Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, May 20 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriffs car on fire then called 911 twice to report it, on stolen cell phone.  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 20 in 1949 DearWebby was born See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ He's the kind of a guy who lights up a room just by flicking a switch. --- Socratex "A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance." --- Benjamin Franklin "Trying to understand is like straining through muddy water. Be still and allow the mud to settle." --- Michelangelo Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next." --- Franklin P. Jones ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this one: FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital. Agent: Hello. I'd like to order 19 large pizzas and 3 cases of soda. Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered? Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital. Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent. Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent? Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is. Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital? Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You'll have to go around to the back service entrance to deliver the pizzas. Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents? Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here? Pizza Man: Everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent? Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving. Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this? Agent: Weve collected a pool of cash. Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents? Agent: Yes. Pizza Man: With guns? Agent: That's right. Now, can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked. Pizza Man: No way. *Click* _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this joke: A Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Damn, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Damn, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing", the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Damn, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice, "Damn, missed again!." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Frederick Davis, 40, Daytona Beach, Floriduh  A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriffs car on fire then called 911 twice to report it, on stolen cell phone.  A Florida man allegedly set a new sheriffs car on fire then called 911 twice to report it, authorities said. Frederick Davis, 40, of Daytona Beach, was arrested Friday for an incident that happened in September of 2016, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood brought a patrol car in for service at an area gas station when Davis came along and allegedly set it on fire, the News-Journal reported. Davis then reportedly made two 911 calls on a stolen iPhone to report the crime, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal. Davis faces a slew of charges including arson, burglary, and fleeing or attempting to elude charge. He was taunting law enforcement, Chitwood told the newspaper. Now he got the welcome mat rolled out for him at the Seminole County jail.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Print from PowerPoint Dear Webby Is there a simple and quick way to print individual pages in a power point file? Bob S  Dear Bob Just right click and select PRINT. That will print that slide. Have FUN! DearWebby    Thanks to Kris for this story: Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping-- Love you!" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door." "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "OH THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone,you silly broad, I'm married! I guess she likes it when you call her a silly broad." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Hard Water Deposits from Faucets Litter Gitter [214 Posts, 681 Comments] I saw this tip in a video on the internet and had a chance to try it out on an old faucet that had years of calcium buildup on it. To remove calcium deposits on a faucet, wrap a cloth or small towel, that is soaked with white vinegar, around the faucet and let it sit for several hours. It will remove most of the calcium deposit. Afterwards, scrub with steel wool or a scrubbing pad to remove any that remains. In this case, I wrapped the vinegar soaked towel around the faucet and poured more vinegar on the towel and let it sit over night. I was surprised at the results when I removed the towel. I didn't have time to do any scrubbing with steel wool, but you can tell the difference just by looking at the photos that the white vinegar removed most of the calcium deposit.   

In case you're confused by all the investigations

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and occasionally, the programmer. Microsoft, it's not a bug! It's an undocumented feature. ___________________________________________________

Meet the Amazonian terminators, the most feared women in history.

Re: all that silly spam about making $$$$ fast... Are you REALLY interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1) Hold down the shift key. 2) Hit the 4 key four times really fast.

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Do you know the difference between an Irishman and a Scotsman? Hmmmm, not really. A scotsman can say no to another beer, if it is his turn to buy a round.

 Today, on May 20 0325 The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor. 1303 A peace treaty was signed between England and France over the town of Gascony. 1506 In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty. 1520 Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been sent to punish him in Mexico. 1690 England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers of James II. 1674 John Sobieski became Polands first King. 1774 Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to punish the American colonists for their increasingly anti-British behavior 1775 North Carolina became the first colony to declare its independence. This is the date that is on the George state flag even though the date of this event has been questioned. 1784 The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, England, and Holland. 1830 The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde. 1861 During the American Civil War, the capital of the Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA. 1873 Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 1899 Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles per hour. 1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended. 1902 Cuba gained its independence from Spain. 1927 Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours. 1930 The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible. 1932 Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat. 1939 The first telecast over telephone wires was sent from Madison Square Garden to the NBC-TV studios at 30 Rockefeller Center in Manhattan. The event was a bicycle race. 1939 The first regular air-passenger service across the Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper" from Port Washington, New York. The US stopped selling Helium to Germany and discouraged flying with Zeppelins. 1941 Germany invaded Crete by air. 1942 Japan completed the conquest of Burma. 1949 DearWebby was born 1961 A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals. 1969 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, which was referred to as Hamburger Hill. 1970 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies in Vietnam. 1978 Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 3,000 miles. 1980 The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. 1985 The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John Walker. Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968. 1990 The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs. 1996 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Colorado measure banning laws that would protect homosexuals from discrimination. 1999 At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year-old student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered to an assistant principal at the school. 2010 Scientists announced that they had created a functional synthetic genome. 2010 Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from the Muse d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 2017 Do smiled.

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