Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 1 Thank you Don! Thank you James!! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Unlicensed Florida teen leads police on chase, crashes after hitting a pothole Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 1 in 1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young. --- Willa Cather (1873 - 1947) The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Lighthouse is safe _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Timothy Magruder, 18, Jacksonville, Florida  Unlicensed Florida teen leads police on chase, crashes after hitting a pothole  An 18-year-old man led the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office on a chase that ended when he fled and hid on top of a metal shed, police said in a report. Timothy Magruder, 18, is facing multiple charges after the July 17 incident. JSO said Magruder was spotted driving at a high rate of speed in a 1995 Lincoln Town Car on Rayford Street. Magruder nearly crashed the big sedan while trying to turn onto Day Ave., JSO said. During a police chase, Magruder kept driving faster, JSO said, until he finally hit a pothole and crashed into a tree. Magruder ran, JSO said, and briefly got away by hiding on top of a metal shed. With the aid of a police K-9, Magruder was quickly located and arrested. The suspect told JSO that he believed he broke his leg when he crashed the car. He also had cuts on his hands from the metal shed and was noticeably bleeding, the report said. Magruder had crack cocaine on him, the report said. He was charged with drug possession, reckless driving and resisting arrest. Magruder, who had two other teenagers with him in the car that crashed, has never been issued a valid Florida driver's license, the report said. The report did not specify where the car had been stolen. 
  Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: REMOVE!!!  Take me off your mail list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get one more email from you I WILL turn you in to the FCC. Jack Quirk jack@kjprod..........  Hi Jack Go right ahead and make the FCC laugh about you. You can also try the FTC, and for good measure FTD. You don't have an account with us, so I can't remove you from anything. However, I would recommend that you get somebody to 'splain to you what a spoof is, and how to recognize a spoof. Then you can stop barking at the wrong tree, just to amuse me. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks. Patient: I don't touch a drop. Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. Patient: I don't smoke. Doctor: You should stop taking drugs. Patient: I don't do drugs. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends. 
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 At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep it short, Stupid." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Hard Water Deposits From Faucets Cleaning a Toaster First unplug the toaster. Open the crumb catch tray, making sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water.  Do NOT use canned compressed air! Don't even allow it anywhere near your home! Kids inhale it to get stoned, and hundreds a year die from that. If you think you need to shoot petrified bread crumbs into your eyes and down your cleavage, use a tire pump or electric air compressor. However, unless you have weird fetishes like putting runny jam onto your toast before putting it into the toaster, it's enough to turn it upside down over your bird feeder or sidewalk, and slapping it a few times. If the neighbors are watching, tell them that your toaster is haunted and has been misbehaving. Have FUN! DearWebby   Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
The oldest Native American to have ever lived. 
 ___________________________________________________ A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what... ....we didn't see a single bastard or moron!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in The Flood." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 1 in 1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela). 1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total population of 3,929,214 recorded. 1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an emancipation bill. 1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and William Ford. 1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was over control of Korea. 1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division that later became the U.S. Air Force. 1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of World War I. 1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they opened in Berlin. 1943 In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. The boat was under the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. Eleven of the thirteen crew survived. 1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish forces surrendered. 1946 In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was established. 1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It was the first of this type in America. 1956 The Social Security Act was amended to provide benefits to disabled workers aged 50-64 and disabled adult children. 1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was created by the United States and Canada. 1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to buy CBS for $5.4 billion. 1998 The U.S. books and music chain Borders opens its first European outlet with a 40,000-square-foot store on London's Oxford Street. 2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent an intestinal surgery. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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