Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, December 14 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Suspect arrested in rape of 18-year-old woman delivering pizza ____________________________________________________ Today, December 14, in 1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went into service. ____________________________________________________ Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad. --- Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894) The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner ____________________________________________________ An 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few years later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. He stopped to talk to him: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, "Get a hot mama and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said 'you've got a heart murmur.Be careful'." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Osvaldo Figueroa, Osceola County, Florida, USA Suspect arrested in rape of 18-year-old woman delivering pizza Osceola County deputies arrested a rape suspect, accused of attacking a female pizza delivery driver. Deputies said Osvaldo Figueroa attacked an 18-year-old in an elevator and sexually battered her on Sunday. In a news conference Tuesday night, Osceola County Sheriff Marco Lopez said Figueroa has more than 70 arrests and multiple convictions and should have been in prison. Sheriff Lopez said investigators have surveillance video of the crime, but it has not yet been released. He called Figueroa an animal and says the justice system failed the victim. "This guy should've been in prison, today," the sheriff said. "Not sure what's wrong with the system but it needs to change." Officials said the female victim is doing OK and was notified about the arrest. Figueroa was arrested in Lake County with the assistance of U.S. Marshals. He's expected to appear in court on Wednesday. Sheriff Lopez said investigators have surveillance video of the crime, but it has not yet been released. He called Figueroa an animal and says the justice system failed the victim. "This guy should've been in prison, today," the sheriff said. "Not sure what's wrong with the system but it needs to change." Officials said the female victim is doing OK and was notified about the arrest. Figueroa was arrested in Lake County with the assistance of U.S. Marshals. He's expected to appear in court on Wednesday. Sheriff Lopez said investigators have surveillance video of the crime, but it has not yet been released. He called Figueroa an animal and says the justice system failed the victim. "This guy should've been in prison, today," the sheriff said. "Not sure what's wrong with the system but it needs to change." Officials said the female victim is doing OK and was notified about the arrest. Figueroa was arrested in Lake County with the assistance of U.S. Marshals. He's expected to appear in court on Wednesday. The two deputies hauling Figueroa down to the wood shed don't look like they will let him get away! ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Vince Re: Remote control for lights Dear Webby My House Christmas lights are plugged in way up under the eaves. When Electricity was still cheap, I just lit them up in November and climbed up with a ladder and unplugged them in mid January. Well, Electricity is not cheap anymore, and there is no way I am going to climb up that ladder every day. What do you recommend? Vince Dear Vince The Deluxe mathod would be a programmable X-10 controller by your desk and wirelessly controlled outlets under the eaves. They still need to be wired to AC, but the control of the outlets is wirelessly. With that X10 you can program when it turns on the lights and when it turns them off, for example at 10 PM. X10 also has cheaper key fob outlet controls. I use one for about 30 years now. The big challenge is to find the silly key fob every December. A cheap clone is the BN-LINK Mini Wireless Remote Control Outlet Switch. 3 Power Plug Ins for Household Appliances, Wireless Remote Light Switch, etc Here is the link to that: BN-LinkBN-Link Have FUN! DearWebby While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and politely asks: "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said 'you look fat in those pants'." ______________________________________________ A young couple lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. Visiting the pet store, the young wife asked for a good guard dog. "Sorry, we're all sold out," the clerk replied. "All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he does know karate!" The woman didn't believe the clerk, so he told the dog to karate a chair. The dog broke the chair into pieces. Then he told the dog to karate a table, and the dog quickly broke the table in half. So the woman bought the dog and took it home. Her husband was disappointed and skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog. The wife told him about the dog's excellent karate skills. "Karate, my butt!" the husband yelled. Apparently, to this very day, he is still in the hospital. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
This bluehaired lady in a nursing home stands up and raises her fist in the Rec Center one day and says, "Whoever can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight". A little old man in the back of the room yells, "an elephant". She yells back, "Close enough, you win!!!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 14, in 1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was born at St. Remy, Provence, France. 1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and bolt machine. 1799 The first president of the United States, George Washington, died at the age 67. 1896 Gen. James H. Doolittle, who led the first air raid on Japan during World War II, was born. 1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his revolutionary Quantum Theory. 1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott. 1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a General Election. 1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10 others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps. 1946 The U.N. General Assembly voted to establish the United Nation's headquarters in New York City. 1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president. 1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and surface temperature. 1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police after holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near the Dutch town of Beilen. 1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in war in 1967. 1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions in Lebanon for the first time after American F-14 reconnaissance flights were fired on. 1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major American Indian tribe as she formally took office as principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma. 1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-stop, non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took nine days to complete. 1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable went into service. 1990 After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo returned to South Africa. 1993 The United Mine Workers approved a five-year contract that ended a strike that had reached seven states and involved some of the nation's biggest coal operators. 1995 The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia, Croatia signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia. 1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone- marrow transplant from a baboon. 1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan." 1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's upcoming visit to Cuba. 1998 Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the destruction of Israel. 1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2 billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts" comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was published on February 13, 2000. 2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after his conviction on espionage charges. 2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 troops to join an international peacekeeping force in Afghanistan. 2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent to replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on November 4. 2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third robotic rover to land on the moon. 2021 Do smiled. |
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