Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, December 24

1411
Ophelia DingbatterIf you like my work,
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or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!

___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 24, in 1818, Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr, because the blower for the church organ was broken and they needed something, that could be played with a guitar. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Mom facing charges after being accused of catfishing and harassing daughter _____________________________________________________ Q Foolish writers and readers are created for each other. --- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797) The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. --- Bill Murray (1950 - ) ____________________________________________________ A college student is pulling a cow along a busy London street, holding up the furious car drivers, during the rush- hour. A cop stops the student, and asks, What the HELL are you doing, pulling a bloody COW along, causing this traffic jam?!! Student: Im taking it home to that block of flats up there! Cop: A BLOCK OF FLATS?!! so you live in a big GARDEN flat, DO YOU?! Student: Nomy friends and I live on the third floor, and my Doctor says I need a lot of fresh milk, so I thought Id buy. Cop: YEAH, YEAH, I GET IT! .. but, if you even manage to get the cow UP there, where will you KEEP her?! Student: Ill keep her in the living room Cop: IN THE LIVING ROOM??!! what about all the SHIT and FILTH, and the noise, and STINKING smell??!! Student: Oh, . Shell soon get used to THAT, wont you, Daisy Bell? __________________________________________________ A college student is pulling a cow along a busy London street, holding up the furious car drivers, during the rush- hour. A cop stops the student, and asks, What the HELL are you doing, pulling a bloody COW along, causing this traffic jam?!! Student: Im taking it home to that block of flats up there! Cop: A BLOCK OF FLATS?!! so you live in a big GARDEN flat, DO YOU?! Student: Nomy friends and I live on the third floor, and my Doctor says I need a lot of fresh milk, so I thought Id buy. Cop: YEAH, YEAH, I GET IT! .. but, if you even manage to get the cow UP there, where will you KEEP her?! Student: Ill keep her in the living room Cop: IN THE LIVING ROOM??!! what about all the SHIT and FILTH, and the noise, and STINKING smell??!! Student: Oh, . Shell soon get used to THAT, wont you, Daisy Bell? __________________________________________________ An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Kendra Licari, Beal City, Michigan, USA Mom facing charges after being accused of catfishing and harassing daughter A Michigan woman is facing felony charges after being accused of catfishing and harassing her own daughter for months. Authorities allege Kendra Licari secretly sent her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend thousands of hateful messages. "We had tens of thousands of text messages, whether they were messages that were just for her daughter or some of her daughter's friends," Isabella County Prosecuting Attorney David Barberi said. "And, you know, the digital footprint was just insane." According to prosecutors, Licari's daughter first received these messages in early 2021. The daughter and her boyfriend's parents then reported it to officials at their school, who later referred the situation to law enforcement. But the messages allegedly continued. Investigators claimed that they discovered Licari was the source when they traced the messages back to her this spring. "Even when we realized that it wasn't a kid, we weren't expecting that it would be a parent," Beal City Public Schools Superintendent William Chilman said. "When they informed us later in the spring that they were suspecting that it possibly was her, it was as a shock to all of us, I think everybody involved." Authorities say Licari used software to hide the origin of the messages, using several numbers and area codes, even allegedly trying to make it look like her daughter's classmates were behind it all. "In doing so, it would shield her and kind of cloak her identity or her digital identity," Barberi explained. "But eventually, we were able to see that her IP address was popping in and out right before and right after these messages were going through." Licari is facing five charges, including stalking a minor and obstruction of justice. She was released on a $5,000 bond. Police documents show when she was confronted with the evidence, she admitted the messages came from her. She and her attorney said they have no comment at this time. The mother did not elaborate on her motive for allegedly targeting her daughter and her daughter's then-boyfriend. Licari is due back in court later in December to determine whether or not there is sufficient information to proceed forward with a case. ___________________________________________________ Wall Creeper ___________________________________________________ >From Bill After playing 18 holes of golf, our foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ I-Got-Him _______________________________________________ A Florida man in a trench coat walked into a supermarket. After walking around for several minutes he grabbed a large can of beans and moved on to the cashier. He placed the can down on the counter, opened his trench coat and slapped his penis down next to the beans. The shocked cashier picked up the can and proceeded to slam it repeatedly down on the flasher's private parts. He screamed and passed out from the pain. The police were called and in the memo section of the incident report the responding officer wrote, "He should have practised with a loaf of bread." _______________________________________________ In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother." ___________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Wanda Re: Screen is sideways Dear Webby, I accidentally bumped my computer screen and it flipped it sideways. How do I get it to go straight again? Wanda Dear Wanda Rotate Screen with a Keyboard Shortcut Hit CTRL + ALT + Up Arrow and your Windows desktop should return to landscape mode. You can rotate the screen to portrait or upside-down landscape, by hitting CTRL + ALT + Left Arrow, Right Arrow or Down arrow. Keep in mind that Microsoft is NOT consistent. You might have to go at it through the Control Panel. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. "As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes, Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, if you look at that stained glass window on the chapel over there, even in the Garden of Eden some things were always covered with leaves." ____________________________________________________ Today, December 24 in 1814, The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent in Belgium. 1818, Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 1828, William Burke who, with his partner William Hare, dug up the dead and murdered to sell the corpses for dissection, went on trial in Edinburgh. 1851, A fire devastated the Library of Congress in Washington, DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes. 1865, Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan. 1906, Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA. 1914, In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a rectory in Dover. 1928, The first broadcast of "The Voice of Firestone" was heard. 1943, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as part of Operation Overlord. 1944, The Andrews Sisters starred in the debut of "The Andrews Sisters Eight-To-The-Bar-Ranch" on ABC Radio. 1944, A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800 American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that become known as the Battle of the Bulge. 1948, For the first time ever, a midnight Mass was broadcast on television. It was held at St. Patricks Cathedral in New York City. 1948, The first completely solar-heated house became occupied in Dover, MA. 1951, NBC-TV presented, "Amahl and the Night Visitors," the first opera written for television. 1951, Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of Libya, under King Idris. 1965, A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed about 100lbs. 1966, Luna 13 landed on the moon. 1967, Joe Namath (New York Jets) became the first NFL quarterback to pass for 4,000 yards. 1968, Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10 times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man first landed on the moon. 1979, Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the country's Marxist government. 1981, Reggie Jackson announced that he would join Gene Autrys California Angels for the 1982 season. 1981, In Eastern Kazakh/Semipalatinsk, the Soviet Union performed a nuclear test. 1985, Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he was a non-smoker. 1989, Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City. 1990, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married. 1992, U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the Iran-Contra scandal. 1997, Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal," was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the 1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese national. 1998, At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured. Luan Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries. 1999, Ivory Coast President Henri Konan Bdi was overthrown in a coup. 1999, An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 150 hostages were freed on December 31 after India released three Kashmir militants from prison. 2000, 36 minutes after the end of a game, both the New England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins were called back to the playing field. The teams had to play the final 3 seconds of the game which the Dolphins had won 27-24. The end result did not change. 2000, The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons and clothing. The men had escaped on December 13. 2022 Do smiled.
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