Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 22 Thanks Michael! The delay in acknowledging your help was not due to PayPal, but due to Telus, the phone company, being slow to fix the sub station, that had been hit by a drunk. Sorry about that! Today's Bonehead Award: Drunken Eagles fan puts dog in microwave, attacks her girlfriend ______________________________________________________ Today, January 22 in 1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | "You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do." --- Olin Miller I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. --- Confucius "I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." --- John Mortimer ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy asked his mother, "Why don't you get call-waiting? Your phone is always busy, and I can't get through." She replied, "I DO have call-waiting. You call; if the line is busy; you wait!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kirsten J. Gaskins , 31, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Drunken Eagles fan puts dog in microwave, attacks her girlfriend A drunken Eagles fan is accused of physically attacking her girlfriend and putting her girlfriend's dog in a hotel microwave after the Eagles lost in the playoffs. Police say Kirsten J. Gaskins , 31, had been drinking and was upset about her team's loss when she allegedly began yelling at her girlfriend, knocked the woman the down, climbed on top of her and started to hit her in the face, according to The Morning Call. The girlfriend, who wasn't identified, was reportedly able to escape by scratching Gaskins in the face but as she went to flee the room, police said Gaskins allegedly threatened to kill her dog if she left the room. When police arrived at the Hanover Township hotel, where the couple had been staying, they found the white Pomeranian stuffed into a small microwave. The microwave had not been turned on and the dog was not harmed. Officers also reported that the woman's girlfriend had blood on her left ear and cuts on her nose and cheek indicating a fight had taken place, the paper reports. Gaskins initially fled the scene but returned after officers arrived and told her girlfriend the pair were leaving. "When Gaskins returned to the hotel room, she continued to be aggressive and (loudly) cursing at police and the victim," a press release obtained by Oxygen.com said. Officers arrested her and charged her with simple assault, harassment, cruelty to animals and possession of drug paraphernalia. She has since been released on a $20,000 bail. Gaskins has denied the allegations against her telling local station WCAU that the incident was not related to the football game. She also claimed that she had not put the dog into the microwave. From: Jeannie Re: Saving PowerPoint pictures Dear DearWebby, Several times over the past few months I've been sent some amazing power point presentations. Many of the pictures are just breath taking and I'd like to save a few of them. How do I do it? I would ask the people that sent them to me for copies of the photos but have already discovered that they have no clue about the photos as they have just forwarded on what was forwarded to them. Any advice or help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! Jeannie Dear Jeannie Just get OpenOffice or office Libre. They are free. They have a PowerPoint viewer in it that shows you the thumbnails on the side, and the big pictures in the center. Or you can hit F5 and enjoy the show running on it's own. You can save the individual pictures, and even edit captions and make your own slide show. The only real difference I found between Open and Libre is that with Opne Office you can, if you want, just install Writer or Calc or Impress, whereas with Libre office, you get the whole apple cart. If you are short on space, use Open Office. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers. They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily. While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain's quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope and read the words aloud to an astonished crew: 'When standing on the bridge looking towards the bow, Port is Left, Starboard is Right. If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From the deep South: The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age - of long duration) sent out an invitation to an officer (who was supposed to be the prospective suitor of her daughter's hand). "Mr. and Mrs. Dabney request the pleasure of Captain Black's company at dinner on the 16th of March." She was somewhat dismayed to receive the enthusiastic reply: "With the exception of four men on leave, and two sick, Captain Black's company accept with much pleasure your invitation to dinner on the 16th of March. There are 97 of us in my company." ___________________________________________________ The waitress was waiting as patiently as she could while John was dawdling over the breakfast menu. He said: "I never return to a restaurant unless at least one of the sausages I'm served is a match in size for my own." The waitress pulls the menu from the man's hand and says "I'll be right back with the children's menu." ___________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. | The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over- aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work." ___________________________________________________ Today January 22 in 1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. 1771 The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain. 1824 The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast. 1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 1879 James Shields began a term as a U.S. Senator from Missouri. He had previously served Illinois and Minnesota. He was the first Senator to serve three states. 1879 British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana. 1889 The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in Washington, DC. 1900 Off of South Africa, the British released the German steamer Herzog, which had been seized on January 6. 1901 Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 64 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her. 1903 The Hay-Herr n Treaty was signed by United States Secretary of State John M. Hay and Colombian Charg Dr. Tom s Herr n. The treaty granted the United States rights to the land proposed for the Panama Canal. 1905 Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia, resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed. 1917 U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in Europe, calling for "peace without victory." America entered the war the following April. 1924 Ramsay MacDonald became Britain's first Labour Prime Minister. 1930 In New York, excavation began for the Empire State Building. 1936 In Paris, Premier Pierre Laval resigned over diplomatic failure in the Ethiopian crisis. 1938 "Our Town," by Thornton Wilder, was performed publicly for the first time, in Princeton, NJ. 1941 Britain captured Tobruk from German forces. 1944 Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during World War II. 1950 Alger Hiss, a former adviser to U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, was convicted of perjury for denying contacts with a Soviet agent. He was sentenced to five years in prison. 1951 Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for politics. 1957 Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT. George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30 explosive devices in the New York City area. 1957 The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had invaded Egypt on October 29, 1956. 1964 Kenneth Kaunda was sworn in as the first Prime Minister of Northern Rhodesia. 1970 The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of the Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London about 6 1/2 hours later. 1972 The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark joined the EEC. 1973 Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional career to George Foreman. He had been the undefeated heavyweight world champion since February 16, 1970 when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis. 1973 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that had been restricting abortions during the first six months of pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion. 1983 Bjorn Borg retired from tennis. He had set a record by winning 5 consecutive Wimbledon championships. 1984 Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third quarter of Super Bowl XVIII. 1992 Rebel soldiers seized the national radio station in Kinshasa, Zaire's capital, and broadcast a demand for the government's resignation. 1995 Two Palestinian suicide bombers from the Gaza Strip detonated powerful explosives at a military transit point in central Israel, killing 19 Israelis. 1998 Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges for his role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison without parole. 2000 Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in removing the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting him with his father in Cuba. 2001 Former National Football League (NFL) player Rae Carruth was sentenced to a minimum 18 years and 11 months in prison for his role in the 1999 shooting death of his pregnant girlfriend, Cherica Adams. Adams died a month later from her wounds. The baby survived and lives with the victim's mother. 2001 Acting on a tip, authorities captured four of the "Texas 7" in Woodland Park, CO, at a convenience store. A fifth convict killed himself inside a motor home. 2002 Lawyers suing Enron Corp. asked a court to prevent further shredding of documents due to the pending federal investigation. 2002 Amazon.com announced that it had posted its first net profit in the fourth quarter (quarter ending December 31, 2001). 2002 AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in federal court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's Netscape Internet Browser when Microsoft began giving away its competing browser. AOL never released Netscape. They just bought it, shelved it, and used Microsoft Internet Explorer, making permanent enemies out of all netscape fans. 2002 Marc Chagall's work "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was found at a postal installation in Topeka, KS. The 8x10 oil painting is valued at about $1 million. The work was stolen a year before from the Jewish Museum in New York City. 2002 Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it the largest retailer in history to seek legal protection from its creditors. 2003 In New York, the "Leonardo da Vinci, Master Draftsmen" exhibit opened at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 2003 It was reported that scientists in China had found fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 2019 Do smiled. |
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