Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 25 Have FUN! Dearwebby San Francisco: To improve their crappy image, San Francisco Public Works has a $72.5 million-a-year street cleaning budget including spending $12 million a year on what essentially have become housekeeping services for homeless encampments. The costs include $2.8 million for a Hot Spots crew to wash down the camps and remove any biohazards, $2.3 million for street steam cleaners, $3.1 million for the Pit Stop portable toilets, plus the new $830,977-a-year Poop Patrol to actively hunt down and clean up human waste. By the way, the poop patrolers earn $71,760 a year, which swells to $184,678 with mandated benefits. Why does San Francisco have such a crappy image? As a Sanctuary City they attract a lot of illegals who believe because they are illegal, they can't be put in jail or deported. They don't really want to work, otherwise they would move to a rural town, where there is zero unemployment. And why should they? Life is good. Camp on a sidewalk or under an overpass, free food at any Salvation Army soup kitchen, dope is cheap and hookers accept dope as payment. For sport and to protest that there is no WiFi on your favorite sidewalk, you crap onto a sidewalk or parking lot, where they do have WiFi. Except for the $184,678 / year poop patrollers, nobody expects to see any change. I wonder if I have to be an Illegal and registered Democrat to be able to get that job? >From Kate I love the way you deal with tele@#$%S, especially your "Yellow", when they are fishing for your name! You sure got their number! I have been using your suggestion from a few years ago to instantly hang up if it is a robo-call waiting for me to hit a number. Saves a lot of time! Thanks! Kate Today's Bonehead Award: St. Augustine man returns home to find clothes ablaze; girlfriend arrested  ______________________________________________________ Today, August 25 in 1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. --- John Ciardi (1916 - 1986) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From James Gee, I always wondered about this... --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors can't see youit's rural. --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops on youit's suburban. --- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore youit's urban. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked. The young man thought for a moment, and said, "No, just engrave the words - To My One And Only Love - Forever! That way, if we break up, I can use it again." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be . . . until the looting started. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Sharon McGrath, 36, St Augustine Beach, Florida  St. Augustine man returns home to find clothes ablaze; girlfriend got arrested  A St. Johns County man called police after his girlfriend would not let him back into the house Wednesday, according to a St. Augustine Beach Police report. Officers arrested Sharon McGrath, 36, for criminal mischief. She is suspected of torching her boyfriend's clothes by stuffing them into a barrel and lighting them on fire, police said. The officer stated in the report that McGrath repeatedly said she would do "anything" if the officer would stop the patrol car in an effort to avoid going to jail. Aside from attempted bribe, that is the equivalent of admitting guilt. The report said that officers responded to the call off 11th Street just before 6:30 a.m. Wednesday. Police said in the report they could see smoke from behind the house as they arrived. The man told the officers that the shelf where all his clothes were supposed to be was empty. An officer asked to go to the backyard to see what was causing all the smoke, and that's when the barrel with the burned clothes was discovered, the report said. The man said the value of his missing clothes was around $2,000. 
  From Paddy Re: Rechargeable Batteries  Dear Webby, Is it safe to use rechargeable batteries in a wireless mouse? Paddy   Dear Paddy Yes, perfectly safe. When the voltage falls below safe levels, Windows will tell you it's time to change the batteries. I have used rechargeable batteries in my mouse for a long time and never had a problem with it. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Mrs. Spiegelbaum was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Spiegel, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." 
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 Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drying Wet Shoes Don't put wet shoes near a heat source, this can shrink your shoes. You want to dry shoes at room temperature. Fill the shoes with newspaper or cloth to absorb the moisture in the inside. Change the newspaper or cloth and replace with dry every few hours until dry.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary. 
 ___________________________________________________ Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to her best friend Judy: "They're driving me nuts! They give me no rest! I'm half way to the funny farm!" "What you need," said Judy, "is a playpen." So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, Judy called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with my laptop, a coffee and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 It was very crowded at the supermarket, and this customer had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the ontents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerkblurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 25 in 1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British forces. 1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine. 1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to Calais, France making him the first person to swim the English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours. 1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska arrived in Nome. 1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany. 1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United States. 1940 Arno Rudolphi and Ann Hayward were married while suspended in parachutes at the Worlds Fair in New York City. 1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of German residents. 1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the Soviet Union and England controlled Iran. 1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the bill appropriating funds for construction of the Pentagon. 1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending four years of German occupation. 1944 Romania declared war on Germany. 1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. railroads to avert a strike. 1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan) was introduced. 1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45 years. 1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion grain pact. 1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that ran the Iranian government. 1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their eight years of war. 1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq after their invasion of Kuwait. 1991 Byelorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union. 1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the United States. He said the spying case against him in China was "all lies." 1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion settlement with the state of Florida. 1998 A survey released said that 1/3 of Americans use the Internet. 2018 Do smiled. 
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