Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, November 5 Full moon on the fresh, bright, powder snow makes it almost daylight bright outside. Stars are bright too and you can definitely see the Mily Way. Faint Northern Lights in the North-East. But it is not comfortable outside. Gullible Warming is definitekly over. There is a definite hint of "Ice Age is coming!" mania in the air. The deer came by checking for bread heels and leftovers, but did not come up onto the porch. They will when it gets windy. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Chicago hot dog stand robber shoots his wiener, ahem penis. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 5 in 1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later. Cars had been around before, but not patented in the USA. Benz Motorcar from 1885 is considered the first practical motorcar. He received a patent for the Motorcar on 29 January 1886, 9 years prior to the Seldon patent. His wife, Mercedes, drove the Benz Motorcar and her kids 60 miles to her parents place 10 years before the Seldon patent. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592) Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. --- Stephen Vizinczey ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?" The young man answered, "Yes, I did." To this the tailor said, "Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bank robbers had tied and gagged the bank cashier after learning the combination to the safe and had herded the other employees into a separate room under guard. After they rifled the safe and were about to leave, the cashier made desperate pleading noises through the gag. Moved by curiosity, one of the burglars loosed the gag. "Please," whispered the cashier, "take the books, too. I'm $7,500 short." ______________________________________________________ Michigan _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Terrion Pouncy, 19, Chicago, Illinois Chicago hot dog stand robber shoots his wiener, ahem penis A Chicago man is recovering in the hospital after he accidentally shot himself in the penis while holding up a hot dog stand. Terrion Pouncy, 19, held two employees of Maxwell Street Express at gunpoint in Chicago's South Side neighborhood Tuesday morning. Pouncy had pulled a gun and demanded cash from two employees at the hot dog stand, according to Assistant Cook County State's Attorney Erin Antonietti. Two men, ages 39 and 45, were working at the restaurant during the time of the robbery. Pouncy held the gun to the head of the 39-year-old, the Chicago Sun-Times reports. He had been holding a bucket filled with grease and asked the other employee to get cash from the register. As they handed the cash and their wallets over, the bucket of grease spilled and the money went flying. Pouncy grabbed the money and tucked the gun in his waistband and began to flee. As he ran, the gun accidentally went off and shot him in the penis. He ran a few blocks away and then called 911 to say he had been shot. Police arrested him at the hospital. Police recovered the wallets he had stolen in addition to the .38 caliber gun that had caused the injury. He has been charged with two counts of armed robbery. The robbery was captured on surveillance footage. Pouncy's boxers recovered at the hospital matched the underwear he exposed in the surveillance video. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Registry Defender Dear Webby, I recently received the information below. Can you tell me anything about this download? Thank you in advance for your advice. Bonnie ----------- Registry Defender is a FREE and easy to use program that can scan for and correct problems in your computer s registry. Correcting such problems can provide benefits such as:..... ---------- Dear Bonnie All I can tell you is that my computer runs just fine without that. It runs fast and realiable, and I reboot it about once a month, if I remember. I always have these programs running simultaneously: Malwarebytes PRO MailWasher Post-It-Notes networked to the laptop, so that I can send post-it notes back and forth Skype Eudora DreamWeaver Quattro / Excel 3 - 4 Putty server connections FileZilla PaintShopPro As-You-Type global spell checker None of those programs clash. They just work. The more you avoid all those flakey speeder uppers and wanna-be do-gooders, the more reliable and faster your machine will run. Have FUN! DearWebby An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
REDNECK 911 A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "Bubba is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure wether he's really dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what do we do next ?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda in Your Clothes Hamper Pour a little baking soda into the bottom of your hamper to help keep your dirty clothes smelling fresh. You can even keep a shaker with baking soda in it near your hamper to shake on top of your clothes when needed. A used and cleaned out parmesan cheese container makes a great shaker for baking soda. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.comDo yourself a favor and use a 49 cent salt shaker! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ More on fainting: The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with a SNOW SHOVEL !!!" __________________________________________________ | | Rare old photos of Indigenous Sami people. |
The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transport. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, 'Guns don't kill people. I do.' Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your biggest truck. Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully and speak Spanglish. Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave 'hello' if he/she is cute. Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color. Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy medication. Q: What do you do when you see a police car with lights flashing on the side of the road behind some other car? A: Speed up to 180 mph. He is busy and will never catch you. Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons. Q: Can you drive if your license is suspended? A: 51% of Californians drive without a license or insurance. Just speak Spanglish. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Martin for this story: A Kentucky couple, both bonafied rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision -- why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in Kentucky was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish ____________________________________________________ | Today, November 5, in 1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed when he was captured before he could blow up the English Parliament. Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th in Britain to celebrate his failure to blow up all the members of Parliament and King James I. 1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote in the presidential election. She never paid the fine. 1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later. Cars had been around before, but not patented in the USA. Benz Motorcar from 1885 is considered the first practical motorcar. He received a patent for the Motorcar on 29 January 1886, 9 years prior to the Seldon patent. 1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers Company. 1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented third term in office. 1944 Lord Moyne, a British official, was assassinated by the Zionist Stern gang in Cairo, Egypt. 1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives at the age of 29. 1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re- opened. It had been bombed during WWII. 1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later. 1959 The American Football League was formed. 1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. Apparently Hagar's ancestors colonized Newfoundland. 1967 In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the world's tallest free-standing structure for nine years. 1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the NFL had exceeded antitrust limits in attempting to stop the Oakland Raiders from moving to Los Angeles. 1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of weapons to Iran. 1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving 24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced to life for treason against the white minority government of South Africa. 1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings. 1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin, Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and was sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World Trade Center bombing. 1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in Detroit during a struggle with police. Two officers were later convicted in his death and sentenced to prison. 1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's disease. 1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1998 In the U.S., Chairman Henry Hyde of the Judiciary Committee asked President Clinton to answer 81 questions for the House impeachment inquiry. 1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by delegates from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany. 1999 Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both arrested and charged with battery and domestic violence in a hotel in Miami Beach, FL. 1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft Corp. enjoyed "monopoly power". 2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint venture specializing in airline services. 2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people and wounded 30 others. 2017 Do smiled. |
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