Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, January 18 Did I scare you with my picture? Telus, my ISP had some problems today. The biggest, of course, was that the Taliban paid to do tech support from Pakistan or thereabouts, have no clucking fue, and have no real Internet access. They just sit in some laundromat and mumble and try to make clients believe, the problem is on the client's side. The Taliban don't even know what a trace route is! In case you don't either, even if you are not a Taliban, Click on START type cmd and hit ENTER You get the scary black DOS screen. Type tracert webby.com and hit ENTER (instead of webby.com you can type the name of your ISP, or google.com) After a second your computer will start doing a trace. It will list all the sub stations and internet jumps between you and your target. If you see *, that means a pothole on the route. Three stars means a sub station is in major trouble. If the trace works fine for a few jumps, then goes to stars, the problem is far away from you. Sometimes, though rarely, hitting the reset button on your modem will cause it to switch to a different DNS (Internet road map) and will then get through if you try the tracert again. Tracert is nothing new. No change with it since 1992. However, I have yet to meet a Taliban who understands that if your trace route goes 6 jump lines towards your destination, then craps out, the problem is NOT in your computer. They just don't get it. Must be something religious. Well, eventually, resetting my modem the trird time, I finally got through to the net again. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Iowa Man wearing GPS tracker on ankle arrested for gas station robbery Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 18 in 1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' --- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N." ____________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Fran for this story: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same hand- some young man I married." "Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seith William Keith, 30, Davenport, Iowa Man wearing GPS tracker on ankle arrested for gas station robbery A Davenport parolee was arrested Tuesday afternoon in connection with an armed robbery at a Mount Joy gas station Monday. Seith William Keith, 30, last known address in the 400 block of West 4th Street, was booked into the Scott County Jail at 4:05 p.m. on charges of first-degree robbery, a Class B punishable by up to 25 years in prison, and assault while displaying a dangerous weapon, an aggravated misdemeanor. He also is charged with two counts of failure to register as a sex offender-second or subsequent offense, a Class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison. He is expected to make an initial appearance on the charges Wednesday morning. According to arrest affidavits released Tuesday night by the Scott County Sheriff's Office: At 8:50 p.m. Monday, Keith walked into the Mt. Joy Amoco BP, displayed a knife and assaulted the clerk by pushing, hitting and cutting her arm. The injury to the clerk's arm required stitches. He then tried to open the register but was unable to and fled the store. Surveillance video showed Keith's face, which was positively identified by law enforcement. He is on parole and has a GPS ankle device that placed him at the gas station during the robbery. Keith was arrested at 1:34 p.m. during a traffic stop at East Locust and Iowa streets in Davenport. He admitted to law enforcement that he went to the store, displayed the knife and pushed the clerk to the ground and scuffled with her. Keith also admitted that he intended to take money and that he fled in the same vehicle he was arrested in. An officer who checked with Keith's parole officer reported that he had been terminated from his job in September and did not report that information within five business days, which he is required to do under the Iowa Sex Offender Registry. Keith admitted that he had not worked at his former workplace for a few months, but said he reported the information. He has prior convictions for registry violations in 2008, 2010, and 2012, according to the affidavits. In January 2013, he was sentenced to up to 10 years in prison on two counts of delivery of a controlled substance and a concurrent sentence of up to five years in prison on a third- degree burglary charge. The sentences were ordered to run concurrent to a sentence of up to five years in prison imposed in October 2012 after a judge ruled that he violated his probation for a sex offender registry violation charge, court records show. He was released from prison in April, according to Iowa Department of Corrections online records. His parole is slated to be discharged in December, according to the IDOC website. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allen Re: Precise picture positioning in WORD Dear Webby, How can I position a picture with word at the precise place where I want it, intead of where WORD wants to put it? Thanks Allen Dear Allen That's a secret, as far as Microsoft is concerned,but it can be done quite easily. Click on the picture to make it active. Then click on the little doggie icon for Text Wrap. Select TIGHT. The picture will probably scoot off to somewhere else, where it is not suppoded to be, often on the next page. Click on it a couple of times and then you can drag it to where it belongs. It will probably change it's width and hight in the process, but now you can squish it to the exact size you want, andyou can even rotate it. The TIGHT text wrap setting will make the text flow around it and match the contours. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to go and see you." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Sandie for this story: There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them on her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons though because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while. She agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit and said: "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will not hath a thermon tewday ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get the Most From Your Doctor's Visit Before visiting the doctor, make sure to write down any questions you have so that you don't forget to ask them. Doctors are usually in a hurry, so don't let them rush you and make sure all your questions are answered before he/she rushes off to the next customer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ The pastor of a church was taking his first trip away on a Sunday, and he asked another pastor to come in and preach the service for him. The substitute pastor agreed to come. He was quite young, just outof seminary, and this was his first time preaching. When he got up to speak on Sunday, he tried to explain to the congregation why he'd come, and give them some comfort about it. He pointed up to the stained glass windows to illustrate this. "You see where there's a missing pane, and there's a piece of cardboard over it? That's sort of what I'm doing. I'm just filling in the space until your pastor returns." He went on about this a little bit, then went into his sermon. The young substitute pastor gave a wonderful, inspired talk that Sunday. After the service, a lovely old woman came up to him, took his hand, and said, "Pastor, don't you ever let anyone say that you're like that piece of cardboard. Believe me, you are the real pane!" | | I wouldn't mind flying if I could fly in this plane! |
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 18, in 1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. 1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed the first German Emperor. 1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This date is the birthday of modern field hockey. 1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor. 1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles, France. 1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers Creepers." 1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in September of 1941. 1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World War II. 1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight by huge aerial tankers. 1958 Willie O'Ree made his NHL debut with the Boston Bruins. He was the first black player to enter the league. 1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York were unveiled to the public. 1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler," was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed robbery, assault and sex offenses. He was sentenced to life in prison. Desalvo was killed in 1973 by a fellow inmate. 1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning against Rhodesian independence. 1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 1990 A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former preschool operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin Buckey, of 52 child molestation charges. 1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a misdemeanor. 1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business due to financial problems. 1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all 50 U.S. states for the first time. 1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was created. 1995 A network of caves was discovered near the town of Vallon- Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a night attack in NW Rwanda. 2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was incorporated in Beijing. 2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and others, contended would make it challenging if not impossible for them to operate. 2018 Do smiled. |
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