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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 11, in 1979, Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: 16 year old killer sentenced to 35 years (100%) in jail __________________________________________________ Q This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996)eorge Burns (1896 - 1996) The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) ________________________________________________ During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..." The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!" __________________________________________________ A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids." __________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb? __________________________________________________ Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked. "He got this hare brained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied. "How was he going to do it?" "He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and well, you get the idea." "So what did he end up with?" "1 1/2 years in jail and 100 hours of community work." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Sign at the church: Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be baptized. ___________________________________________________ Tell a man there are 347 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cortez Rice, 16, Morris, Illinois, USA 16 year old killer sentenced to 35 years (100%) in jail A 16-year-old boy from Morris was sentenced to 35 years in prison Wednesday after accepting a plea for the August 2022 murder of a Shorewood woman after he shot her twice in the back of the head. A 16-year-old boy from Morris was sentenced to 35 years in prison Wednesday after accepting a plea for the August 2022 murder of a Shorewood woman after he shot and killed her in a seemingly random attack. Cortez Rice, of Morris, had been charged with six counts of first-degree murder after he shot and killed Beverly A. Lambert, 25, on Aug. 4, 2022, as she was picking up her 22-month-old child from daycare. Rice only pleaded guilty to one count of first-degree murder with the other charges being dropped as part of the agreement. His three pending juvenile cases, for criminal trespass to property, retail theft, and aggravated battery were waived as well. A Morris teenager will spend over three decades behind bars. Sixteen-year-old Cortez Rice pleaded guilty to murder in Grundy County Wednesday and was sentenced to 35 years in prison by Grundy County Judge Scott Belt. Investigators and prosecutors say Rice was trying to get a ride in the 400 block of Twilight Drive in Morris and was told to leave by an occupant of an apartment complex shortly before 4:20 in the evening on Thursday, August 4th last year. Rice then is said to have shot 25-year-old Beverly Lambert, of Shorewood, inside the hallway of an apartment complex in the 500 block of Twilight Drive a few minutes later. Lambert's mother thinks that Rice should have been sentenced to life in prison. ____________________________________________________ To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a commitee. _____________________________________________________ Two soldiers are late returning from their leave, and now they're standing before their sergeant: "How could you be late for two whole hours? What if a war broke out?" "Well, Sergeant, we went to the opera and we just got carried away with the performance." "Opera?!" the sergeant exclaims. "I know you turkeys got good and drunk, but I doubt you got drunk enough on YOUR salary to wind up in the opera!" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Dr Moe re: Revo Dear Webby i still like to use the Free Revo Uninstaller to get rid of a goofy program. it gets rid of the registry junk too with two steps after the program is gone. the tricky part comes when a system runs its own delete and wants to do a reboot asap. but can ignore that message and continue the Revo steps. and i always use ccleaner to check for junk at startup. But Revo also has great tools for Windows stuff. i use them all the time - especially the System Files checker. or it has shortcuts to useful windows apps. moe Dear Dr Moe Great advice, as usual. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >From Connie If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. I wish I was a bear. ____________________________________________________ Today, February 11 in 1752, The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first hospital in America. 1808, Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel. 1812, The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting law that favored his party. 1858, A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 1878, The first U.S. bicycle club, Boston Bicycle Club, was formed. 1929, The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 1936, Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's Treasure Island. 1937, General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile Workers Union, which ended the current sit- down strike against them. 1943, General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command the allied armies in Europe. 1945, During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1958, Ruth Carol Taylor was the first black woman to become a stewardess by making her initial flight. 1972, McGraw-Hill Publishing Co. and Life magazine canceled plans to publish an autobiography of Howard Hughes. The work turned out to be fake. 1975, Margaret Thatcher became the first woman to head a major party in Britain when she was elected leader of the Conservative Party. 1979, Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. 1982, ABC-TVs presentation of "The Winds of War" concluded. The 18-hour miniseries cost $40 million to produce and was the most-watched television program in history at the time. 1982, France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39 banks. 1984, The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 1989, Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman to be consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal Church. 1990, Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 1990, In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 1993, Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney general by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female to hold the position. 2000, The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to gather information for the most detailed map of the earth ever made. 2000, Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline. 2002, The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24 million each for the ninth and final season of the series. 2006, In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 2016, It was reported that scientists had detected gravitational waves. The waves had been detected on September 14, 2015 by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors in Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA. 2022 Do smiled.
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