Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, May 26 Thank you, Francis!! _____________________________________________________ Today, May 26 in 1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a second offense. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Man riding tractor accused of impaling Iowa sheriff's car with bale spear, charged with attempted murder  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. --- Gordon R. Dickson _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Jessica First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking exhausted. As he struggled with my door, I joked, "Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?" "Yeah," he muttered. "They're called keys." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Gerry Greenland, 54, Grand River, Iowa  Man riding tractor accused of impaling Iowa sheriff's car with bale spear, charged with attempted murder  
 A Decatur County man faces a charge of attempted murder after investigators said he speared the county sheriff's police cruiser with his tractor. The Iowa Division of Criminal Investigation said Friday that 54- year old Gerry Greenland drove into Decatur County Sheriff Ben Boswell's vehicle with a roughly 12,000-pound tractor outfitted with a bale spear. Advertisement Authorities said Boswell was not impaled, but his Ford Explorer traveled more than 100 feet. "The tines on that bale spear are over 3 feet long, so you can imagine the damage that could cause to a human if that made impact," Iowa DCI Special Agent Adam DeCamp said. DeCamp said the encounter started with a domestic dispute between Greenland and his family over property. Authorities said Greenland chased family members around with the tractor. "Once law enforcement did arrive, law enforcement was definitely the attention of Mr. Greenland," he said. "(Authorities were) able to direct his attention to them. I suppose in many cases that's what we want, like a matador in a bullfight." He said the situation could have ended with deputies opening fire. "As far as why Mr. Greenland was not shot, it was the discretion of the officers that were there, but it's very clear that this was a deadly force situation and the officers could have fired but in this case chose not to," DeCamp said. Investigators said that, as of last check, Greenland remains in jail. The bullet proof cruiser door does not appear to be quite penetrated, but it looks like the sheriff pushed the tractor backwards and caused it to gouge a furrow in the field.  DearWebby's tech Support Pits  From: Hank Re: Powerpoint viewer problem  Dear Webby; Thanks for your help with the everyday problems of PC use. For some reason, I can no longer view Powerpoint links sent to me by friends. I have downloaded the MS links that are available (Powerpoint viewing, etc). I have MS Word (2003) and MS Works. Now when slide presentations are sent me I get the first picture and then a box asking for me 13 (or however many) Product code #'s. What is my best solution? Thanks in advance for your help. hank  Dear Hank Just get Open Office from http://download.openoffice.org/ It has a PPT reader included. I haven't used the Microsoft PPT reader in many years. DearWebby  
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 While in the Army, my son Gabe attended POSH (Prevention of Sexual Harassment) classes. During one session, the sergeant said to his men, "Before you tell a joke, ask yourselves, What would my mother think?" Gabe replied, "Sergeant, there's a problem with that." "What is it?" "If I listened to what my mother had to say, I wouldn't have joined the Army in the first place." 
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 >From Jeff MY COMPANY, stationed at Fort Lee, Va., usually got up before reveille. Early one dark morning, the soldier responsible for playing the taped trumpet calls inadvertently put on the taps recording instead of reveille. Our sergeant major, who enjoyed pointing out other people's mistakes, turned sharply and faced the formation. "Why in ____ would anyone play taps at 0615?" he bellowed. We all looked around nervously until a voice in the back called out, "That's to let you know what kind of day you're going to have, sergeant major!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Crochet Ball Holder Install a toilet paper roll holder on the edge of your craft table to hold your crochet balls. It makes it easy to dispense yarn as your work on your project. If you want to use more than one color at the same time, you can install a more than one toilet paper holder. thriftyfun.Com  Try to find old tobacco tins at a garage sale or flea market, shoot or poke a hole into the lid and put a tent grommet into the hole. That is like a big rivet with a smooth, empty center for tent rope to go through. Then you put your ball of yarn or wool into the tin, and bring the loose center out through the grommet. You can toss the tin into your craft bag to take it along on a picnic or set it up on the porch or airplane. You are totally mobile and not restricted at all. To refill, just unscrew the lid, toss a fresh ball of yarn or wool in, feed the wool or yarn out through the grommet, and screw the lid back on. The grommets come in two halves, in lower and the upper half. To install the grommet, push the two halves together finger tight, and whack them with a hammer or the heel of a shoe. Have FUN! DearWebby   ____________________________________________________   
  
These coins have hidden booby traps and secret levers. 
 ___________________________________________________ I watched a man rush onto our plane at the last minute before takeoff. He spotted one of the few empty seats on board and silently sat down, just before I started the safety announcement. Later that night, though, he seemed bothered as the woman next to him fidgeted and got up frequently to use the bathroom. Still, the man never uttered a word. Feeling sorry for him, I quietly asked if he would like to move to another seat. "My wife's been annoying me for 26 years," he said with a chortle. "There's no sense in separating us now." ___________________________________________________ A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"" It goes click!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I do." ___________________________________________________  
 Today May 26 in 0017 Germanicus of Rome celebrated his victory over the Germans. 1328 William of Ockham was forced to flee from Avignon by Pope John XXII. 1521 Martin Luther was banned by the Edict of Worms because of his religious beliefs and writings. 1647 A new law banned Catholic priests from the colony of Massachusetts. The penalty was banishment or death for a second offense. 1660 King Charles II of England landed at Dover after being exiled for nine years. 1670 A treaty was signed in secret in Dover, England, between Charles II and Louis XIV ending the hostilities between them. 1691 Jacob Leiser, leader of the popular uprising in support of William and Mary's accession to the English throne, was executed for treason. 1736 The British and Chickasaw Indians defeated the French at the Battle of Ackia. 1791 The French Assembly forced King Louis XVI to hand over the crown and state assets. 1805 Napoleon Bonaparte was crowned King of Italy in Milan Cathedral. 1831 Russians defeated the Poles at battle of Ostrolenska. 1835 A resolution was passed in the U.S. Congress stating that Congress has no authority over state slavery laws. 1836 The U.S. House of Representatives adopted what has been called the Gag Rule. 1864 The Territory of Montana was organized. 1865 Arrangements were made in New Orleans for the surrender of Confederate forces west of the Mississippi. 1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson was acquitted, by one vote, of all charges in his impeachment trial. 1896 The Dow Jones Industrial Average appeared for the first time in the "Wall Street Journal." 1896 The last czar of Russia, Nicholas II, was crowned. 1908 In Persia, the first oil strike was made in the Middle East. 1926 In Morocco, rebel leader Abd el Krim surrendered. 1938 The House Committee on Un-American Activities began its work of searching for subversives in the United States. 1940 The evacuation of Allied troops from Dunkirk, France, began during World War II. 1946 A patent was filed in the United States for an H-bomb. 1946 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill signed a military pact with Russian leader Joseph Stalin. Stalin promised a "close collaboration after the war." 1956 The first trailer bank opened for business in Locust Grove, Long Island, NY. The 46-foot-long trailer took in $100,000 in deposits its first day. 1959 The word "Frisbee" became a registered trademark of Wham-O. 1961 A U.S. Air Force bomber flew across the Atlantic in a record time of just over three hours. 1969 The Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth after a successful eight-day dress rehearsal for the first manned moon landing. 1975 American stuntman Evel Knievel suffered severe spinal injuries in Britain when he crashed while attempting to jump 13 buses in his car. 1977 George H. Willig was arrested after he scaled the South Tower of New York's World Trade Center. It took him 3 1/2 hours. 1978 The first legal casino in the Eastern U.S. opened in Atlantic City, NJ. 1987 Sri Lanka launched Operation Liberation. It was an offensive against the Tamil rebellion in Jaffra. 1988 The Edmonton Oilers won their fourth NHL Stanley Cup in five seasons. They swept the series 4 games to 0 against the Boston Bruins. 1994 U.S. President Clinton renewed trade privileges for China, and announced that his administration would no longer link China's trade status with its human rights record. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Ellis Island was mainly in New Jersey, not New York. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police officers in high- speed chases are liable for bystander injuries only if their "actions shock the conscience." 1998 The Grand Princess cruise ship made its inaugural cruise. The ship measured 109,000 tons and cost approximately $450 million, making it the largest and most expensive cruise ship ever built. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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