modern computers the ON/OF switch is "soft". Shutting the computer down does not completely turn it off. If you open the side cover, you will see a tiny green dot of light on the motherboard. In their great wisdom, or lack thereof, shut off computers can now be started via the modem or the mouse, or even by data input from your toy weather station. Any surge or spike can kill the power supply instantly. If the machine is out of warranty, then you are out of luck. Your way of unplugging the computer or turning the power strip off during storms or before going on vacation is most definitely a good idea. Have FUN DearWebby    
 A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United." Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'? And John answered, "Mom." 
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 A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?" Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it." 
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 The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crystal That Repels Dust  First, wash crystal items and dry them immediately, making sure that the item is spotless. Using 1/2 of a dryer softener sheet, gently rub on the crystal. This will leave a dull residue on it. Use a soft cloth to buff the crystal to remove the residue. The crystal should gleam and repel dust.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  "Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."  
Desert wild flowers blooming in southern California
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this confession: The first prayer I ever learned was "God is great, God is good, let us thank him for this food". Unfortunately, I had also just learned the patty-cake poem. Picture it! A quiet Sunday dinner -- The family asks the youngest child to say grace. He is nervous -- but manages to pray: "God is great, God is good, roll him roll him, throw him in the pan". Oops! ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ A neighbor who is always borrowing tools approaches the house next door one Saturday morning. "He won't get away with it this time," the homeowner tells wife. "Watch this," he says, as he opens the door to greet the neighbor. "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power saw this morning?" the neighbor asks. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," the man says, with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day." "In that case," says the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?" ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, May 14 in 1264 King Henry III was captured by his brother in law Simon deMontfort at the Battle of Lewes in France. 1509 In the Battle of Agnadello, French defeated Venetians in Northern Italy. 1610 French King Henri IV (Henri de Navarre) was assassinated by a fanatical monk, Franois Ravillac. 1643 Louis XIV became King of France at age 4 upon the death of his father, Louis XIII. 1787 Delegates began gathering in Philadelphia for a convention to draw up the U.S. Constitution. 1796 The first smallpox vaccination was given by Edward Jenner. 1804 William Clark set off the famous expedition from Camp Dubois. A few days later, in St. Louis, Meriwether Lewis joined the group. The group was known as the "Corps of Discovery." 1811 Paraguay gained independence from Spain. 1853 Gail Borden applied for a patent for condensed milk. 1862 The chronograph was patented by Adolphe Nicole. 1878 The name Vaseline was registered by Robert A. Chesebrough. 1879 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Telephone Company of Europe. 1897 "The Stars and Stripes Forever" by John Phillip Sousa was performed for the first time. It was at a ceremony where a statue of George Washington was unveiled. 1897 Guglielmo Marconi made the first communication by wireless telegraph. 1913 The Rockefeller Foundation was created by John D. Rockefeller with a gift of $100,000,000. 1935 The Philippines ratified an independence agreement. 1940 The Netherlands surrendered to Nazi Germany. 1942 The Women's Auxiliary Army Corps (WAAC) was established by an act of the U.S. Congress. 1942 The British, while retreating from Burma, reached India. 1948 Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion proclaimed the independent State of Israel as British rule in Palestine came to an end. 1955 The Warsaw Pact, an Eastern European mutual-defense treaty, was signed in Poland by eight communist bloc countries including the Soviet Union. 1961 A bus carrying Freedom Riders was bombed and burned in Alabama. 1969 Jacqueline Susann's second novel, "The Love Machine," was published by Simon and Schuster. 1973 Skylab One was launched into orbit around Earth as the first U.S. manned space station. 1975 U.S. forces raided the Cambodian island of Koh Tang and recaptured the American merchant ship Mayaguez. All 40 crew members were released safely by Cambodia. About 40 U.S. servicemen were killed in the military operation. 1985 Ray Kroc's first McDonald's restaurant became the first fast- food business museum. It is located in Des Plaines, Illinois. 1988 In the Andean village of Cayara, Peru's military was involved in a massacre of at least 26 peasants. 1992 Former Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev addressed members of the U.S. Congress, appealing to them to pass a bill to aid the people of the former Soviet Union. 1996 A tornado hit 80 villages in nothern Bangladesh. More than 440 people were killed. 1999 North Korea returned the remains of six U.S. soldiers that had been killed during the Korean War. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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