Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, September 6 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida driver more than 4 times over the limit  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 6 in 1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England to settle in the New World. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Miss Figpot looked over her third grade class and happened to notice Billy and Little Johnny giggling and talking during her lesson. "Well, since you two are obviously listening so well, let's see if you can answer this one!" The teacher said with a smirk on her face. "What is the proper name to use when referring to a cow that has just given birth?" There was a moment of silence, then Little Johnny started giggling. "You think it's funny Johnny? You know the answer?" growled Miss Figpot. "Umm...yeah!" Johnny replied. "Well, let's hear it." "You would call her de-calfenated!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the preschool teacher in our Kentucky church decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! "I'm usually brown or grey, but sometimes I can be black or red." Desperate, the teacher turned to a perky four-year-old who was usually good about coming up with the answers. "Michelle, what do you think?" Michelle looked hesitantly at her classmates and replied, "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" ______________________________________________________   Don't move for abolut a week! _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Shelby Wagner, 25, Crestview, Florida  Florida driver more than 4 times over the limit  A Crestview woman with a blood-alcohol level over four times the legal limit was charged with driving under the influence after several people who noticed her reckless driving called the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office. Shelby Wagner, 25, was pulled over as she was driving on State Road 293 near Niceville about 7 a.m. Thursday with a blood-alcohol level of 0.334, according to her offense report. The deputy noticed the white Chevy Suburban swerving, crossing the center line and even driving down the median. At one point he noticed that the car was pulled over to the side of the road with Wagner slumped over the wheel. When speaking with the deputy, Wagner misstated the road she was driving on, telling him she was on State Road 85. Wagner failed a field sobriety the test after she was unable to recite the alphabet forward, singing up to the letter P and then saying F, G ,H, M, P before randomly reciting different letters. The deputy also noted a bottle of red wine and a red cup in the car's middle console that appeared to have red wine in it. Wagner was arrested for a DUI and then taken to the Fort Walton Beach Police Department for a breathalyzer test. Because the samples showed a blood-alcohol level of over 0.30, Wagner was then taken to Fort Walton Beach Medical Center to be medically cleared. .3 and over is often fatal. After she was cleared she was booked. Her vehicle was towed from the scene.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Ross F Re: Restore Quick-Launch Dear Webby, Dear Webby Is there any other way of refreshing the Quick Launch, other than restarting? Once in a while Incredimail doesn't show up, but after restarting the computer it'll come back! Thanks, Ross  Dear Ross Are you aware that, aside from being a nuisance to politely and silently suffering recipients, Incredimail is spyware ? It not only reports on you, it also records the IP numbers of your victims, and who knows what else. When Windows or some other program gets disgusted with it and dumps it off the Quick-Launch toolbar or randomizes the Quick-Launch toolbar, you can restore it by squishing the task bar down to a hair line and pulling it up again. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 A man says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The man says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch. She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?' I said, 'Of course, you can,' and shut the door." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wrinkled Slacks But No Iron? This tips is especially useful when traveling and staying in a hotel. If you have wrinkled slacks but no iron, just put the slacks neatly over the towel bar in the bathroom while taking a shower. Be sure to close the bathroom door to trap as much steam as possible. The steam will help ease some of the wrinkles. It also helps to smooth them out with your hands while it is steamy. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
man films parking lot overnight during Hurricane Harvey 
 ____________________________________________________  >From Kati A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during this particularly icy fall. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules, so the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: February 28, 2006 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! ___________________________________________________  
 
 A "hobbit" castle built for sheep in the English countryside. 
 ___________________________________________________ That reminds me of this one: A father thought it was about time to lecture his son, who was somewhat scatter-brained and frivolous. "Jim," he said, "You're getting to be a man now and you ought to take life more seriously. Just think . . . if I died all of a sudden, where would you be?" "I'd be right here, dad," said Jim. "The question is, where would YOU be?" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how much to charge a customer: "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say 'two hundred seventy five dollars.' If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be two hundred fifty dollars'. If his eyes still don't flutter, you say, 'Each'." ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, Sept 6, in 1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England to settle in the New World. 1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe. 1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co- educational. 1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San Francisco was completed. 1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk. 1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. Czolgosz, an American anarchist, was executed the following October. 1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months earlier. 1939 South Africa declared war on Germany. 1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only applied to Jews over the age of 6. 1944 During World War II, the British government relaxed blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for the Home Guard. 1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned. 1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting. 1972 Rick DeMont lost the gold medal he received in a 400- meter swimming event because a banned drug was found in his system during routine drug testing. 1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament. 1978 James Wickwire and Louis Reichardt reached the top of the world's second largest mountain, Pakistan's K-2. They were the first Americans to reach the summit. Reinhold Messner had reached it in the mid 60's. 1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country without permission would be put in prison for life. 1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the independence of the Baltic states. 1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the Great. The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to Leningrad (1924). 1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a transplanted baboon liver. 1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they were merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the following December. 1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate Ethics Committee. 2001 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was seeking a lesser antitrust penalty and would not attempt to break up Microsoft. 2001 Ebay Inc. was found not liable for copyright infringement because bootleg copies of a Charles Manson documentary had been sold on the site. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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