Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, October 21 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  To make us less citical of the days getting shorter, the leaves have all turned beauiful colors. ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, October 20, in 1918, Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. ____________________________________________________  Woman arrested after not scanning all items at Michigan Walmart self-checkout  ____________________________________________________ We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. --- Jeff Marder There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? --- Kelvin Throop III ___________________________________________________ The formula for a happy marriage is the same as how to live in California; if you find a fault don't dwell on it. ___________________________________________________ The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." >From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Great! Hey guys, let's sell the silly old tub!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  TeddyJo Marie Fliam, 34, Allegan County, Michigan, USA  Woman arrested after not scanning all items at Michigan Walmart self-checkout  A Michigan woman accused of stealing from Walmart by not scanning all items at self-checkout is facing charges. Police say TeddyJo Marie Fliam, 34, was caught skipping items as she rang up her purchases at the store on M-32 in Alpena County in July. When confronted by a loss prevention worker, she allegedly became agitated, denied it, and left. Read Next: Man charged with swapping barcodes to steal from Walmart self-checkout That employee reviewed surveillance video and found that Fliam had stolen more than $1,000 worth of merchandise since April by not scanning it. Fliam was arrested at her Alpena home Sept. 29 and charged with first-degree retail fraud. Over $1000 and many incidents suggesting a habit, will result in jail time, especially since Walmart wants a serious crack-down on scanning frauds. Personally, I don't ever use the self-check-outs and steal some poor woman's job. If there are no checkers, then I really overfill my cart, and park it near the customer service counterm and walk out. It will take them a lot more time to put all that stuff back. _____________________________________________________ >From Linda   Protest march ___________________________________________________ Church Bulletin Board Bloopers: Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. *If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. *Feb 25: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. *Women's Luncheon: Potluck Lunch. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working... *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________   _________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! __________________________________________________ "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. "Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties." ____________________________________________________ Do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer. ____________________________________________________ Do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola apparently burns longer. ___________________________________________________ ARE YOU IN CONTROL? Prove for yourself, whether you are in control of your right foot. It's worth a try... This is too funny! It works!! While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction..... anticlockwise... __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From:Rita Re: RAM vs monitor Dear Webby I am going to buy myself a brand new computer. I can't quite get my dream system and have to cut corners either on RAM or on monitor size. Thanks Rita  Dear Rita Skimp on the RAM and get the best monitor you can. RAM shortage only leads to temporary annoyances, but a too small or too coarse monitor will lead to vision problems that are permanent. You can always get more RAM later, but you can't get better eyes. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Minnie and Max had been married for 18 years. As Minnie grew older and less attractive, Max became disinterested and his libido started to wane dramatically. In desperation, Minnie hauled him before a marriage counselor. The marriage counselor listened patiently to Minnie's complaints and to Max's protestations. Max said he was being nagged unmercifully Minnie said that Max was causing her anguish. Finally the marriage counselor issued a verdict. "Max," he said, "from now on, no matter how you feel, you must give Minnie her conjugal rights at least semi-annually." Minnie was delighted and they left the counselor's chambers. On the way downstairs she nudged Max, "Tell me Max, how many times a week is semi-annually? _____________________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, october 21, in 1797, "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution, was launched in Boston's harbor. 1805, The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain. The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 1849, The first tattooed man, James F. O'onnell, was put on exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 1858, The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 1879, Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp. It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 1917, The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War I near Nancy, France. 1918, Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter. 1925, The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the Electric Show in New York City, NY. 1925, The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined 29,620 people for prohibition of alcohol) violations. 1927, In New York City, construction began on the George Washington Bridge. 1944, During World War II, the German city of Aachen was captured by U.S. troops. 1945, Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time. 1950, Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 1959, The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New York. The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 1967, Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in opposition to the Vietnam War. 1983, The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there. 1986, The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American diplomats. 1991, Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 1993, The play "The Twilight of the Gods" opened. 1994, North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections. 2003, The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial birth abortions. 2003, North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program. 2022 Do smiled.

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