Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 25 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 25, in 1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. ___________________________________________________ Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker (1925 - ) Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man. --- George Bernard Shaw ___________________________________________________ Kids in the back-seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back-seat cause kids. "Now there's an updated version of the three R's: Readin', 'Remote control handling' .. and Replacin' the batteries in the remote control." ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Teen Charged With Homicide, DUI, Hit And Run ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United." Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" John answered, "Mom." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Washington, 19, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Teen Charged With Homicide, DUI, Hit And Run A Boca Raton teenager is facing homicide, hit and run, and DUI charges following his arrest by the Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office on Thursday. Joshua Washington of the apartments at 21446 Town Lakes Drive in Boca Raton was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail around 1 p.m. Thursday. His booking information was released early Friday morning. While the specific incident leading to his arrest is expected to be revealed later Friday, the charges suggest a DUI hit and run leading to multiple deaths. The Palm Beach County Jail reports that Washington is now charged with: Homicide negligent manslaughter with a vehicle fail to give information and render aid. Homicide negligent manslaughter with a vehicle DUI cause death and fail to give information and render aid. Hit and run fail to stop or remain at crash involving death. Hit and run, fail to stop or remain at crash involving serious bodily injury. Moving traffic violation drive without a license causing death or serious injury with a vehicle. Hit and run, fail to stop or remain at crash involving injury other than serious bodily injury. DUI (causing) serious bodily injury to another. DUI (causing) damage to property or person of another. Washington, is being held without bond. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Alana Re: Sending Video Dear Webby, I want to send some small videos to my kids. What is the cheapest way to do that? Alana Dear Alana If you have FaceBook, you can open the page of your recipient, click on MESSAGE, and drag the video from wherever you got it. You can even use a chip reader and use pictures on old camera chips. The drawback of that method is the fact that Facebook is run by the Democrat party and has a herd of fanatic Piglosis censoring you. Jokes about Bidet, Piglosi or Fauxpas will get you thrown into "FaceBook Jail" and blocked for a while. You can joke about Trump all you want, just be extremely careful if a joke mentions people from the Democrat party. It's not a big deal, most jail sentences are from a week to a few months. So, if you plan to send a nice video for somebody's anniversary, be extremely careful with your messages a few weeks before that, even if they are to somebody else. The next option is of course Skype. Microsoft does NOT censor you, ever. You can even joke about Emperor Bill the Great. They don't hassle you. Picture quality is poor and size is limited the same as with Facebook. Then there is Zoom. Excellent video and sound, and you can go full screen. You can even share screens! The drawback with Zoom is that it is a couple of generations more advanced than Facebook and Skype, and will probably require you to read the instructions. They are no big deal, but the availability of options and toys may initially be a bit overwhelming. Not for you, of course, but for your son and his wife. Content is not censored on Zoom. You can joke about anybody and show pitures of anybody you want. As far as I know, they have never censored anybody. Have FUN! DearWebby Tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Tell a woman something, it goes past both of her ears. Whisper something near a woman, it goes in in both her ears and comes out of the mouth of every woman in town. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Mrs. Jones is having her house painted, and her husband comes home from work and leans against the freshly painted wall.The next day, she says to the painter, "You wanna see where my husband put his hand last night? "He sighs and says, "Look, lady, I got a tough day's work ahead of me. Why don't you just make us a cup of tea?" ______________________________________________ An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal. "Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember to whom." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Two voices, male and female, on an overnight "red eye" plane flight: "I think everyone's asleep, let's go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty. No one is looking. You go in first" "It's a bit cramped, let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume! You think of everything." "This is great..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the Government that YOU elected. Now, put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, January 25, in 1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. 1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning of the Dutch Republic. 1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 1858 Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" was presented for the first time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen Victoria and the Crown Prince of Prussia. 1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant in San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental telephone service. 1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix in the French Alps. 1937 NBC radio presented the first broadcast of "The Guiding Light." The show remained on radio until 1956 and began on CBS-TV in 1952. 1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined the American Federation of Labor. 1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first scheduled transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707. 1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on radio and television. 1964 Nike was founded. The company was originally named Blue Ribbon Sports. 1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote and became president of Uganda. 1981 The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived in the United States and were reunited with their families. 1999 A Louisville, KY, man received the first hand transplant in the United States. 2010 In Arlington, TX, the International Bowling Museum and Hall of Fame had its grand opening. 2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 2021 Do smiled. |
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