Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, Sept 1 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Florida Woman Tries To Set Police Car On Fire, At Traffic Light  ___________________________________________________ Today, Sept 1 in 1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit Saturn. ____________________________________________________ If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men. --- Russell P. Askue ____________________________________________________ Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic? A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5. A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 -- but that is just not good enough for her. (or him) ____________________________________________________   Jason Walchuck A mother black bear taking her cubs for a swim at Lower Carthew Lake in Waterton park, Southern Alberta, yesterday! ____________________________________________________ A fellow is talking to his Irish buddy and says, "I gotta stop drinking that Irish whiskey" "How come?" asked his friend. "Because every Saturday night I go out and drink a fifth of the stuff, come home, make mad passionate love to the wife, wake up Sunday morning, and go to church." "What's wrong with that?" the Irishman asks. "A lot of good Irishman go out on Saturday night, drink a fifth of good Irish whiskey, come home, make love to their wife, and go to mass on Sunday." "I know," said his friend, "but I'm Jewish." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Perry Roy Tonto, 30, San Carlos, Arizona, USA  Florida Woman Tries To Set Police Car On Fire, At Traffic Light  A Broward County woman is facing serious charges after police say she tried to set a marked BSO car on fire while a deputy was inside. This is the advisory from the Broward County Sheriffs Office: A Broward Sheriffs Office deputy is safe and unharmed after a frightening encounter with a woman who tried to set the deputys BSO vehicle on fire while the deputy was stopped at a traffic light. BSO detectives arrested Toni Carr for the incident that occurred at approximately 9:50 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 29, at the intersection of Northwest 27th Avenue and West Sunrise Boulevard in Central Broward. According to investigators, while the deputy was sitting in her marked unit at the stoplight, Carr walked up to the vehicle, started banging on her window and broke off the driver side mirror. Carr then walked to the rear of the vehicle, opened the gas tank cover and removed the gas cap. Carr placed paper items into the gas tank and used a lighter to set a lottery ticket on fire. The deputy believed Carr was intending to set her vehicle on fire. The deputy got out of the vehicle and ordered Carr onto the ground. Carr complied and other deputies arrived to help place Carr into custody. Carr was arrested on charges of Aggravated Assault on a Law Enforcement Officer, Attempted Arson, Criminal Mischief and Felony Violation of Probation. BSOs Violent Crimes Unit detectives are investigating the incident. BocaNewsNow.com  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Marylou Re: Sacher Dear Webby, I had Sacher Torte once at the Hotel Sacher in Vienna. Obviously not as good as yours, but it had a chocolate glaze. Their coffee was excellent, though. What do you recommend for the chocolate glaze? Marylou  Dear Marylou You are absolutely right! Sorry about forgetting the glaze! Take one square of Baker's Semi Sweet chocolate, from the baking supplies isle, not from the candy and chocolate isle, and one teaspoon of real butter, I use salted butter. Put them into a small bowl and micrcowave it for no more than 55 seconds. Immediately stir it quite fanatically and pour it onto the torteas soon as it is allsmearable. Smear it smooth and let it cool gently. If you nuke it longer, or cool it too suddenly, then the glaze will "curdle" and look rough. If you follow the directions religiously, then the glaze will be smooth and shiny, and taste the way it is supposed to. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors." ____________________________________________ A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" John answered, "Mom...." ____________________________________________ Here is a prank to play on spammers: If they have a 1-800 number on their spam, write a nice big letter telling them that you do not like being spammed. Then set your fax program to hide your number and name, just like they do with their spam, and fax the letter to them. You don't really have to stop after the third time of putting a nice cheery fax howl onto their answering machine. Most fax software allows you to queue up all kinds of repeats. ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, Sept 1, in 1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented by John J. Wood. 1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service. 1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company of Boston. 1884 The Thomas A. Edison Construction Department and the Edison Company for Isolated Lighting merged. 1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention of the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device that is better known as a record player. Thomas Edison made the idea work. 1897 The first section of Boston's subway system was opened. 1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth provinces of Canada. 1922 The first daily news program on radio was "The Radio Digest," on WBAY radio in New York City, NY. 1939 World War II began when Germany invaded Poland. 1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese nationals. 1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was actually September 2nd. 1949 "Martin Kane, Private Eye" debuted on NBC-TV. 1951 The ANZUS Treaty, a mutual defense pact, was signed by the U.S., Australia and New Zealand. 1952 The Ernest Hemingway novel "The Old Man and the Sea" was published. 1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after the government was overthrown. 1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to visit Saturn. 1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all the country's private banks. 1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and Jean Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. The wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York and 453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast. 1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was killed, was over the legal alcohol limit. 1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America. 1998 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" was released in the U.S. This was the first book in the Harry Potter series. 1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political dissidents, on National Day. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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