Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, April 25 For today they forecast a 20% chance of up to 1 mm of rain. Yeah, sure. Sounds like a heavy dew, but not enough to darken the roads.I don't really expect real rain, that will melt the remaining snow and turn the brown lawns green until May. Nobody, of course, is watering their lawns and starting the lawn mowing season. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Unruly Passenger Tased 10 Times Before Takeoff. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 25 in 1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. --- Bishop Sheen Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. --- Lee Trevino _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Banded Broadbill _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang. "You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably. "All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jacob Garcia, 28, Miami, Florida  Unruly Passenger Tased 10 Times Before Takeoff  An unruly passenger on a flight from Miami to Chicago never made it off the ground before he was Tased 10 times and removed from the plane, police say. According to a police report, 28-year-old Jacob Garcia was initially moved to a different seat on the American Airlines flight after a female passenger accused him of groping her. Police say they were called after Garcia started screaming insults at the woman and her boyfriend, the Miami Herald reports. All passengers were told to leave the plane but Garcia refused to exit the aircraft and wrapped his legs around a seat, yelling at officers to "try it and see what happens." "He was just being really argumentative, kind of combative with everyone," passenger Kaitlin Water tells CBS Miami. Police say that during the struggle, which was captured on video, an officer discharged his Taser, which cycled 10 times "due to Mr. Garcia's actions and the close quarters of the engagement." Police say that after they carried Garcia off the plane, still yelling, he went limp to make himself harder to move then grabbed the gun of an officer, who slapped his hand away. The flight to Chicago took off an hour late without Garcia, who was booked on charges including battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting an officer.   Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Restoring trashed spam  Dear Webby, I have Mailwasher and have tried to restore some email recently for the first time and cannot get it to restore. Can you help me. I get the message that the restored mail is being sent to ****@sbcglobal.net. Then I get an error message that the connection to the in coming server was reset, check the Internet connection, which I did and it seemed ok to me. What do I need to do to correct the problem. Thank you, Betty  Dear Betty In MailWasher, go to TOOLS, OPTIONS, GENERAL SET SMTP Server You have to set the same SMTP server as in your email program. I know it's a nuisance when you travel and use different connections every night, but without that MailWasher can't send the retrieved mail from your spam trash to your yahoo/sbcglobal mailbox. Have FUN DearWebby    Thanks to Sandie for this story: Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a beautiful Queen with magnificent, voluptuous breasts. Troy the Dragon slayer coveted them but he knew that the penalty for fulfilling his wildest desire would be death, should he ever try to touch them. One day Troy revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Albert the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Albert exclaimed that he could very easily arrange for Troy the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost Troy 1000 gold coins for him to arrange it. Without pause, Troy the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Albert the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little of it into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Albert the Physician informed the King and Queen that he knew of this itch and that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this dreadful scourge, and that his tests had shown that in the whole kingdom only the saliva of Troy the Dragon Slayer was of the correct type to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Troy the Dragon Slayer. Albert the Physician had prepared an antidote in advance and given it to Troy the Dragon Slayer, who concealed it in his jerkin and for the next four hours, Troy worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. He then smuggled the antidote into his mouth and the Queen's itching was gradually relieved, and Troy the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Troy the Dragon Slayer found Albert the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Troy the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Albert the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost. The next day, Albert the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underpants. The King immediately summoned Troy the Dragon Slayer. The moral of the story? - - - - - - - - - - - - Pay your bills. 
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 A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small", $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen." 
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 A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Awesome Cleaner from the Dollar Store By littergitter Awesome Cleaner from the Dollar Store - spray bottle of cleaner on porch My neighbor told me about Awesome for cleaning vinyl siding. She really liked it, so last year, when I was in Dollar General, I picked up a 32 ounce bottle of it for $1.00. I had not used it until this week when cleaning the porch, getting the wood ready for painting and new screen wire.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Dollar stores often sell experimental stuff for name brands, sometimes under a fake name, to do testing. If people like the stuff, the name brand will sell it under a label of their own, and you won't see it at the Dollar store ever again. The same goes if the people don't like it. if you like some stuff, stock up. Don't count on it still available when your initial purchase runs dry. The reason they get the stuff so cheap or free is because actually, they are just doing customer acceptance testing. And once the test is over, they won't even try to re-order stuff again. Have FUN! DearWebby  ____________________________________________________  'BAMA U DICTIONARY OF MEDICAL TERMS Anti-Body - against everyone Artery - study of paintings Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria Barium - what to do when treatment fails Bowel - letters lik A E I O or U Caesarean Section - a district in Rome Cardiology - advanced study of poker playing Cat Scan - searching for ones lost kitty Cauterize - made eye contact with her Colic - sheep dog Coma - punctuation mark Congenital - friendly D & C - where Washington is Dilate - to live long Enema - not a friend Fester - quicker Genes - blue denim slacks Genital - non-Jewish Hangnail - coat hook Hemorrhoid - a male From outer space Herpes - what women do in the Ladies Room Hormones - what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid Impotent - distinguished, well known Inpatient - tired of waiting Labor Pain - hurt at work Medical Staff - a doctor's cane Minor Operation - coal digging Morbid - a higher bid Nitrate - cheaper than the Day Rate Node - was aware of Organic - organ repairman Outpatient - a person who has fainted Paralyze - two far-fetched stories Pharmacist - person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Post-Operative - a letter carrier Protein - in favor of young people Recovery Room - place to upholster furniture Rectum - what happened to the Corvette Rheumatic - amorous Saline - where you go on your boyfriend's boat Secretion - hiding something Tablet - a small table Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport Tibia - country in North Africa Tumor - an extra pair Urine - opposite of You're Out Varicose - nearby Vein - conceited  
These paper cutouts filled in by nature are beautiful! 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: A wife in England went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, April 25 in 1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to capture Timbuktu. 1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by hanging himself. 1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces defeated the Anglo-Portugese. 1792 The guillotine was first used in the US to execute highwayman Nicolas J. Pelletier. Unlike expensive dope, it has always worked flawlessly. It was tested successfully on over 150,000 religious fanatics in France. 1831 The New York and Harlem Railway was incorporated in New York City. 1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River. 1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt. 1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with the United States. 1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA. 1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, Union General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA. 1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade. 1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of Hanoi in Indochina. 1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war on the U.S. the day before. 1901 New York became the first state to require license plates for cars. The fee was $1. 1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful. 1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as president of Germany. 1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the name "Pehlevi." 1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on Elbe River. 1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco to organize the United Nations. 1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on "Gloucester Hill," in Korea. 1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in U.S. Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill lasted 22 hours and 26 minutes. 1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick suggested the double helix structure of DNA. 1954 The prototype manufacture of the first solar battery was announced by the Bell Laboratories in New York City. 1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium nuclear reactor. 1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean. 1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit. 1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon. 1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law legalizing abortion in the U.S. The law was limited to therapeutic abortions when agreed to, unanimously, by a panel of three physicians. 1971 The country of Bangladesh was established. 1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a military coup. 1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first revised on October 30, 1982. 1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event took place April 24th Washington, DC, time and was a total flop. 1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel completed its Sinai withdrawal. 1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith to visit his country after receiving a letter in which the U.S. schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war. 1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way. 1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they favored the decentralization of education. 1984 David Anthony Kennedy, the son of Robert F. Kennedy, was found dead of a drug overdose in a hotel room. 1985 "Big River (The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn)" opened at the Eugene O?eill Theatre on Broadway in New York City. 1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. policy in Central America. 1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal. 1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua. 1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's orbit. It was released by the space shuttle Discovery. 1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist government. 1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization voted to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an armed struggle to destroy Israel. 1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was questioned by Whitewater prosecutors on video about her work as a private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center of the investigation. 2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of theft of money from a women's political league. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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