Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 28 Today's Bonehead Award: Connecticut woman charged with DUI was drunk on vanilla extract ______________________________________________________ Today, January 28 in 1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. They later sold it to China. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Every crowd has a silver lining. --- Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891) There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Anni announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're darn right it wasn't," Anni said. "And they were the two best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on our honeymoon." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this: I've had 2 Bypass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license! ______________________________________________________ Wood Sandpiper. Photo by Abdul Momin _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stefanie Warner-Grise, 50, New Canaan, Connecticut Connecticut woman charged with DUI was drunk on vanilla extract A Connecticut woman charged with driving under the influence was drunk on vanilla extract, which contains a significant amount of alcohol, police said. Hearst Connecticut Media reports that New Canaan police found 50- year-old Stefanie Warner-Grise sitting in a car at an intersection with her eyes closed at about 4:45 p.m. Wednesday. Officers say they found several bottles of pure vanilla extract inside her vehicle. They say they detected an odor of vanilla on her breath, her speech was slurred and she was unable to answer basic questions. Police say she was arrested after failing filed sobriety tests. Warner-Grise was released on a promise to appear in court. No lawyer was listed for her in online court records. From: Elvira Re: Scratchy sound from notebook Dear DearWebby, Music on my notebook sounds really scratchy. I tried WinAmp and other programs with graphic equalizers, but nothing helps. Do you have any advice? Elvira Dear Ann Dear Elvira You can't expect the lower harmonics from those shirt button size squeakers. If you want decent music, you have two choices: get yourself some good earphones, or a cable from the speaker output on the notebook to your home stereo or a portable boom box. Spring cleaning season and garage sales will start soon. You should be able to find a boom box with big speakers for a bargain price. Amplified by the boom box and projected from big speakers, even the tinniest notebook will sound fantastic. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "! Does she cook???" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Friends of the Library Books Sales A great way to support your local library and find good deals on books is to go to library book sales. Most libraries have them multiple times each year and the prices are very reasonable. Plus, the money goes back into the library to support buying new books or community resources. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Colossal snowshoe art that only lasts for a little while. |
___________________________________________________ A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes. "Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now." A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes. "Wait a minute!," said the writer, "This is just as bad as hell." "Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice. "Here, your work gets published." ___________________________________________________ A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
If GH stands for P as in Hiccough If OUGH stands for O as in Dough If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour If TTE stands for T as in Gazette If EAU stands for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU If GH stands for F as in Rough If O stands for I as in Women If TION stands for SH as in Solution Then the right way to spell FISH should be GHOTION ___________________________________________________ | Today January 28 in 1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church. 1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by his 9 year-old son, Edward VI. 1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at Botany Bay. 1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit by gaslight. 1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War. 1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed in New Haven, CT. 1878 "The Yale News" was published for the first time. It was the first, daily, collegiate newspaper in the U.S. 1902 The Carnegie Institution was established in Washington, DC. It began with a gift of $10 million from Andrew Carnegie. 1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba. 1915 The Coast Guard was created by an act of the U.S. Congress to fight contraband trade and aid distressed vessels at sea. 1916 Louis D. Brandeis was appointed by President Wilson to the U.S. Supreme Court, becoming its first Jewish member. 1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland. 1922 The National Football League (NFL) franchise in Decatur, IL, transferred to Chicago. The team took the name Chicago Bears. 1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce legalized abortion. 1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching China over the newly reopened Burma Road. 1957 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that circus clown Emmett Kelly had been hired to entertain fans at baseball games. 1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium nuclear reactor. 1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any U.S. company in history. 1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at the Canadian embassy in Tehran. 1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier General James L. Dozier. 42 days before he had been kidnapped by the Red Brigades. 1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. 1994 In Los Angeles, Superior Court Judge Stanley Weisberg declared a mistrial in the case of Lyle Menendez in the murder of his parents. Lyle, and his brother Erik, were both retried later and were found guilty. They were sentenced to life in prison without parole. 1998 In Manilla, Philippines, gunmen held at least 400 children and teachers for several hours at an elementary school. 1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's Volvo AB for $6.45 billion. They later sold it to China. 2002 Toys R Us Inc. announced that it would be closing 27 Toys R Us stores and 37 Kids R Us stores in order to cut costs and boost operating profits. 2019 Do smiled. |
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