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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 3, in 1957, Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award goes to Chicago sex offender molests multiple women while on bail ____________________________________________________ I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. --- Augusten Burroughs Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ___________________________________________________ A passenger train is creeping along slowly through the plains of Alabama. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" _____________________________________________________ *The End Of The World* When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS National Enquirer: SHEEP MISSING ALL OVER WORLD Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER Wired: THE LAST NEW THING Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR Readers Digest: BYE Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS? TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR! Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET! America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 1000 YEARS Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE. IBM: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE! N.Y. Post: WHAASSSUP ? Boston Globe: STRONG N.E. WINDS PREDICTED Cuba Libre: TRUMP BLOWS UP WORLD NYT: It is Trump's fault, like we told you. Arizona Republic: TEMPERATURES EXPECTED TO HIT 1016 F TODAY __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by David Buckner, 28, Chicago, Illinois, USA Chicago sex offender molests multiple women while on bail David Buckner, 28, was charged Thursday with misdemeanor battery for grabbing and groping an 18-year-old woman on the Loyola University campus in Chicago a day earlier, CWB Chicago reported. In 2017, Buckner told police that he "probably" molested about 75 women on the CTA within two months, the Chicago Tribune reported at the time. He was charged with felonies for assaulting four women that year. Buckner was eventually found not guilty in the 2017 cases by reason of insanity and order to register as a sex offender, CWB Chicago reported. Prior to the alleged assault on the Loyola campus, Buckner was on bail after having been arrested twice for allegedly assaulting four other women within a matter of months. The first reported case happened in June. Two women accused him of licking, squeezing and groping them on Chicagos Magnificent Mile. The Cook County States Attorneys office refused to file felony charges against Buckner related to that case, and he was released from jail on a charge of misdemeanor battery, the outlet reported. On Oct. 9, two more women accused Buckner of touching them inappropriately at the Roosevelt CTA station. He was again charged with misdemeanor battery and released, according to the outlet. Buckner is also charged with a misdemeanor in the alleged assault on the Loyola campus. Buckners public defender said during a hearing on Thursday that he lives with his wife and two children, the outlet reported. He graduated from high school before serving in the Marines and attending the University of Illinois Chicago. The public defender said Buckner is on medication for mental health conditions, which were not specified, according to the report. Buckner was reportedly ordered to pay $5,000 toward bail and released on electronic monitoring. ___________________________________________________ Coyote is under the rock, RoadRunner went ==> Thataway ___________________________________________________ A couple were relaxing after their first lovemaking session when the man asked his blonde girlfriend, "Honey, am I the first man you have ever slept with?" With an exasperated sigh, she replied, "Why does everybody always ask me that?!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Red Deer, Norway _________________________________________________ A really drunk man was walking along the street one day . He was staggering quite a bit and made two nuns that were approaching him, very nervous. The two nuns split apart and one walked to the man's left and one walked to the man's right. After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said,"Now how in the hell did she do that"? ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: My Aunt Myrtie was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. She had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. My aunt kept records, and any rooster or pullet that didn't perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now, this took an awful lot of time. So my aunt got a set of tiny bells and attached them to her roosters so she could hear them chasing pullets. Now she could sit on the porch and still fill out an efficiency report by listening to the bells. My aunt's favorite rooster was Old Fart. A very fine specimen he was but his bell had not rung all morning. Aunt Myrtie went to investigate. Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a ringing. O. F. had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, have his way with her and walk on to the next one. Aunt Myrtie was so proud of O.F., she entered him in the county fair. Old Fart was an overnight sensation. The judges awarded him both the No Bell Prize, and the Pullet Surprise. ================================================= DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Sue Re: Safe to vacuum computers Dear Webby Is it safe to vacuum around computers or will the static cause problems? Sue Dear Sue Yes, it is perfectly safe to vacuum around computers. They are grounded electrically and nowadays all inputs are shielded. Do NOT unplug them before vacuuming around or inside them. You should, however, turn them off before you begin vacuuming. The reason for that is that you might accidentally unplug some cables and that could cause the machine to crash. Depending on the environment they are in, desktop computers should be vacuumed out once per year, under-the-desk floor models should be opened and vacuumed out twice a year. 99% of computer cases are designed by fashion conscious morons who think it is a good idea to suck the dustballs and cathairs and whatever in through your computer's CD/DVD drive, let the dustballs get snagged on the heatsinks inside the case, and then blow the clean air out through the cheapest part of all, the power supply. DUH! So just open the computer and vacuum it out before the fuzzy dust blanket inside causes expensive parts to overheat and malfunction. All you have to remember is: Turn the computer OFF, but do NOT UNPLUG IT. The power plug is your anti-static wrist strap. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says "You are an idiot. Go to hell." God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe?" Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, kinda phony but that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe?" "I believe you're in my chair." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 3, in 1507, Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa. 1631, The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts Bay Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate himself to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity. 1796, John Adams was elected the 2nd U.S. President. 1839, The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted. 1892, The first automatic telephone went into service at LaPorte, IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger. 1900, The first automobile show in the United States opened at New York's Madison Square Garden. 1903, Panama proclaimed its independence from Colombia. 1911, Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis Chevrolet and William C. Durant. 1934, The first race track in California opened under a new pari-mutuel betting law. 1941, U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the Japanese may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S. 1952, Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time in a supermarket in Chester, NY. 1953, The Rules Committee of organized baseball restored the sacrifice fly. The rule had not been used since 1939. 1957, Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into space, a dog named Laika. 1973, The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 29, 1974 it became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. 1975, "Good Morning America" premiered on ABC-TV. 1979, Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot to death in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally in Greensboro, NC. Eight others were wounded. 1986, The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first broke the story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the release of seven American hostages. The story turned into the Iran-Contra affair. 1987, China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms to Iran. 1991, Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their first-ever face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain. 1992, Carol Moseley-Braun became the first African-American woman U.S. senator. 1994, Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning her two sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that the children had been abducted by a black carjacker. 1995, U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 1998, A state-run newspaper in Iraq urged the country to prepare to battle "the U.S. monster." 1998, Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro wrestler, as its governor. 2002, At Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong, 777 people assembled a 58,435 square foot jigsaw puzzle with 21,600 pieces. 2003, In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution was unveiled. 2005, Walt Disney Pictures released "Chicken Little." It was the first Disney film completely created with computer animation. 2014, In New York City, One World Trade Center opened for business. 2022 Do smiled.
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