Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, April 24 Got a lot of cleaning done. No help, other than an email with encouragement from Norm. It made me realize that I should NOT forget or postpone trying to find a woman, who can nag me into cleaning up on a regular basis, and maybe even help. Possibly due to temporary insanity brought on by over-exertion I realized that all the guys I know, who have good wives, are sorta religious. They dress up on Saturday or Sunday, drive with their wife to church or synagoge, have a nap and when she elbows them, they wake up, fumble out their wallet and fork over the expected amount before resuming their nap. After the service, when everybody tries to get to the parking lot quickly, they agree with anybody, who talks to them, that the seating should be improved. Yes, Ma'am! I could handle that. If she helps with the cleaning up, I would even get more seriously religious! ______________________________________________________ Today, April 24 in 1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna in Tripoli. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Portland woman says her dog alerted her to intruder in high-heels via Internet  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. --- Jewish Proverb _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ The Sunday School teacher was teaching a lesson on creation to a class of children. "All right, children," she said, "who can tell us what makes the flower spring from the seed?" One little girl answered, "The rain does it, but fertilizer helps." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kye Phillips, 22, Portland, Oregon  Portland woman says her dog alerted her to intruder in high-heels via Internet  An intruder in high-heels made himself at home at a Portland woman's apartment. According to court documents, the uninvited guest took a shower and tried on the woman's clothing and jewelry, all before being caught red-handed. The woman who lives there, Shauna, says her dog is the only reason the man is now behind bars. He was going through all my personal things. My underwear, my bras he was going through all my clothes. He ate my ice cream and some food. Drank root beer from the fridge, just made himself at home, Shauna said. 22-year old Kye Phillips is now behind bars facing burglary and theft charges. Shauna says Phillips went insider her Portland apartment on April 8. She says the only reason he was caught is because her dog started barking at the stranger, eventually setting off the dog app on her phone. While at work, Shauna said she opened up her Furbo dog camera, which showed the man stepping out of her bathroom, using her towel. All of a sudden I see this guy coming out in a towel from my bathroom. I was like what are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my clothes? Shauna said. Shauna said she then called police, left work and rushed home. She says a police officer was waiting at her apartment and together they caught the man red-handed. His face was just like shock, like oh my god, I can't believe I was caught. He was wearing my black bra, a black bathing suit bottom that I have and a white coverup, Shauna said. Now, Shauna and her dog have a new home. She says she moved out a few days later. I got away from there as fast as I could I didn't even stay for one more night. (My dog) was really shook up at first, but he's ok now. Getting away from there makes me feel better, but I still want (Phillips) to pay for what he did, Shauna said. There's another twist to this already bizarre story. Shauna says her doorbell camera shows Phillips standing outside her apartment for two hours before he went inside. This whole time, she says her dog was barking. A neighbor we spoke with says she was frustrated by all the commotion and knocked on Shauna's door, hard enough to break a small glass window, allowing Phillips to make himself at home.  
 From: Chris Re: Restore desktop  Dear Webby Is there a better way to save and restore the Windows desktop than SMD? SMD has worked fine for many years, but after recent Windows bugfixes and updates, it seems to have lost it's magic. I have a lot of icons on my desktop, and get extremely annoyed when a tool is not where I had put it. Thanks Chris  Dear Chris Try Restore Desktop from MidiOx. It's in my toolbox. After installing it, right-click on the desktop and you will see the options to save and to restore the desktop added to the right-click menu. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 My friend's daughter was taking her son, Donny, to preschool along her usual route. She had always been aware of the speed trap on the hill but this day, she was unusually hurried and forgot. Sure enough, the police pulled her over. Denise was asked for her license and registration. She started to giggle. The officer asked her if she thought this was funny. She said, "No," and that it was her 3 year old in the back seat. The officer put his head down to the window and heard this tiny voice singing, "What you gonna do when they come for you . . . what you gonna do . . . bad boy, bad boy . . . what you gonna do?" The officer couldn't stop laughing and let her go with a warning. 
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 My nephew, who has just started the first grade, was asked to memorize the Ten Commandments. Upon reciting the commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery," he was asked what this commandment meant. With absolute seriousness he replied, "That means that you shouldn't do what the adults do." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Regional Bargains When traveling or even commuting, be mindful of regional bargains. For example, when we drive to Eastern Washington (from Western Washington), we visit some fruit stands to take advantage of bargains on apples and cherries. The fruit is grown there so the fruit is extremely fresh and inexpensive if you buy it in season. Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
  
The chuck wagon carries on 
 ___________________________________________________ The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take. Under "Reason unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook ___________________________________________________ >From Mia My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. "Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is such a mess?" "My house," Michelle said, "does not take 30-degree rolls." ------------- Hmmmm, I wonder how I could fake that... ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wife's birth- day. His wife told him, "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in under 10 seconds." The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday. ___________________________________________________  
 Today April 24 in 1519 Envoys of Montezuma II attended the first Easter mass in Central America. 1547 Charles V's troops defeated the Protestant League of Schmalkalden at the battle of Muhlburg. 1558 Mary, Queen of Scotland, married the French dauphin, Francis. 1800 The Library of Congress was established with a $5,000 allocation. 1805 The U.S. Marines attacked and captured the town of Derna in Tripoli. 1833 A patent was granted for first soda fountain. 1877 Russia declared war on the Ottoman Empire. 1877 In the U.S., federal troops were ordered out of New Orleans. This was the end to the North's post-Civil War rule in the South. 1884 Otto von Bismarck cabled Cape Town that South Africa was now a German colony. 1889 The Edison General Electric Company was organized. 1898 Spain declared war on the U.S., rejecting America's ultimatum for Spain to withdraw from Cuba. 1915 During World War I, the Ottoman Turkish Empire began the mass deportation of Armenians. 1916 Irish nationalists launched the Easter Rebellion against British occupation forces. They were overtaken several days later. 1944 The first B-29 arrived in China, over the Hump of the Himalayas. 1953 Winston Churchill was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. 1961 U.S. President Kennedy accepted "sole responsibility" following Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba. 1962 MIT sent a TV signal by satellite for the first time. 1967 Soviet astronaut Vladimir Komarov died when his craft crashed with a tangled parachute. 1967 The newest Greek regime banned miniskirts. 1970 The People's Republic of China launched its first satellite. 1973 Albert Sabin reported that herpesviruses were factors in nine kinds of cancer. 1974 David Bowie released "Diamond Dogs." 1989 Thousands of students began striking in Beijing. 1990 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was carrying the $1.5 billion Hubble Space Telescope. 1997 The U.S. Senate ratified the Chemical Weapons Convention. The global treaty banned the development, production, storage and use of chemical weapons. 2000 ABC-TV aired the TV movie "The Three Stooges." 2003 A U.S. official reported the North Korea had claimed to have nuclear weapons. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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