Good Morning, Do!  Today is Saturday, August 19, 2023  ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Serial child abuser jailed for life for raping girl 20 years ago ___________________________________________________ Q Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. --- Quentin Crisp You couldn't prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. Ed Meese (1931 - ) The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: 1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin, to surrender the assassin. England used that as an excuse to start World War I. 1998, The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. ___________________________________________________ Bob is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Bob what the problem is. "Well," said Bob, "I ran afoul of one of those women's questions my wife asks. Now I'm in deep trouble." "What kind of question?, asked Tom. "My wife asked me in her longwinded and complicated and confusing way, if I would still love her if she was old and fat." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah", said Bob, "That's what I did, except I was confused by the longwinded question and mixed up the tenses and said 'Of course I do.'" ___________________________________________________   Eagle - Rabbit - Fox fight in mid-air __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said,"Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store. He begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was really pleased about that and grinning from ear to ear and walked into a Chinese restaurant nearby to celebrate. In there she collided with a waiter. The waiter bowed and said, "A thousand pahdons foh my crumsy behaviol." OOOPS! ____________________________________________________ In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. ______________________________________________ My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ Good Morning, Helmut-End-Of-List! Today is Saturday, July 24 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ 32-year-old woman charged for killing 73-year-old man in Coarsegold ___________________________________________________ Today, July 24 in 1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japans highest peak. ____________________________________________________ You couldn't prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. Ed Meese (1931 - ) The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) ____________________________________________________ Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when Ishe got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane to somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Neil Re: Placeholder Dear Webby How to Create a Bookmark That Jumps to Specific Text on a Website https://lifehacker.com/how-to-create-a-bookmark-that-jumps- to- specific-text-on-1844113624 Yes the instructions are a little screwy but it only took me a few minutes to work it out and it does work in chrome and edge. Will not work in firefox of course. For PDF I would go to https://www.ilovepdf.com/ and convert the file to word and use the xxx placeholder. I lovepdf.com is free and works well beautifully. Neil  Dear Neil Thank you for that link! Hopefully Dani can use that. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 185." Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?" ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock  John Lyon, 50, in jail for life England  Serial child abuser jailed for life for raping girl 20 years ago  A serial child abuser has been jailed for life for repeatedly raping an 11-year-old girl 20 years ago. John Lyon has been described by police as a dangerous sexual predator who will always pose a significant risk to children. The 50-year-old was already serving jail time for sexual offences against children, when a further victim came forward to reports a string of incidents to police last January. The woman was just 11 years old at the time Lyon began abusing her in 2001. Detectives began investigating the historic offences from some 20 years ago, collating witness statements and gathering evidence against Lyon, while the woman was supported by specially trained officers. Lyon pleaded guilty to four counts of rape and seven counts of indecent assault at Wood Green Crown Court on June 9. At the same court on Friday, he was sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum term of 15 years. He had already been jailed for 12 years in 2013, and another 11 years in 2021 for sexual offences against other children. Detective Constable Andri Andreou, who led the most recent investigation, said: There is no doubt John Lyon is a dangerous sexual predator who will always pose a significant risk to children. The safest option for all is that he spends years of his life in prison. The trauma he has caused this victim is so significant that some 20 years on she is still dealing with the aftermath of his actions and the damage he has caused.I do not propose Lyons sentencing will take away that trauma, but I hope it goes someway to helping her, knowing she was listened to, believed and that she has had some justice. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today August 19, in 1812, "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 1848, The discovery of gold in California was reported by the New York Herald. 1856, Gail Borden received a patent for his process of condensing milk by vacuum. 1909, The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 1917, Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 1919, Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 1934, Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in Germany as Fuehrer. 1940, The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded honorary license #1 to Orville Wright. 1942, About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a raid against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered about 50 percent casualties. 1960, Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was convicted of espionage in Moscow. 1960, Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit by the Soviet Union. 1962, Homero Blancas shot a 55 at the Premier Invitational Golf Tournament held in Longview, TX. It was the lowest score in U.S. competitive golf history. 1974, During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a bullet while in the American embassy. 1981, Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 1991, Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned to power two days later. 1998, The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1999, In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan Milosevic. 2004, Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded. 2010, In Iraq, the last American combat brigage exited more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 2016, A federal judge ordered Hillary Clinton to answer questions from the watchdog group Judicial Watch in writing about her use of a private email server while she was secretary of state. 2020, Apple Inc. became the first company to be valued at over $2 trillion. 2023, Do smiled. 

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