Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, February 7 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Lake City bank robber gave drivers license to manager   Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, February 7 in 1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. It automatically signed autographs to documents. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. --- B. F. Skinner (1904 - 1990) Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Ed told me his buddy came in late one day because his car lock had become frozen. The guy defrosted it by holding the key in a candle flame to get it hot enough to just "slide" through the ice. The guy said, "That worked so well I've got a bunch of candles in the glove box in case it happens again." Ed replied, "How will you get them out?" -------------------- A lighter works fine too. But don't try that trick without gloves! The hottest part of the key is the part that you shield from the wind, with your fingers. ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said. "That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on our fence and for two weeks straight they were pulling splinters out of all the neighbors." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Scarlet Macaw _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this picture and story: I thought each of you could use a little comic relief today. Here's the story. A city councilman, Mark Easton, lives in this neighborhood. He had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built. Apparently, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. Mark and his new neighbor had some great arguments about this as you can imagine - not great feelings. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line - no doubt at great expense. Recently, Mark Easton called the city and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found...  _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Donald Towns, 41, Lake City, Floriduh  Lake City bank robber gave drivers license to manager  According to the Lake City Police Department, a man made a series of mistakes while robbing a Columbia County bank on Monday. According to a news release, Donald Towns, 41, walked out of the Renasant Bank with $1,200 in cash on Monday morning after appearing to show a concealed firearm. He told bank employees he would kill them if they called police, he Lake City Police Department said. Towns was arrested 36 minutes after the robbery. Police said Towns said he wanted to open a bank account, and when asked, provided a drivers license to the bank manager, which was photocopied. Towns had given the bank manager a note that stated that he had a gun. Police later discovered the note was written on the back of a medical discharge note, which had Towns' name on it. The suspect was located a short distance from the bank and taken to the Columbia County Jail. He is being held without bond.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Octoberbabye Re: Right Click ban  Dear Webby, Avid (Rabid avid) fan here. I was wondering if you could give me instructions on disabling the right click ban on some sites. I like to save pictures to do as jigsaw puzzles and some sites give a pop up box that says 'right click disabled'. Thanks, octoberbabye  Dear Octoberbabye Quite often that copy protection is because somebody has bought the rights to use the pictures, but not the copy right, and they are required to protect them. There is nothing you can do about their copy protection. You CAN steal a screen shot by hitting PrintScreen or ALT PrintScreen, and then go into your graphics program and paste the screen shot into a new picture and crop the surrounding stuff off it. Just don't get caught with stolen pictures on your site! Have FUN! DearWebby   
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  
 The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?" The foreman answered, "Insanity." The D.A. asked: "All twelve of you?" 
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 An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, "Hey Paddy!, what's that little green thing you've got down there?" The little green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and then runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey Paddy!, what is that thing, anyway?" The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun." "A leprechaun!" says the Englishman laughing, "Boy, I never knew leprechauns were so ugly!" The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his pecker off!" he shouts. "You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have peckers." "How do they pee, then?" asks the Englishman. "They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT!" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Small Handy Tool Box Put together a small tool box for making minor repairs around the house. Fill it with the essentials: hammer, screw drivers, a chisel, pliers, scissors, a small level, a tape measure and anything else you find yourself needing frequently. Keep it in a safe convenient place and make sure all the tools and the tool box is put away when it's done being used.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"  
 
 Dogs are awesome! 
 After a round of golf, 4 elderly ladies sat around the club house chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?" The first said she had a good round...making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was. The second lady then quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "riders"?" The bar tender simply smiled and said: "A 'rider' is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, February 7, in 1877 The first Guernsey Cattle Club was organized in New York City. 1882 The last bareknuckle fight for the heavyweight boxing championship took place in Mississippi City. 1893 Elisha Gray patented a machine called the telautograph. It automatically signed autographs to documents. 1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the Bulgarian army in Gallipoli. 1922 DeWitt and Lila Acheson Wallace offered 5,000 copies of "Reader's Digest" magazine for the first time. 1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered at the Center Theatre in Manhattan. 1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing would go into effect in two days. 1944 During World War II, the Germans launched a counteroffensive at Anzio, Italy. 1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and re-export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries because Cuba had nationalized all US owned refineries and plantations. 1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain. 1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National Hockey League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in a game against the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals and four assists. 1977 Russia launched Soyuz 24. 1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and Robert L. Stewart made the first untethered space walk. 1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit edition. It was the largest regular edition in the magazine's history at 218 pages. 1985 "New York, New York" became the official anthem of New York City. 1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier fled his country ending 28 years of family rule. That turned out to be bad news for Haiti. 1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as Haiti's first democratically elected president. 1999 NASA's Stardust space probe was launched. The mission was to return comet dust samples from comet Wild 2. The mission was completed on January 15, 2006 when the sample return capsule returned to Earth. 2000 California's legislature declared that February 13 would be "Charels M. Schulz Day." 2008 The Space Shuttle Atlantis launched with the mission of delivering the Columbus science laboratory to the International Space Station. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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