Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, Friday, January 10 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Today, Friday, Jan 10, I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. Yeah, when it rains, it pours! That means no newsletters on Saturday, Sunday or Monday. By Monday hopefully the Refurb will be here, and I can set it up, and work without having to reboot every 7 minutes. In my next life, I won't touch computers. I think I will work as a miner. That was my happiest time in life. Just blowing up rocks and crushing them. Very relaxing. Actually, I want to do that NOW! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 10 in 1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Best Buy's Geek Squad Chalks Up Another Pedo Collar __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _______________________________________________ This guy was walking along the beach when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared. This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes. "I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. "Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish." "Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile." "That's easy, Guy," says the genie. He waves his hand and best car anybody had ever seen pops out of the lamp. The genie then asks the guy for his third wish. The guy mulls the problem over and over. A girl-- nah, with billions and billions of dollars he certainly had become a chick magnet. World peace? Only wackos want that. The guy found a reason not to wish for anything that came to his mind. "Genie," the guy said, "I can't think of anything now. May I save the third wish for later." "Gee, this is most unusual. But you hold the hammer, I can't escape from this lamp until you make a third wish. Call me when you're ready," and whoosh the genie disappears into the lamp. The guy carefully picks up the now-ever-so- valuable lamp and places it in the trunk of the fire engine red Porsche. He turns the radio on to balance the sounds and makes all the other adjustments needed to get his great audio system customized to his ears. After that, he pulled off the beach and headed south along the Pacific Coast Highway. Soon he was up to 60, then 70, then 80. The Porsche handled perfectly. The guy was so happy that he began to sing along with the familiar commercial on the radio. "Oh, I wish I was an Oscar-Mayer Wiener..." ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Crawford, 69, Tampa Bay, Floriduh Best Buy's Geek Squad Chalks Up Another Pedo Collar A Florida middle school teacher is facing child porn charges after illicit images were found on a laptop that he dropped off for repair at a Best Buy near his Florida residence. William Crawford, 69, was arrested yesterday on ten counts of possession of child pornography. He subsequently resigned from his job at John Long Middle School, where he taught science. According to a criminal complaint, Crawford last year brought his Toshiba Satellite into a Tampa Bay-area Best Buy for repair. While working on the computer, a Geek Squad technician �observed images consistent with child pornography,� prompting store officials to alert cops. A police search of the computer revealed �numerous files that were in fact child pornography.� After being read his rights, Crawford reportedly �admitted to having illegal images on his computer.� Seen above, Crawford is scheduled to make an initial court appearance this morning. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Elvira Re: How do I switch from Windos to Linux? Dear DearWebby I am going to switch the entire office to Linux. We had to get all new machines and they are all W10. W10 is ridiculous and everything takes a lot longer to get done. How do we go about the switch to Linux? Elvira Dear Elvira You can get "Linux on a stick", that you plug into a USB port. It works OK, especially if you use Open Office or Office Libre. It is considerably faster than Windows. Find a local penguin (Linux user), who is willing to do some consulting and question answering while you switch over. Ideally, of course, would be an existing employee, preferably the one, who recommended Linux. Linux is not more difficult, just different. It is like changing from small gasoline engines to big Diesel engines. That is why almost 100% of servers run on Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. I once had a secretary, who claimed that she liked living like she typed: Fast and with lots ofg mistakes. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next door to St. Joseph's Church. After January 31, Cleanliness will be next to Godliness.' ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Flashlights that Don't Require Batteries Keep a flashlight in your house that doesn't require batteries. You can buy flashlights that can be charged by winding them up or shaking them. If you run out of batteries, you won't be left in the dark if there is a power outage. Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ | | 2019 Sony World Photography Awards |
___________________________________________________ >From Louise No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the seat with much elan and style, and accidentally kicked her right in the chin. ___________________________________________________ >From Jean Jose and Carlos are panhandlers... They panhandle on different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend. Carlos says to Jose "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?". Jose says,... "Look at your sign, what does it say"? Carlos sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'." Jose says "No wonder you only get 2-3 dollars". Carlos says... "So what does your sign say"? Jose shows Carlos his sign...it reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico". ___________________________________________________ >From Bill After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 10 in 1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. 1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to Farringdon Street. 1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near Beaumont, TX. 1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin. 1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami, FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President to visit a foreign country during wartime. 1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory. 1984 The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century. 1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's largest entertainment company. 1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 1776 - "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 1840 - The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. 1861 - Florida seceded from the United States. 1863 - Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to Farringdon Street. 1870 - John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 1901 - Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near Beaumont, TX. 1911 - Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 1920 - The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 1920 - The League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva. 1927 - Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin. 1928 - The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 1943 - U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami, FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President to visit a foreign country during wartime. 1943 - The quiz show, "The Better Half," was heard for the first time on Mutual Radio. 1946 - The first meeting of the United Nations General Assembly took place with 51 nations represented. 1950 - Ben Hogan appeared for the first time in a golf tournament since an auto accident a year earlier. He tied �Slammin� Sammy Snead in the Los Angeles Open, however, Hogan lost in a playoff. 1951 - Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 1957 - Harold Macmillan became prime minister of Britain, following the resignation Anthony Eden. 1963 - The Chicago Cubs became the first baseball club to hire an athletic director. He was Robert Whitlow. (MLB) 1971 - "Masterpiece Theatre" premiered on PBS with host Alistair Cooke. The introduction drama series was "The First Churchills." 1978 - The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory. 1981 - In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final offensive". 1984 - The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century. 1986 - The uncut version of Jerome Kern�s musical, "Showboat", opened at the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. 1990 - Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 1990 - Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's largest entertainment company. 1994 - In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 1997 - Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 2000 - It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 1776 - "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 1840 - The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain. 1861 - Florida seceded from the United States. 1863 - Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to Farringdon Street. 1870 - John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 1901 - Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near Beaumont, TX. 1911 - Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 1920 - The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 1920 - The League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva. 1927 - Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin. 1928 - The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 1943 - U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami, FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President to visit a foreign country during wartime. 1943 - The quiz show, "The Better Half," was heard for the first time on Mutual Radio. 1946 - The first meeting of the United Nations General Assembly took place with 51 nations represented. 1950 - Ben Hogan appeared for the first time in a golf tournament since an auto accident a year earlier. He tied �Slammin� Sammy Snead in the Los Angeles Open, however, Hogan lost in a playoff. 1951 - Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 1957 - Harold Macmillan became prime minister of Britain, following the resignation Anthony Eden. 1963 - The Chicago Cubs became the first baseball club to hire an athletic director. He was Robert Whitlow. (MLB) 1971 - "Masterpiece Theatre" premiered on PBS with host Alistair Cooke. The introduction drama series was "The First Churchills." 1978 - The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory. 1981 - In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final offensive". 1984 - The United States and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century. 1986 - The uncut version of Jerome Kern�s musical, "Showboat", opened at the Kennedy Center in Washington, DC. 1990 - Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 1990 - Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's largest entertainment company. 1994 - In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 1997 - Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 2000 - It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 2001 - American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 2002 - In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. 2003 - North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to develop nuclear weapons. 2001 - American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 2002 - In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. 2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to develop nuclear weapons. They changed their mind a few times since then 2019 Do smiled. |
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