Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, March 6 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Woman Smuggled Small Gun Hidden In Body Cavity Into Missouri Jail ___________________________________________________ Today, March 6 in 1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the ownership of private property. ____________________________________________________ Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. --- Bill Watterson (1958 - ) Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) I'm as pure as the driven slush. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) ____________________________________________________ >From Francia Please add my thanks to your list of folks who are greatful for the efforts you make to entertain us. I for one am getting old; I have heard just about everything, but I like and appreciate humor which is neither obscene nor sick/cruel. You are able to find humor such as I appreciate. And, your sharing it with all of us is a bright point in my day! Francia ____________________________________________________ How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson Aig - what a hen lays Aints - He's got aints in his paints Paints - what cha put on your laigs of a mornin Arn - Ma's tard of arnin Bag - He bagged her to marry him Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won. Bub - the light bub burned out Cheer - what you set in Crick - a small stream Clum - he sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon Chiny - country over in Asia Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes Core - He got hisself a new Ford core Cyow - Animal on Farm Deppity - He helps out the shurf Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt Dainz - Satidy night social Ellum - A graceful tree Fanger - what you put your rang on Faince - Whats round the hawg lot Far - what get the brandin arn hot Furred - He got furred from his job Flar - a rose is a purdy flar Frash - them aigs ain't frash Furiners - All non-'bamans Further - hits ten miles further to town Grain - She was grain with envy Hail - where bad folks go Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n Hilbilly - People in the next county Hollar - whats between the hills Hard- got a brend new hard hand Tar - his core blew a tar Laymun - a sour fruit Laig - Most folks have two of them Lather - what you climb up Liberry - where you go to check out books for larnin Mailk - what you get from cyows Mere - what you see your self in Minners - Live bait Misrus - Married Woman Nar - Opposite of wide Nayk - Your head sets on it Nup - NO Orrel - Them hinges need orrel Ormy - What the sojers go in Pank - a light red color Parch - sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow Petition - What separate the rooms Poke - a paper bag or sack Pokey - what the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke Salit -a green vegetable Puppet - what the preacher is in Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher Purt near - almost; he purt near caught that greased pig Rang - you wear it on your fanger Rut - that there tree sure has long ruts Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town Rainch - A big cow farm Rat - Do it rat now! Rench - rench the soap yourself Roont - She plum roont her shoes Salary - A stringy vegetable Soardeens - small canned fish Shar - A light rain Gully Worsher - a medium heavy rain Toad strangler - A heavy rain Sody Pop - a soft drink Sprang - Water out'n the ground Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail Storch - this here aprn has to much storch in it Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart Tho -tho me the ball Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat War - a bobbed war fance Worsh - go worsh your face Warter - what you worsh your face in Yurp - a continent overseas WARNING TO OZ PEOPLE: DON'T EVEN TRY TO TALK LIKE THIS. WE WILL ALL HAVE TO LAUGH, AND THEN OUR MOTHERS WILL PINCH US UNDER THE TABLE AND OFFER YOU ANOTHER PIECE OF PIE TO KEEP YOU QUIET SO WE WON'T DISGRACE THE FAMILY BY GOING INTO CONVULSIONS. ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. Her husband teased her and said she would never be able to stay away from the other half until dinner the next night. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would rub it in. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Amy Natasha Wilhite, 39, Boone County Jail, Missouri, USA  Woman Smuggled Small Gun Hidden In Body Cavity Into Missouri Jail  A Missouri woman arrested last month on drug and weapons charges had a small revolver hidden in a body cavity that went undetected during a strip search and two pat downs, police report. The four-inch .22 caliber firearm was discovered yesterday by personnel at the Boone County Jail. The weapon was found among the personal belongings of Amy Natasha Wilhite, 39, who was booked into the facility on February 14 following her arrest by the Columbia Police Department. Wilhite was charged with possession of methamphetamine, resisting arrest, unlawful possession of a firearm, and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was also booked for failing to appear in court in connection with prior collars for domestic assault and drunk driving. An initial search of Wilhite by Columbia cops failed to locate the 4.6 ounce North American Arms revolver, which can hold five bullets. A thorough pat search at the jail was followed by a strip search before Wilhite joined other detainees in general population, according to cops. It was not until 17 days after Wilhites incarceration that jailers discovered the firearm. An investigation immediately began, and probable cause was quickly developed to believe Wilhite was in possession of the firearm, according to the Boone County Sheriffs Office. Investigators believe that Wilhite had the gun concealed in her vagina upon entering the jail, and that she removed the firearm from her body and concealed it within her personal belongings. The discovery of the gun resulted in Wilhite being charged with another felony for allegedly introducing a weapon into a correctional facility. Police have not revealed whether the gun was loaded. A new version of the firearm retails for around $250 and features a half-moon sight and a Rosewood Birds Head grip.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From:Mark Re: Onion Fake news  Dear Webby, I realize that most of the mainstream media is totally phony. What kind of fake news does the Onion have? Mark  Dear Mark Their "News" is obvious and admitted satire. Like an article about no longer available Girl Scout Cookies. When they go into politics, they are just as ridiculous. It is just for fun. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. 
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 An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.. The young lass, on learning it wasn't real, returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled..."I gave you a sham rock." ____________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." ____________________________________________ The tourist wandered into a gourmet food shop in Beverly Hills. He picked out two apples and a pear. "That will be $8.00," the store owner said. The tourist gave him a ten dollar bill and walked away. "Wait! Don't you want your change?" "Forget it. I stepped on a grape on my way in." ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, March 6 in 1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory. 1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as Toronto. 1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. "Remember the Alamo!" 1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's Stone from the lapidarium. 1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 1886 "The Nightingale" was first published. It was the first magazine for nurses. 1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. 1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners underground. 1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed that the U.S. had failed to collect debts. 1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of bombs. 1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement with France that recognized his country as an autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop withdrawals from India. 1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," was launched from Newport News, VA. 1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland became the independent state of Ghana. 1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal elections. 1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops to Vietnam. 1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to establish a draft lottery. 1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his defense against murder charges. 1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on oil and gas. 1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their border dispute. 1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs. 1985 Yul Brynner played his 4,500th performance in the musical "The King and I." 1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 1990 In Afghanistan, an attempted coup to remove President Najibullah from office failed. 1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the ownership of private property. 1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered a week later. 1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official royal Web site. 1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 2015 The NASA space probe Dawn entered orbit around the protoplanet Ceres in the asteroid belt. 2021 Do smiled. 
 

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