Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, August 9 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Airline passenger helps nab child molesters after seeing texts on their phone Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 9 in 1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.' --- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a recent flight I sat next to a lady who was on her way to meet a guy she had met over the net. She sat there during most of the flight messing with her make-up. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush and stuff that I have no clue what it is called. Then she turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" Well, the truth was that soap and water would have made her look a lot better than all that make-up. So I told her: "If your friend starts looking closely at your war paint, take that as a sign that you have your blouse buttoned up too high." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! Hot Digity Damn! That will fix the church roof!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Kellar, 56, Gail Burnworth, 50, Tacoma, Washington Airline passenger helps nab child molesters after seeing texts on their phone An eagle-eyed airline passenger is being credited with putting two suspected child molesters behind bars. Police say a man was texting about sexually molesting young children aboard a Southwest Airlines flight from Seattle, Washington, to San Jose, California, on Monday, when a woman seated behind him observed his illicit messages and reported it to the crew. The man, identified as 56-year-old Michael Keller, was using a large smartphone with an enlarged font. It allowed the woman to take photos of the text, Seattle police said in a release. The content of the text messages was very disturbing to the witness as it involved comments about the sexual exploitation of children, police said. The passenger's photo revealed that Burnworth told Kellar that she would have the children to herself on Sunday and that she would drug them with Benadryl, then record herself molesting them while they slept, the complaint stated. She also agreed to film Kellar raping the victims while they slept, the complaint stated. The woman, who Mercury News reported is a Seattle-based preschool teacher, alerted the plane's crew, which then contacted police working inside Mineta San Jose International Airport. Officers detained Keller. The suspected recipient of his messages, identified by police as Gail Burnworth, 50, was then tracked down to her home in Tacoma, Washington, where she was arrested. Two children located at her residence, ages 5 and 7, are believed to have been victimized, police said. Keller was booked on two counts of felony attempted child molestation and two counts of solicitation of sex crime, which is also a felony, according to a release by San Jose police. Burnworth was booked for sexual exploitation of a minor, a felony, first-degree rape of a child, also a felony, and dealing in depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit condition, also a felony. The woman who reported the text message to the flight crew is meanwhile being hailed a hero. Since it was not police, but a random passenger, who spotted the evidence, the evidence should stand up in court. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Resizing picture on a page Dear Webby, i just wanted to say think you again for all your tips. I kno Dianne died but I was looking thru my old Humor Letters and came across one of her links to: Hymalaian People pix that is an aussome site. is there a way to reset the size to the pictures? i have to use 800+600 and i don't know how to change it. Kitty Dear Kitty The pictures on that site are indeed awesome, but they don't auto-resize. Just click through to get the big picture, then save that picture, and then re-size it with PSP, or whatever your favorite graphics program is, to whatever size fits your screen or printer. Have FUN! DearWebby During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "oh, no!" she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Cat Repellent By Rob [1 Post, 52 Comments] My friend had a big problem with cats peeing and pooing in his garden. His solution? He got a spray bottle and mixed water, Tabasco sauce, and pee. Yes, he used his own pee, not a lot. The mix was mostly water, so people could not smell it, even in hot summer. He hardly saw a cat, or cat mess in his garden after that. ____________________________________________________ | | Crazy lady flips out at Barnes & Noble (Do you "get"it?) |
____________________________________________________ My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long. "There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!" ___________________________________________________ | | Extraordinary artistic carving |
___________________________________________________ There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck. Everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" She said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom Scale. Nobody has seen or heard from him since. ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 9, in 1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three- year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag around the world. 1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton Treaty, which solved a border dispute. 1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph. 1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing machine. 1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created by Max Fleischer. 1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in one Olympics. 1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not released until 1944. 1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council created "Smokey the Bear." 1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of Nagasaki, Japan. 1956 The first statewide, state-supported educational television network went on the air in Alabama. 1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the Malaysian Federation. 1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the U.S. 1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings. 1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for the second time. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time in 17 months. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic stem cells. 2004 Trump Hotel and Casino Resorts announced plans to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. 2017 Do smiled. |
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