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| Good Morning, Do! Today Thursday, August 18 Thank you, Richard!! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 18, in 1966, The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were sent back to the U.S. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award More than 30 pounds of fentanyl pills were seized in Chandler _________________________________________________ Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) "There are more important things in life than money - but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Socratex __________________________________________________ A complex W10 system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. When operating a computer, whatever happens, behave as though you meant for it to happen. When you reach the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. When the going gets tough, upgrade. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural. He who laughs last probably made a back-up. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but not necessarily what you intended it to do. __________________________________________________ Newspaper Ad The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. ---------------------------------------------------------- ------- MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Pbone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit! ___________________________________________________ Gold Manteled Ground Squirrel, practising Rear Thunder __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Braulio de Diego, 30, Mesa, Arizona, USA More than 30 pounds of fentanyl pills were seized in Chandler More than 30 pounds of fentanyl pills were seized in Chandler during a drug trafficking investigation on Aug. 10. The Arizona Department of Public Safety arrested a suspect connected to the 35.7 pounds of fentanyl pills, about 150,000 of them, near Loop 101 and Chandler Boulevard. 30-year-old Braulio de Diego, of Mesa, was arrested and booked into the Maricopa County Jail on suspicion of possession of a narcotic drug and possession of a narcotic drug for sale. DPS says the street value of the pills is estimated to be more than $525,000. _____________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ A woman was in court charged with wounding her husband. "But why did you stab him over a hundred times?" asked the judge. "Oh, your Honor," replied the defendant, "I didn't know how to switch off the electric carving knife." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Yana RE: Roomba Dear Webby, I know this is not a web or computer question, but you have answered wild ones before. You know about those UFO style disk that scurry around and sweep, vacuum, mop. What is a good one? Yana Dear Yana Your first one is going to be a "Door Prize". Cheap junk, that sorta works and that is ALMOST more nuisance than it is worth. It will teach you, though, the involved lingo and what to look out for. You will also find out that every Tuesday there will be a newer and much better model. So you give yours to an aunt, and buy a more expensive one. Nice! That will keep you happy for a while, and then you find out that they now make even better ones. I doubt that you will stop lusting after newer and better ones until you get up into the $200+ range. Don't let that stop you from starting with a below $20 door prize unit. They will sweep and vacuum the high traffic areas, and if you fence them out of toilets or other places, where they will get stuck, they can save you valuable FaceBook time. HaveFUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An Irishman sees a job advert published on a building site, 'handy man wanted; apply within'. So he does and speaks to the foreman. Foreman: Can you drive a forklift truck? Irish man: No Foreman: can you plaster? Irish man: No Foreman: Can you lay brick? Irish man: No Foreman: If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you? Irish man: I live only three minutes down the road. _____________________________________________________ Two little girls are looking at a book of fairy tales. "Who's that on the cover?" asks the younger of the two. "That's Cinderella." replied her friend. "It's a nice story with a happy ending." "But why is she crying?" Asked the first. "Because her wicked step-Mother won't let her go to the mall." ___________________________________________________ As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a friend of John's noticed he was purchasing a dozen roses and a card. "You in trouble with Jill?" the friend asked John. "Nope!" was John's reply. "Preventive maintenance." ___________________________________________________ Jill, with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened. "The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron." "What about the other one?" "My upstairs neighbor called, and asked what all the screaming was about." _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, August 18, in 1227, The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 1587, Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on American soil of English parents. The colony that is now Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 1840, The American Society of Dental Surgeons was founded in New York City, NY. 1846, Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured Santa Fe, NM. 1894, The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S. Congress. 1914, The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. out of World War I. 1916, Abraham Lincoln's birthplace was made into a national shrine. 1919, The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in Chicago IL. 1920, Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all American women to vote. 1937, The first FM radio construction permit was issued in Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 1938, The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the U.S. and Canada. 1940, Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan against the possible enemy attacks during World War II. 1958, Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 1963, James Meredith graduated from the University of Mississippi. He was the first black man to accomplish this feat. 1966, The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were sent back to the U.S. 1990, The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 1991, An unsuccessful coup was attempted against President Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea. 1997, Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia Military Institute's 158-year history. 1998, Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 2004, Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game) where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and make billion-dollar business deals 2022 Do! smiled. |
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